Monthly Archives: September 2011
My 100th Post!
This, my dear blog friends, is my 100th post! What does that mean? A picture of me? A giveaway? Free cars? Alas, no. All you’re gonna get out of me today is a regular old blog post.
Today D and I had our first performance for our class. We did it for a packed house of about 450 athletes. It was nerve-racking seeing that many people out there, but our class did awesome and we all survived it! The only thing that irked us was that the students weren’t as engaged as we would have liked. They had to be there. We did skits about relationship violence, sexual assault, harassment and stalking. They laughed when they shouldn’t have and behaved sort of immaturely during the Q&A, but I didn’t expect anything less. The funny thing was that the only skit they didn’t laugh at was mine. It was about a lesbian relationship where my “ex” was stalking me. (No, I didn’t write it…..) They only giggled a little when they realized that we were supposed to be an ex-couple. Then they were dead quiet. I like to think it was my spectacular acting skills! 😉 They were all stunned!
We will be having 30 hours of training this weekend, so hopefully we can talk out what to do next time (next Thursday the 6th) if we feel like that’s happening again. At least we will all be able to answer questions then, as only one of us did all the talking, as she’s already been trained.
We had our dress rehearsal last night and as a result, D and I didn’t sleep very well. We were going over our lines in our heads all night! Now that we’ve done it once, I am sure it will be better next week. So I am tired, burnt out and ready to go home. I still have 1 hour left and it’s been so quiet here. At least I got to wear a tee shirt and jeans to work today!
In other news, Big D is done with football. No, the season is not over. A few weeks ago, he got hit in the back by a guy’s helmeted head. He complained about it a bit and then he said it felt better. So he played in the next game, and by halftime he was holding his back constantly. We got him into the Dr. right away and they took x-rays. They thought at first that he had cracked a vertebrae, but it turns out he was just badly bruised and had to sit out for a while. Let me tell you a little something about Big D: if you don’t keep him engaged and moving, he will lose interest. At first he said he would still go to all the practices and games and just not play for a while. Then, after a week, he started skipping practice. When I asked him why, he said, “I didn’t feel like standing around for 2 hours doing nothing.” D and I talked about forcing him to go and stick to his commitment, but in the end we decided it wasn’t worth the fight. Plus, he could get hurt worse, and none of us want that! Finally we sat him down and asked him what he was going to do about it. He was convinced he had missed too much and wouldn’t be able to play again. We think he just lost interest. He told the coach last week that he was done.
His Doctor wanted to have him see a physical therapist since he was walking funny…so we had him set up for that in 2 weeks time (that’s the first time they could get him in). Now, since quitting, he hasn’t mentioned his back once and is walking and moving about just fine. I think we’ll be canceling that appointment.
Now, after typing this all out and getting interrupted by a little work, I have about 25 minutes left of the day. I cannot wait to get home!!
Oy Vey! Not Again!
Last night as D and I were taking our walk, we came across a house we pass all the time. There are always people out there, mostly men, and they always say hi. This time, a woman was there with them who we had never seen before, and she yelled to us, “Are you mother and daughter?” To which I replied, “No!” and D said “Not at all!” And we kept walking. I cannot tell you how many times we have been asked this question or one similar, like are you sisters? This gets D’s blood boiling on many levels, but mainly because they all assume she’s my mother. This totally blows my mind when it happens because, yes, we have an age difference, but it’s only 6 years! D looks very young for her age, but I think the problem is that I look very young too. I have tried to tell her that that’s the reason, and not because she looks really old-but she doesn’t buy it. It really hurts her feelings. (I wish she would let me post a picture on here so you can see what I mean, but she’s very private and would KILL me if I did that!) I have been mistaken for a student countless times, and people don’t believe me when I tell them I am 34. I think it’s kind of funny that people are so curious about us, but D doesn’t. She said that she wanted to say to the lady “No, but why do you people ask such personal questions of strangers?”
You might be curious as to why we didn’t correct this woman. Well, let’s just say she didn’t look like the type of person who would be open to us. D and I talked about it on the rest of the walk and I wondered aloud why we didn’t react differently. It was a surprise, first of all, and second, I think when that happens we really have to weigh the outcome of such a confession.Will she react badly? Does she live here and will we have to see her all the time? It’s a small town, and we have never had any problems, and don’t want to start!
D said that we live in the “dumbest town” because no one gets us. I guess it’s good that they don’t automatically jump to “lesbian lovers”, but mother/daughter?! Really?! C’mon people!
So, by the time we got home we had come up with a plan. We’re going to get teeshirts made up!
On the front we are going to have an arrow and “She’s my wife.” And on the back, “Yeah, you read that right!”
Or, the same for the front and then the back will say different things. Like mine would say, “No she’s not my mother – I am 34.” And D’s would say: “Yes, she is over 18 and I am not old enough to be her mom.” (or other such statistics)
What do you think? Would that solve the problem? 😉
What a whiny bi-atch!
I was a whiny bi-atch yesterday in my post. Whine, whine, blah, blah! Sorry for that. I went home from work last night and we had an amazingly low-key evening, just what we needed! We didn’t do house projects or class projects or anything else. We took our walk after supper (we haven’t even had time for that over the last 2 weeks or so) and we settled down and watched some TV when we got home. Pure bliss!
A lot of blogs are talking about same-sex parenting today, so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon. As I’ve said before, I met D when Big D was 9, and so I had an instant family at the age of 27. It was weird in the beginning, suddenly being half of a parenting couple to a kid I had just met a few months before. It was a delicate balance, as I was trying to let Big D know I am an extra parent, but still wanted him to have a relationship with his bio-dad. (Since then A LOT has changed!)
I had some bumps, finding myself parenting the way that I was parented (yelling vs nurturing) but D snapped me out of that! I was/am the more strict parent, but if you knew Big D, you would see that neither one of us is that strict. I have been more quick to get angry, and being with D has taught me to slow down, breathe, and think before I snap at him. I’ve written on here a few times that I have had my moments where I have yelled at him, but I have learned from my mistakes and I am so much better at recognizing when I have been too harsh, and apologizing to Big D. (Granted I have only snapped at him a handful of times over 7.5 years!) When those times have happened, I talked to him about why I reacted the way I did, and that I need to work on being less like my dad, and more like the mom he deserves. He’s a very mature kid, and he understands.
D’s parenting is just like hers was: gentle, kind and nurturing. She is an amazing mother and we both agree that we make a great parenting pair. She is very gentle, and I am just strict enough to keep Big D from becoming a spoiled brat.
This leads to the question about why I believe we should not have another one. Have I always wanted a child of my own? Yes. Would it be possible with D? I don’t think so. We tried to TTC a few years ago. She was never 100% on board. There were days when she was 75% on board (ah the good ‘ol days!) – but it caused a lot of stress on our marriage. I was crushed with each BFN, and she wanted to comfort me, but not really wanting another child, she was conflicted. It’s not that she was happy that I was sad, but she knew she did not want to start all over again with another child. Big D was high needs as a baby and never slept at night (he had his days and nights backwards). She felt like she had to do everything herself, and got little to no help from Big D’s Donor (his bio-dad who he no longer speaks with). So when we decided to try, her fears were that she would end up doing everything again and Big D had just started to become independent. I get that. I really do. But I was focused on MY dreams, my wanting to be a mom. It nearly crushed us. We were, for the first time in our relationship, looking at each other from a million miles away.
So why would I want to be with someone who didn’t want to help me fulfill my dream? It’s simple really: because I love her. It’s the same reason she decided to TTC with me, even though she really didn’t want to. Relationships are about a give and take. They’re about compromise. We decided to try 3 times, and if it didn’t work, we wouldn’t try again. In reality we only tried twice – partly because of financial reasons – but mostly because the stress was so high between us that I couldn’t stand to go through it anymore. We talked about it again a few times over the course of the last 7 years, but we never did try again. Because I can’t stand to be another couple that breaks up after the baby is born. Because I know it’s not something she wants. Even though she has said that she would have stayed with me, no matter how hard it became, I don’t want that for her. I want her to be happy, not tied down.
As the years have gone on, my desire to TTC has become less and less. I see now that it would be very hard on us if we added a baby. I see the emotional and financial toll it can take – and I started to focus on taking care of Big D and being the best step-mom I could be for him. After all the crap that went down with his “Donor”, he really needed that. He has two loving moms, and he knows that we are both there for him no matter what. Most of all I have realized something big: I AM a mother. I may not have held him in my tummy or in my arms when he was a baby, but he is mine and always will be 🙂
Crazy
That’s life in one word right now. Crazy. Why? I still can’t figure that out. I feel stressed out much of the time, and I want to just go back to our care-free, lazy-dazy life. The one where we didn’t have to worry about homework assignments, or group projects, or the play we have to do next week and the week after. The one where we could just lounge around in our PJ’s and watch TV and veg out after a hard day’s work. The one where I don’t have to stress about how to pay for Senior pictures – Due in less than a month! Thanks for the advance notice! – or other things that go along with Big D graduating.
It makes me so glad that we never did end up having a baby together. Usually our life together is so calm, and to some people it seems boring – but it’s not to us – and I want that back – STAT! I want all of my wife’s attention back. I want to be able to give her 100% of mine. But, if she is going to get her degree, she has to take classes. She has to do homework. And now so do I. I thought taking this class together was going to be awesome. That it was going to be a way to do something fun together. But it hasn’t turned out that way. While I won’t go into all the details about it (what’s private is private), I will say I don’t think we will take a class together again. It’s too stressful – for a lot of reasons.
So that’s why it’s been a little bit since I’ve written here. Life has been a bit more stressful than I am used to or like. I’m sure both of us will make it through just fine. I just wish that time wasn’t so far off from now (3 months) so we can get back to our life as we know it. Wish us luck!
In other news, tomorrow is D’s birthday! I am really hoping that she has a great day. She never reads here, even though she knows about it, so I won’t do a long, mushy post to her here. I’ll save the mushy for in-person 😉
Really?
Welcome to another installment of “Who are you? Who is your kid?”
This past Thursday night we had to go to a Senior class meeting at Big D’s school. He told us about it the night before and Thursday nights is when our class is, so that day was non-stop work – class – class meeting. It was crazy and I did. not. like. 🙂 Anyway, while we were there, D overheard some parents talking. One of them said, “Who are those people sitting with Big D?” To which the other replied, “One is his mom, and the other one I don’t know, I think it’s his sister or his aunt.” Okay, I didn’t hear this, but D swears this took place. Since Big D is skipping a grade, this is the first time we have had a meeting with this particular set of parents. But we live in a VERY small town. The school has maybe 500 kids from 7-12th grade. How could people still not know?
All of the mothers from the class below this one know us and accept us. We have never been in your face about it, but if they ask, we tell them. So, fast forward to Saturday morning at 7:00 (yes, 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday). We, the moms of the senior football players and cheerleaders, had to go make breakfast for them. We got there and there were 5 other moms there. D and I set up the tables and chairs, set up plates, napkins, forks, etc. Then we were standing there asking if there was anything we could do. Nobody answered and went on cooking in silence. It was kind of awkward because when I cooked breakfast with the sophomore class moms last year, we were all laughing and joking and just having fun.Totally different vibe here.
I knew one of the moms as we sold tickets for the games together last year and she also works at the school. So I started talking to her and basically said, “Since Big D skipped a grade, we don’t know anyone here.” Kind of as a hint to get introduced or to introduce ourselves. No one took that hint. (D thinks it’s because none of them really know each other – which may be true.) You may wonder why we just didn’t walk over and introduce ourselves. Everyone was concentrating on cooking and had their backs to us. Plus, we are not the pushy type.
The lady I know asked us if we could help her upstairs, and D and I said yes. When we got up there, I said to her, “You know Marie, I know you know me as we sold tickets together last year, my name is M.” She said “Oh yeah! I have a hard time with names, but I remember you.” So I said, “But I don’t think you’ve met D. This is D.” She shook her hand and said nice to meet you. Then she said, “What’s your last name?” And D replied, “F. I’m Big D’s mom.” Then she turned to me and said, “And your last name is?” And I replied, “F. We’re partners. We’re both Big D’s mom.” She laughed a little nervously, but was cordial and joked with us and talked to us for the rest of the three hours we were there. (Yes, I said 3 hours.)
When we got back down to the room, one of the other mothers started talking to us, and even came over and introduced herself. She asked for our email addresses and home phone since she didn’t get it from Big D. We wrote them down for her. We think she may already have known about us and she was funny and nice the whole time. She is the mother of the class President, and Big D used to play basketball with her younger son, although we had never really met. So that was great.
As the morning went on, D and I made a huge joke out of our job. We had to handle pouring the juice and chocolate milk. We poured a bunch of glasses, and then had to go over and fill up more as they disappeared. Once I was standing with another mother who just started to tell me that she thought I babysat for her younger daughters a long time ago, (she was right! I was probably like 14 or 15 years old, but I did sit for them once or twice), and I looked up and D was waving to me to come over to the drink table. I turned to the lady and said, “I’ll be right back. There seems to be an emergency at the juice table.” She laughed, and when we came back over we said, “You two thought you had it hard making those pancakes, we have the high pressure juice job!” So we got them to loosen up a bit.
At the very end, as we were all cleaning up, FINALLY two other moms came up to introduce themselves. They shook our hands, said their names, and we said ours. Then one of them asks, “So you both have kids on the team who are graduating.” And D said, “No. Just Big D.” I said, “We’re both his moms, we’re a package deal.” She still looked confused, but maybe she got it.
So, another year, another new set of parents to try and get to understand. How thick can these people be? I told D it’s because we don’t walk around announcing it, and that maybe we should do that. But she said, no, that it’s better this way. We will tell them if they ask, but they can get to know us for us, and see that we are not threatening – that we are just normal. I think she has a point. We have never had any trouble with anyone in Big D’s school. It may be best to just continue on the way we have been. Afterall, it may change some people’s minds about what a lesbian is!
Oh, and the lady that took our email addresses? She told Big D when she saw him that she met his moms and that we are really funny and nice 🙂
So Sad
I’m a little late with this, but the lovely ladies over at Mommies Making Miracles (mommiesmakingmiracles.blogspot.com) lost their baby Parker this past weekend. He was born too early along with his twin brother Zachary. So far Zachary is holding on. Please keep them in your thoughts (and prayers if you are religious).
Life is so short. Hold on to the ones you love.
The Lesbian Next Door 