Can we breathe now?

I have been virtually absent from blogging for a long while now. Part of it was because of lack of things to say, part of it was not wanting to say the things I could, but most of it was because I was so consumed with everything happening in our home life.

Not a lot of people realize that when you get into a relationship with someone who has a kid, you are an instant family. That’s how it all began for D and I. We never had a time in our relationship where it was just us, because we have full custody of Big D. We didn’t even get the traditional arrangement of he goes to his dad’s every other weekend. He has been with us, with very few exceptions, every day of our relationship. We’ve been together for 11 years now, and I am his other mom. We didn’t get to have years of planning a child and then making one together. We met one day, and were a family the next. I wouldn’t change this for one second. I have loved our lives together. I love them both very much.


The last 3 years have been hard. Big D went from a happy-go-lucky, super-smart kid, to a moody, depressed and detached young adult. He was un-motivated to do anything but sit in his room all day. Yes, he went off to college, but we didn’t even get a break then because he was home almost every. single. weekend. Sometimes he would come home on Wednesday and stay through Sunday! That didn’t work well for the college he was attending, so needless to say, he was told to not come back. Then he came to where I work for school and decided that attendance wasn’t necessary, so once again was told to not come back. During all of this, he found marijuana and got addicted to it. It was all he cared about, and we tried everything to get him to see that it wasn’t good for him. But when you’re so deep into something, you can’t see the light – even if it’s pointing you right in the face. We offered to get him therapy – help of any kind. He went to therapy for a while, but it didn’t help anything. He lost his part-time job and basically refused to get another one.

Then he met his best friend’s mom. She’s 42 and bat-shit crazy. She doesn’t work, is sick all the time, and thinks she’s a “sensitive”. She convinced Big D of a number of things our smart and happy kid would never have been convinced of, including that the police put a tracker on his car and that the town drinking water is contaminated and will make you sick if you drink it. He was basically her nurse for the past 7 months. She got him fired from the only full-time job he has ever had, after only 4 days. That’s got to be a record of some sort! The only thing she DID do for him is help him stop smoking pot. He has been sober for 2-3 months now. That’s the only thing I can thank her for.

A few weeks ago Big D was sick, and she called D on her cell phone and said “Your kid is sick. He’s puking everywhere. Come get him.” Uh…okay. She said it flat and monotone too, like she was bothered by the fact he was sick and she didn’t care enough to take care of him like he had done for her all these months. So D went to get him, and he proceeded to do what he has always done and puked all over his floor. (Can the kid make it to the m*****-f****** bathroom that’s right across the hall??) Guess who cleaned it up? Not his gf! ME. (D has a very sensitive nose and so I have always been the official cleaner-upper of anything gross because I can hold my breath really well. I have cleaned up more puke and poop than most people!)

So it all came to a head a week ago Friday. I won’t go into all the details – there are too many! Basically we had several long talks with him. We told him he could either go live with her and become a low-life, or go to live with D’s brother in the southern part of our state and start fresh. He thankfully chose the latter. We explained to him that this had nothing to do with her or helping her get her life together. If he were to accept this offer, he was to focus on getting his own life together. He would have to finally get a freaking J-O-B, and he would have to be responsible. He swore he would. We also told him if he went there with the notion that he would make money and come back for her, we would not support that. He swore up and down he wasn’t doing that.

We made him that offer Friday night and on Saturday D started making phone calls. Her whole family lives down there, including her parents, 7 brothers and her sister – along with numerous nieces, nephews and cousins. She got him set up to live with her brother who has a 2-bedroom apartment, got him set up to get his car fixed by her other brother, and got yet another brother give us a lead on a job where he works. Big D was packed and moved by Monday, and by Tuesday he got the job! He works in a factory with two of his cousins and his uncle. He is ecstatic! He is happier now than we have seen him in the last 3-4 years. He calls and talks D’s ear off and we hear from him via text as well. We also get updated from the family and everything seems to be going really well so far. Now that’s he’s away from his gf, we are hoping he stays away and finds someone his own age that doesn’t need to be nursed to health.

It’s only been a week, and I am hyper-aware that this could all fall off the rails at any moment. But, I am truly hoping that this is exactly what he needs. All I want is for him to be a happy, productive member of society. That’s all we both have ever wanted. We were never sure we would see this day. We are still not sure it’s all true. We keep saying “this could be short-lived”. We know Big D very well,  and we know his patterns. I am hoping that he has broken that pattern and this will all work out.

But for now, I finally have my wife all to myself! Hmmmmmm…….what to do? ;)



Why hello…what was your name again?

I have been very absent from here for a long time. A lot has been going on at home – mostly good. But before I get into that, I want to direct you to read my latest short story on Wattpad (lesbian erotica). You can find it here: Amber Shaw. Hope you enjoy it!

As for the rest, this finally happened:

Our new pool!

Our new pool!

Paradise in the back yard.

Paradise in the back yard. (and yes, we moved the chairs between pics :) )

After a lifetime of dreaming about our ultimate back yard, we finally achieved it! We put in an in-ground pool and put up a new 6ft fence. It’s wonderful, private and just plain amazing! It’s the best decision we ever made! We have been thoroughly enjoying it for about a month now.

Our crazy neighbor who we share a driveway with got so jealous, that he started a feud for no reason about the driveway (too long and crazy a story to get into), and the neighbor on the other side decided to put an in-ground pool in too! It’s right on the other side of the fence from our pool (in the second pic above, their pool is to the left of ours – behind their garage.) That same neighbor also got mad about our new fence and said it looked like “the great wall of China”. Uh, thanks for shitting all over our dream! She is just jealous (a evidenced by her copying us about the pool), but we talked to her since and all is ok with her (and her husband). They’re just not used to not being able to see into, and through our back yard. Believe me when I say this fence has increased the property value of both neighbor’s homes. They should be grateful!

We gave our above-ground pool to the neighbors over the back fence and helped them set it up. These neighbors have lived there for 11 years, same as us, but we only met them last year. They’re great and funny and nice, and we have spent some time getting to know them the last few months. All in all, we are bordered by 4 properties (there’s another one to the right behind our garage), so in the end the 6ft fence was the way to go and we don’t regret it one little bit! We are introverts and homebodies and we just want to be able to be in our yard without the whole neighborhood knowing what we are doing! (Before all this we had a 4ft fence around the front part  of the back yard, and a 6 ft in the way back.)

Prior to the whole back yard makeover, my dear, sweet Grandma passed away on April 10th. She had Alzheimer’s and stage 4 lung cancer, but lived a year longer than they thought she would. Even though I hadn’t seen her in a long time since she moved with my parents to North Carolina, I still think about her and miss her everyday. This past Sunday would have been her 91st birthday, so we planted a flower in our yard and put some of her ashes under it, so a part of her will always be with us. RIP Grandma. :(

In other news – Big D has his first serious girlfriend. He’s been dating her for a few months. Here’s the kicker though – she’s 42 and the mother of his best friend (Big D turned 20 in January – and D is going to 45 at the end of summer). To say we were shocked to find this out would be an understatement, but far be it from us to tell him who to love. She’s a bit nutty, loud and immature – not at all the type we thought he would go for. She also has a ton of health problems, which Big D is nursing her through. Do I think it’s going to last? No way. But if he’s happy, I’m happy. I just hope she doesn’t die on him – that would send him down the rabbit hole again. This kid will never cease to do exactly the opposite of what we think he will do! It’s been a frustrating and maddening last 3 years with him. Hopefully things will start to look up soon.

I think a lot about nature vs nurture, and prior to the last 3 years I would have said nurture all the way! Now I am seeing so much more nature, and it’s so sad. His bio-dad is not someone I ever thought he would take after. It’s so hard to watch! We try to help him, but biology is stronger than any help we can give.

So anyway, there’s the update about what’s been going on around these parts! What’s new with you?

Another Month, Another Blog

Another month has passed since I last blogged, and I figured now was as good a time as any to answer the burning question I asked in my last blog. The answer is how I feel about marijuana. Congratulations if you guessed correctly! :) You win….well, I don’t have anything for you, but just know you win :)

I’ve spent the last month debating whether I should write about it. I hope I don’t lose readers. Let me just preface this by saying I know I will probably be in the minority here, and I respect your opinions on the subject. I am also only going to speak to my feelings on the recreational use of it, not medical use. I know pot has been shown to help people with medical issues.

Marijuana. Mary Jane. Pot. Reefer. Weed. Whatever you call it in your own life. I don’t like it. Let me explain. I tried pot exactly one time, when I was with my ex. We were at her friend’s house when I was probably around 24 or 25. They offered it to me, and for the first time in my life, I said yes. It only took two hits (one incorrectly done and one very correctly done) to get me high. At first it was cool. I was mellow and feeling goofy. Then our friend said the only thing she didn’t like was that it made her heart race. That’s when I felt my own heart racing – and promptly started to have a panic attack. I panicked and panicked. I didn’t want to take my anxiety meds, because I didn’t know if they would react poorly – so I had to ride it out. It took about two hours to calm down. Yes, I know that the strain of marijuana affects how paranoid you get. Yes, I know some strains are supposed to calm you down. No, I will not be trying it again.

All of that was just to show, that yes, I have tried it. My opinion on the subject is not based solely on that one bad experience. I know I don’t like it for me, yes, but the rest of this blog will be about why I don’t like it for others either. Again, this is about RECREATIONAL use.

Here are 5 stories that may help you understand my view. I have watched 5 people in my life begin smoking marijuana, and all 5 have had bad consequences. I will not be saying who these people are specifically out of respect for their privacy. Remember, these are people that I am very close to. They are either relatives or close friends.

Story 1 – Female

This woman was hilarious! She was the funniest person you would ever meet. She was never the best student, but in high school she fell in with the wrong crowd. She started smoking pot and her life slowly started to fall off its track. She was headed to be a Nurse. She loved Nursing so much, but never made it through school. Why? Because pot led to cocaine, and then to prescription drug abuse, and eventually to heroin. No, I am not making a huge leap by saying this. In her case, pot was definitely a gateway drug. She now lives off of welfare and is on and off of heroin. She has 4 kids by three different fathers. One is grown and on his own, one loves living with her because he can do whatever he wants, including smoking pot. One lives with his grandmother because he wants no part of that life (smart kid!), and the last one is too young to know any better. He just wants to live with mommy. She has an on again/off again boyfriend who is also an addict. They basically live in a drug den. She could have done so much with her life. Now she just sits around all day looking for her next fix with no motivation to help herself.

Story 2 – Female

This woman was one I met when I was in my mid twenties. She and I went on a date once and at the end, one of the first things she asked was whether I wanted to smoke with her. I graciously declined. We didn’t work as a couple, but we stayed friends, even though I knew she smoked. She kept asking me to move in with her (as her roommate), and I was so broke I decided to say yes. BIG mistake! You know how they say you can’t get addicted to pot? Well yeah, that’s bullshit. This woman was heavily addicted to it! She smoked it all the time. I had to hide in my room to get away from the smell. One day I came home to her crying hysterically on the couch because she had no money and no way to get any more pot. She barely ever worked, and her biggest worry was when she could score more weed. Her father was our landlord, and for almost all of the three months I lived there, I had to pay her part of everything because she didn’t have it. I left there in a hurry and went back to my old place. That was the best decision I ever made. Last I heard she had moved on to harder drugs. She called me one day, slurring her words and talking about how she now has COPD, and how she is incontinent and has to wear Depends. I know that last part has nothing to do with pot, but once again, it was a gateway to all of her future problems. And who knows if it contributed to her COPD. I’m not saying it did, but I am saying it could have.

Story 3, Male

This one is not as devastating as the other two, but still sad. This guy was the smartest kid. He always got straight A’s and could have been anything he wanted to be. He discovered pot, and began smoking daily. He nearly flunked out of college his freshman year. He spent his entire education smoking pot and switching majors. He did graduate, and went on to a menial job, which had nothing to do with his degree, and he still works there to this day. I have to give him props because he is supporting his family and he works. He is a great guy and I love him a lot. My only qualm with him is that he still smokes. When he visits, he has to go off for a while because he knows he can’t do it in my house. I’m not sure how often he does it, but it seems like an every day thing. He could be doing something bigger with his life, but he settled in his life because of his habit. Again, he is also addicted to this “substance”.

Story 4, Male

This guy was a really cool kid. So funny and happy, even though his childhood was the thing of nightmares. He also started smoking in high school. Now he’s in his late thirties, has the cough of a man in his eighties, and can’t hold down a job to save his life. His only focus has been to smoke. He called me a few weeks ago and said he was stopping because he couldn’t deal with it anymore, and he is sure the pot is the reason for the cough. He has a job right now, but may not be there much longer either. He has no motivation.

Story 5, Male

He was the smartest kid you would ever meet. Honor’s student in high school. Went to college, found pot. Did okay the first semester. Smoked so much pot the second semester, stopped going to classes, and failed out. Got into another school. Found new friends who also smoked. Stopped going to classes and failed out of that school too. Got caught at a party with pot, and got a ticket. Has no motivation to do anything about said ticket, and may not even have a valid drivers license now because of it. He had a part time job, but lost it because he was partying too much. Now he is jobless, mooching off his parents. He sleeps all day and goes to his friends house to smoke pot every night. He has no motivation, no drive, except to find more pot to smoke. This guy could have been a really rich and powerful executive with the way his life was going prior to pot. He was the kind of man who people really saw going places. Now he is just going nowhere. Pot has become his life. Addiction to it is real, trust me on this.

So, as you can see, I don’t see any positives coming from the recreational use of marijuana. In fact, these stories are the saddest stories I have witnessed.

I’m going to end here. I am not trying to offend anyone out there who sees this differently. I wish I could have at least one person in my life that could show me the positives of this substance, but I have had too many people in my life whose lives it has destroyed.

I Miss My Blog

I miss this place, I really do. I think about blogging often, but there’s only one thing on my mind enough to blog about lately, and it’s one of the top three things you should NEVER talk about in mixed company. Let’s see if you can guess what it is (guess in the comments as I can’t find the poll thingy – where did it go??):

  1. Money
  2. Religion
  3. My stance on marijuana

I’d be interested in hearing which you think it is, and if you would be interested in reading about it if you get it right :) I just don’t want to open up a big can of worms or make people hate me and not read here anymore. UGH!

Other than that, if you want to read some of my other writing, you should follow me on Wattpad! Just search for EmilyPrescott2 – that’s me!

Peace out!

Writing Fun

Jenny over at Trout Nation challenged her readers to write their own fanfiction of 50 Shades of Grey for the Cosmo contest on Wattpad. So many of us out there hated FSOG and have wanted to right the wrongs. I added my submission here. Go and check it out! Then write your own and tag it cosmofiftyshades before February 3rd. Let me know in the comments if you submit one so I can go check it out. We all know it’s not what Cosmo was looking for when they put out the call for submissions, but lets flood them with stories about how Ana gets out and finally finds true love. Or better yet, she gets out and sends him directly to jail for all his abuse!

I wrote mine in about 3 hours yesterday, and it was very stream of consciousness writing (so it’s not my best) but it was fun! I think I will be putting more short stories up there to keep my creative juices flowing, so follow me there if you’re interested in that. I posted The Truth there too, but still haven’t finished it yet. I should also mention I am writing under the pseudonym Emily Prescott. That is nowhere near my real name. I like how it sounds, but it may change in the future. Suggestions welcome! :)

In other news, 2015 has been moving along very nicely. Things are so much better now than they were this time last year (i.e. having to put our 11 year old cat down and my gram getting diagnosed with lung cancer). Gram is still kicking, and Maya helps with the pain of losing our sweet Moose. I mean, how could she not:

I had to post another pic of her! It's like an addiction!

I had to post another pic of her! It’s like an addiction!

C’mon! Look at that face! I think I might need to go to some sort of cat lady rehab! She is just the love of my life :) (obviously in a non-sexual way!)

Happy Thursday everyone!

2 months!

I cannot believe I am that blogger. You know, the one who leaves their blog for 2 or 6 or 12 months without saying a word. I am sorry my bloggy friends! I guess I’ve been having a bit of writers block lately. I feel like I may be starting to come out of it now, but it’s a slow process!

Yesterday was Big D’s 20th birthday. Yes, you read that right – 20. No, not 20 months, I mean 20 YEARS! I can hardly believe we have a 20 year old son! Some of you may remember that my birthday is the day before his, and thus I turned 38 on Monday. I’ve been on this earth for 38 years. That’s so weird to think about. I don’t feel like I’ve been here that long. I don’t feel much different than I did when I was 28. Aging is so weird!

Parenting a 20 year old is WAAYYYYYYYY different than parenting a little kid or even a teenager. He’s legally an adult, but he still lives with us. There’s a fine line between parenting him too much and not enough! They don’t tell you this when you have babies, but this transitional time between child and adult is probably the hardest time people have during parenting. This generation is very different from my wife and my generation. They don’t know what they want to do as easily. They live at home longer. They would rather work on their own time on the computer, and they think they will be rich from it. Never mind about that full time job you want me to get, moms. I’m gonna be a millionaire as soon as my website launches. It’s at times both frustrating and endearing that they have these grand goals.

D and I are still happily together and still madly in love with both each other, and our dear kitty cat Maya. Do I talk about my cat too much? Am I weird? Want to see another picture? *pulls out wallet and a string of cat pictures flips down in their plastic holder* ;) She turned 1 on December 1st.

This may be why I haven’t blogged that much. Everything is good. Everyone is alive and healthy. I haven’t found any more lesbian-ish TV that has really grabbed my attention either, which usually gives me something to write about (even if those are boring posts). Anyone have any suggestions for good shows with lesbian characters? I am still waiting patiently for Orphan Black to come back on. April 18th can’t get here soon enough! D is currently in her second to last semester in college and is taking 3 on-line classes this semester, so I will have a lot of down time to become obsessed with another show. I just started watching The Fall, which is good so far, although I am only on episode 4. I’m also looking for books with strong lesbian characters in them, so any suggestions you have for that will also be appreciated!

We had a pretty good Christmas and New Years. We ended up taking the tree down on Christmas day, since the cat would not stop climbing it, and we already had it up a month! We didn’t do anything crazy for either day, but we did spoil each other a bit as usual :) I got a brand new pea coat and I love it! I’ve always wanted one! Before that I was always wearing some Col.u.mbia jacket or another that really didn’t look professional at all. Now I feel fancy when I wear my coat and my new scarf. Haha! I am such a dork!

I also had all 4 of my brakes replaced on my car. $600 later and they started clunking when we drove it right after, so had to get the back ones replaced again, only that time it didn’t cost anything. They seem to be okay now, but we shall see.

I can’t resist posting pictures of my little baby, so I’ll leave you with one pic from Christmas time:

Under the tree after I messed up the tree skirt for the millionth time. But I'm so cute!

Under the tree after I messed up the tree skirt for the millionth time. But I’m so cute!

I hope everyone had a great holiday season! I hope to see you all around these parts more often!

Lesbian Bed Death (and Penguins!)

First of all, you guys and gals ROCK! I got a load of comments on my last post about what to write about, and you all had some really good ideas.

El Guapo wants me to blog about penguins, and  Chronically undiagnosed wants to hear about Lesbian Bed Death (LBD). She said: “I still vote for LBD. What is it? Why does it happen? Why do people want to deny that it happens? Why are people always so quick to report that it “doesn’t happen in my relationship?” Why do I care? I guess because I need to get laid.” So I thought, why not combine the two? First, the penguins:


These two have a problem with LBD - Ah, who am I kidding? Look at the sexual chemistry between the two of them! Wowza!

These two have a problem with LBD – Ah, who am I kidding? Look at the sexual chemistry between the two of them! Wowza!


Now onto the real story here: Lesbian Bed Death. The dreaded three words no lesbian ever wants to hear or experience. I know Chronically Undiagnosed (CU for short) asked why people are so quick to deny it and report it doesn’t happen, but I have to tell you, I think it’s because LBD is mostly a myth. Before you start throwing rocks at the screen, let me explain:

For those of you unaware, LBD is when lesbians stop having sex. People will tell you it’s because of our overwhelming need to bond and build a life – and building a life together is not the most sexy thing. I disagree with this. You can build a life together and still have sex!

I think that LBD is a myth because people of all sexualities can lose their enthusiasm for sex, not just lesbians, and it has to do with one main thing: kids. Having kids is the number one killer of people’s sex lives. When they’re babies – you’re too tired. When they’re young kids – you are too distracted with their activities. When they are teenagers and young adults – they are always in the house and always awake, and you have to be really sneaky to do it.

Even with all of those factors, you can still have a fulfilling sex life with your partner. (Sorry CU, but it’s true!) Long-time readers know that D and I have been together for 10.5 years. We met when Big D was 9, so as a couple we have always had a kid around. He wasn’t into activities, and is a pretty big homebody (just like me!), but when he was a kid, at least he had a bed time – or was really engrossed in a video game for a bit. Now that he’s older, it’s a bit harder to find a time, and his work schedule is so wonky, but I am proud to say that we still have a very satisfying sex life. We have not once gone through a dry spell – in fact, the longest we went without in the last decade was for 3 weeks, and that was because we were so stressed out trying to get Big D through his senior year of high school.

Sex is important in a relationship, and particularly important to us, so we make sure we make the time each week – even if it means scheduling it, or dropping everything to do it because Big D finally left the house! It’s obviously not the only important thing, but it does rank up there.

I know what you’re thinking: “TLND, what about those couples that don’t have kids and still don’t have sex?” That’s a very good question, and the answer may not be one you want to hear. If you don’t have kids or big stresses in your life with work or finances, and you are still not having sex, then the answer is:  you are not meant for each other, OR someone is cheating. I say this from experience.

My ex gf and I were together for 4 years (just before D and I met), and the sex went from everyday to maybe, if I was lucky, once a month or two. This all happened within the first 6 months. I wanted sex, and she was just not interested anymore. I couldn’t figure out why. I beat myself up over it. She would say her drive wasn’t as big as mine, but I knew that wasn’t true. We would argue about it all the time, and so of course we ended up not having it because we were arguing about not having it. It was the most miserable thing I have ever gone through. When you feel un-sexy, you feel un-loved. It turned out she was cheating on me with her ex. I dumped her ass so fast. Then she came crawling back, and I would take her back (dummy!). Then I would find out she was still cheating – rinse and repeat for 4 fucking years! UGH! Why I stayed for so long, I am still not sure.

I want to say here that I am by no means an expert on the subject. Admittedly, I have only been in these two relationships in my adult life, so I only have them to draw on. BUT, having lasted this long with D, and still going strong, I think I know a thing or two about what makes a relationship work long-term. If you’re wondering, they are (in no particular order):

  • Making sure your partner knows you love him or her – even if you are having a little dry spell. A kiss, a hug, a little playful butt-slap can go a long way.
  • Say “I love you” OFTEN! You don’t know how much you really need to hear it until you’re not hearing it!
  • Keep your bank accounts SEPARATE! I cannot stress that enough! The other killer of relationships are finances. Split the bills as evenly as possible and be there for the other person if they need help, but make sure you have your own account.
  • Make the time to be intimate. Even if it’s only once a week or once every two weeks. Some months it will be more, some less, but once the kids are out of the house – watch out! If the house is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’! ;)
  • As Ellen says, “Be kind to one another.” If you’re always looking for what the other person did wrong, you will never appreciate what they do right! Respect each other.
  • Remember: Love shouldn’t be hard, even though everyone says it should be. If you are feeling like it is always hard, it’s not the right relationship for you! Find the one who makes you feel good, more than they make you feel bad.

No relationship is 100% perfect, but I do feel like ours is very close to that. I am so blessed and happy to have D as my life partner and wife. She’s the best! Of course, I guess I could have just gotten VERY lucky, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think everyone can find it if they don’t settle for less.

Sorry, this is probably not the post you wanted from me, Chronically Undiagnosed, but I think it can give you hope that you can find the light at the end of the tunnel too. LBD doesn’t have to happen, if you both are committed to working on it. If one of you wants to work, and the other doesn’t – run for the hills! You deserve to be happy AND sexually fulfilled.



I Suck At Blogging

I’ve officially become one of those bloggers. You know the ones – they come to their blog once every 30-60 days to pop in to say hello, and have nothing of substance to report. Yup. That’s me!

I keep this blog open so I can go back and look at it from time to time as a sort of diary, and also so I have access to my Reader so I can keep up with all of you! (I guess I do stop by here more often than every 30-60 days – in fact, I check this place almost every day, but I haven’t felt like writing here.)

Who knows, maybe I will have a burst of inspiration some time soon!

To those of you still reading, if you have some inspiration of what to write about to share – I am all ears!



National Coming Out Day – I missed it!

I missed posting on National Coming Out Day this past weekend. So sorry! I’m a bad lesbian! :) So in honor of NCOD, I have added a new category to the right called “Coming out”, which will link you to three stories: My coming out to my parents, my coming out to my best friend, and another one about how we come out over and over again, even now. Check them out!

A lot has been going on in Casa de TLND, as you probably could have guessed by the fact I haven’t been blogging. Nothing too terrible, just dealing with Big D and the no good, rotten depression he still struggles with. We are all hanging in there, and D and I are stronger than ever. I’m not going to write about the details of what he’s been going through, mostly because he is an adult now, and it seems wrong in some way. We’ve been on a roller coaster ride with him for years now, and just when we think he’s out of the woods, he’s not. He’s making great progress right now, so I can only hope we can hold on to that. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about family and what it means. People always seem to have these really tight-knit families who spend lots of time together. I have really never had that (with my parents and siblings – I have it with D and Big D). To the outside world, my parents were amazing and so loving, but to the people inside the house, we knew it was all an act. They were never physically abusive, but I always sort of felt like a bother to them – which is probably why I am so independent now. I had to learn to care for myself early on.

Now that they’ve moved to North Carolina, I can see them for who they are clearer. All they care about is money and the church. They have gotten super-uber religious again, and it makes me not want to talk to them. My mother is attending revivals, and they are always at church or doing something with the church. Not believing in a god, it does not appeal to me to talk about the bible or church constantly. She keeps telling me how welcoming their church is, as if that will make me pack up, come there and attend their church! I could care less if they are accepting! They still believe homosexuality is a “choice” and a “lifestyle”, and they are only big fakes when they say they are okay with it, while they secretly judge you. I’ve never outright told my parents I don’t believe in god. I think the most I’ve said is that I was “questioning” faith. My mother doesn’t really want to hear that I don’t believe. She would probably cry, try to convince me, and then ultimately not talk to me anymore.

I sometimes see commercials or movies where the relationship between the kids and the parents is so wonderful. I know, it’s just TV. I don’t think that all parents are that close to their kids – but some have to be, right? I am still coming to terms with their leaving, and with the fact that I have never, and will never, have the close relationship most seem to have. I say “most”, but is that accurate? How many of you are really close with your parents and siblings? I’m really curious to know. D is very close with hers. I can’t even begin to know what that feels like.

No wonder I have anxiety! I was always feeling like they didn’t want me, and that they could leave at any second, and now they have! Yet they always badger me about it (anxiety) and how I have to go out and see the world. You know what? I don’t want to! That’s my choice and it’s okay.

This has turned into a big rambling post, so I’ll stop now. I do hope it inspires some of you to write about your family relationships though – I really want to hear what you all have to say!

It’s Inevitable

As most of you know, I work on a college campus. I am also the advisor to the Gay/Straight alliance on campus, so I usually send out emails about the groups’ activities and invite people to the meetings. Every couple of years there is one or two jackasses that would rather assault me with an anti-gay tirade than just delete the damn emails. I mean, I always add a subject line with it, so they don’t even need to open it! I started getting these back in 2006. Here are the actual emails I was sent after I sent one out about the first meeting of the year:

“I respect other people’s right to be gay. I have many gay friends and even a relative, but I am strait. I think that you guys take it too far with pushing homosexuality on the campus. It gets to the point where I am starting to be irritated by people because of it. Respect my right top be strait and I will respect yours to be gay. No more e-mails please. I think it’s great what you are trying to do, but it’s becoming too much for me. Thank you”

I wrote him back and told him to please just delete my emails, and that I couldn’t take him off the email listserv because it went to all students, and he needed to be able to receive important emails from other people that used it too. He responded with:


Well that escalated quickly! Simmer down! I promptly forwarded the emails to my bosses and my IT Department. Everyone supported my decision to not try and take him off the list, and that he probably was in most need of seeing those emails due to his ignorant responses. I mean c’mon! He couldn’t even spell straight correctly! I think I again reiterated that he should simply delete my emails. The last email I got from him was this:

“I am not taking this personally and I do not appreciate the way that I have been treated by those respoinsible for the e-mail process. I do not accept this homosexual solicitation through e-mail and will take further action.”

Oooooo I’m scared! Apparently “taking further action” meant that he would complain a little more, and then eventually leave the school (or graduate – I can’t remember). As I said, that was back in 2006 (and yes, I do have emails saved from almost a decade ago – and longer – don’t judge me! ;) ) I’m sure there were more like this over the years, but this was the most memorable one.  The one I got this year (just last week), was way toned down from those emails 8 years ago. It simply said:

“Please UNSUBSCRIBE me from your email list.”

Well alrighty then. Again, I can’t take you off the list, sorry! You should exercise your right to use your index finger to click the delete button with your mouse. You do not have to read it, but you have to understand that there are people out there – the shy kid who doesn’t know anyone else gay, the activist who wants to create a change, the girl who’s still in the closet due to her parent’s religion – those people, they need to hear that we are here for them. I refuse to be silent because you are not comfortable enough with your own sexuality to ignore an email that clearly doesn’t pertain to you.

Both of these students (and all others I have heard from) are males. I have not once gotten an adverse response from one single female. Not in the entire 13 years I have worked here. Huh. What does that say to you? To me it says these men felt threatened that gay people even exist because in some way it threatened their own sexuality. I’m not a guy, so I don’t know for sure. If there are any males out there reading – what do you think of it?



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