Category Archives: Coming out

Coming out again and again

I often tell stories on here that relate to people being confused about who D and I are to each other when we are out and about. When people see us, they see two feminine women together all the time, and that makes them wonder what’s up. I, for one, would never ask random strangers who they are to each other, but I get it. It’s our lot in life to have to come out over and over again.

About 3 weeks ago, D and I had a date day and we did something we have rarely ever do: went shopping for an entire day! Why is this rare? Because we have both become very frugal and don’t spend a lot of money on ourselves. We decided we wanted to throw caution to the wind and go for it! (I know what you’re thinking – we are ANIMALS 🙂 Grrr, baby 🙂 )

We started out at a store that sells perfume, as I was looking for a new scent to wear. (The store rhymes with Wrath and Roddy Twerks). We walked in and were greeted by the nice lady (probably in her sixties), and I explained that my usual scent was discontinued years ago and that the only place I can find it is on E*Bay, and it’s really expensive. She asked me what it was and when I told her, directed me to a new scent. I sprayed some on my wrist and really liked it. Then I kept asking D what she thought of it, and she kept smelling it too. The following ensued:

Me: (to D) Do you like it?

D: Yes, but do you?

Lady: Are you two sisters?

At that point both D and I answered in unison, but said different things. I said “We’re married,” and D, for some reason, said “We’re wives.” (Later when we were reminiscing about this, she told me that’s what she said and I thought it was funny. She’s so cute 🙂 )

Lady: face drops, stumbles a bit. You look so much alike!

Me: We’re told that all the time. (pointing to D) She has good taste.

We laughed it off and joked with the lady some more. I made my purchases and we left the store to continue shopping. We walked by again later on our way to the shoe store, and the lady was out front. She yelled to me: “You smell so good! Who sold you that scent?”

I laughed and said “Thank you! You did!”

We thought it was cute that she was joking with us still. You never can tell how people will react when you tell them!

 

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National Coming Out Day 2013

Well hello dear readers! I have been a busy bee and unable to update here as often as I would like. But, being that today is National Coming Out Day, I thought I should pop over and say hi 😉

Last year I wrote the story of when and how I came out to my parents, but when I was thinking about this today, I really came out before that to my best friend. I’ve written about V before here, but it was so long ago, I will tell a bit of the story again.

I was 17 and just beginning my senior year of high school. V was an exchange student from France that was living with the gym teacher and his wife, who was the cheer-leading coach. Cheering was huge at my high school. We had been state champs 6 years in a row at that point. Anyway, she was at cheering practice when I pulled up to the school and saw her there. We met and the coach asked me to take V home, as she was tired and bored. Let me say again this was the first time I ever met her! I agreed and drove her home.

V barely spoke any English, and she awkwardly asked me to come inside. I went in and we sat in the kitchen, trying to talk to each other.  She then offered me a banana. They were green, but I couldn’t figure out how to explain that they weren’t ripe yet. We each tried to peel our banana, with no success, and she finally got out a knife. Once we got enough of the skin off, we both took a bite at the same time, and you should have seen our faces! She spit hers out, and we both started laughing. I was trying so hard to be polite that I tried to eat an unripe banana! That day was just the first of many, many days we spent together that year. We became best friends (and still laughed about that story for years).

Then it happened, as it inevitably did with almost all of my best friends: I fell for her. I think my crush was heightened due to the fact that she would tease me and make me feel like I actually had a chance with her. That entire year was torture for me because I was definitely not out, and was just putting the pieces together about why I wasn’t happy dating men. You know those crush feelings? Where you always believe something will happen and it is sweet bliss coursing through you? Yeah, that was how I felt for about 9 months. Then, one night, we came this close to doing something about it. We didn’t have sex, but what we did do, she was very into. We stopped, I only assume because it scared us both. That was in 1995, and the world was a lot less accepting of gay people than it is now. The next day, she wouldn’t talk to me. I was devastated because I thought we had finally made a break through. When we finally did talk, she said she wasn’t into it, it scared her, and that she’s not gay. It broke my heart. I admitted that I did enjoy it, but that it wouldn’t happen again, and I wanted us to remain close. She agreed.

Over the next few months, she kept flirting and giving me false hope. She began to kiss me when we saw each other sometimes (not long kisses, but kisses nonetheless) and even practiced giving hickies on my stomach. (She used the ruse that she was practicing for guys, yeah right!) I was head over heels for her. It was definitely the first time I felt anything romantic for anyone.

Just before she left, I made a video of her in all of our favorite places. I still have it. In one part, she was sitting at the top of the hill in our cemetery – one of our favorite places to go – talking about our year, and she said “I don’t regret anything.” I knew what she meant at that moment, and I couldn’t believe my ears. The next day, I went to her house to say goodbye, and there in her driveway I said the words I had never said to anyone. I said, “I don’t want to scare you, but I think I am bi.” (I didn’t use the word gay yet, not until 2 years later). She didn’t seem surprised at all and I think she even said she had guessed it. How could she not?!

Unfortunately she didn’t come out to me too that day, but she did accept me and gave me a hug. She came back to visit a year later with her boyfriend and was trying to be flirty, but by then I was over it and onto someone new.

Whenever I think about my coming out story, I always think of V. She is the reason I realized who I am! I would not change that for anything. She’s married now and has at least one child, and I haven’t spoken to her in years. She will always be a part of me no matter what.

At the time I wanted nothing more than to be with her forever. Oh, how naive we are at that age! I am very glad we never became a couple because who knows where I would be right now? I am very happy with the way my life turned out. V helped me figure out a lot of things about myself, but ultimately she wasn’t the one. That place was saved for my one and only love – my wife 😉

Happy National Coming Out Day everyone!!

 

National Coming Out Day

It would be remiss of me if I didn’t pop over here and talk about National Coming Out Day, since I am a gay-lady and I am out 😉

I know somewhere way back I told my coming out story, but I thought I’d re-tell it today for the occasion and for any new readers out there.

I was 19 and dating a guy I had dated since I was about 16. His name was Shawn and he was a year younger than me. I was a sophomore in college and he had just joined the Marines. I was trying to force myself to really like him, which is why we kept going back to each other. It never felt right, but I was trying to be “normal”. He came home for Christmas that year, and it was the one and only time we had sex – if you can even call it that. Anyway, he left to go back to the Marines, and I went back to college. As the months went by and we didn’t speak (not even on Valentines Day), I realized more and more how much I wasn’t interested in him. I was crushing on girls at school and daydreaming about having relationships with them. I first told my best friend at the time that I thought I was bisexual and her response was that everyone is at least a little bisexual. Hmmmmm. (When I fell for her a few years later I found out she wasn’t talking about herself in that statement!)

In May of 1997, when I was 20 year old, Shawn came home for a visit. I didn’t hear from him, and when I called his house and he wasn’t there, I didn’t care much. My mother noticed that I didn’t care and said to me, “Maybe you don’t like boys.” To which I replied, “Maybe I don’t.” She immediately started to cry, so I revised my statement and told her I was Bi. I think she knew all along, she just didn’t want to face it. My dad came in from the store and asked what was going on, since by then we were both crying. “She’s like Ellen (Degeneres)!” my mother yelped. “More like Anne Heche,” was my reply. (To this day she denies saying that, but it is SO TRUE! 🙂 ) My dad just said “So what?” and that made me feel much better. My mother then clarified her tears by saying that she wasn’t upset at me, but upset that her hopes and dreams for me were gone, like having grandkids, etc., and I told her I could still have kids and I was the same person she knew all those years.

As the weeks went by, things were just fine. It took my mom the longest to come to terms with it, but then she was the biggest supporter.  One of my brothers didn’t believe I was gay until I told him three times. Every time I would say I was, he would say, “No you’re not” – not in a mean way, just in a disbelieving way. My grandmother and most of my immediate relatives were fine about it. I only have one very religious uncle and aunt that still don’t accept me, but fuck ’em, I don’t care.

The only problem I had coming out was that I had to do it twice to my mom. What I mean is that since I told her I was bi, she was trying to still set me up with guys. So I finally said to her, “No thank you. I don’t like men in that way at all. I’m not bi, I’m gay.”

I was terrified to come out. Terrified they wouldn’t accept me. Terrified I’d be kicked out of the house. Once I did it, I knew it was the most important thing I had ever done and I am so very glad I did!

If you’re reading this and aren’t out, I really hope you have the courage one day to do it. You won’t regret it! Being true to yourself feels so much better than trying to be someone you’re not for someone else. Love yourself, and know that there are people out there who love you – no matter what.

Happy National Coming Out Day Everyone!!