Welcome to another installment of  “Who are you? Who is your kid?”

This past Thursday night we had to go to a Senior class meeting at Big D’s school. He told us about it the night before and Thursday nights is when our class is, so that day was non-stop work – class – class meeting. It was crazy and I did. not. like. 🙂 Anyway, while we were there, D overheard some parents talking. One of them said, “Who are those people sitting with Big D?” To which the other replied, “One is his mom, and the other one I don’t know, I think it’s his sister or his aunt.” Okay, I didn’t hear this, but D swears this took place. Since Big D is skipping a grade, this is the first time we have had a meeting with this particular set of parents. But we live in a VERY small town. The school has maybe 500 kids from 7-12th grade. How could people still not know?

All of the mothers from the class below this one know us and accept us. We have never been in your face about it, but if they ask, we tell them.  So, fast forward to Saturday morning at 7:00 (yes, 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday). We, the moms of the senior football players and cheerleaders, had to go make breakfast for them. We got there and there were 5 other moms there. D and I set up the tables and chairs, set up plates, napkins, forks, etc. Then we were standing there asking if there was anything we could do. Nobody answered and went on cooking in silence. It was kind of awkward because when I cooked breakfast with the sophomore class moms last year, we were all laughing and joking and just having fun.Totally different vibe here.

I knew one of the moms as we sold tickets for the games together last year and she also works at the school. So I started talking to her and basically said, “Since Big D skipped a grade, we don’t know anyone here.” Kind of as a hint to get introduced or to introduce ourselves. No one took that hint. (D thinks it’s because none of them really know each other – which may be true.) You may wonder why we just didn’t walk over and introduce ourselves. Everyone was concentrating on cooking and had their backs to us. Plus, we are not the pushy type.

The lady I know asked us if we could help her upstairs, and D and I said yes. When we got up there, I said to her, “You know Marie, I know you know me as we sold tickets together last year, my name is M.” She said “Oh yeah! I have a hard time with names, but I remember you.” So I said, “But I don’t think you’ve met D. This is D.” She shook her hand and said nice to meet you. Then she said, “What’s your last name?” And D replied, “F. I’m Big D’s mom.” Then she turned to me and said, “And your last name is?” And I replied, “F. We’re partners. We’re both Big D’s mom.” She laughed a little nervously, but was cordial and joked with us and talked to us for the rest of the three hours we were there. (Yes, I said 3 hours.)

When we got back down to the room, one of the other mothers started talking to us, and even came over and introduced herself. She asked for our email addresses and home phone since she didn’t get it from Big D. We wrote them down for her. We think she may already have known about us and she was funny and nice the whole time. She is the mother of the class President, and Big D used to play basketball with her younger son, although we had never really met. So that was great.

As the morning went on, D and I made a huge joke out of our job. We had to handle pouring the juice and chocolate milk. We poured a bunch of glasses, and then had to go over and fill up more as they disappeared. Once I was standing with another mother who just started to tell me that she thought I babysat for her younger daughters a long time ago, (she was right! I was probably like 14 or 15 years old, but I did sit for them once or twice), and I looked up and D was waving to me to come over to the drink table. I turned to the lady and said, “I’ll be right back. There seems to be an emergency at the juice table.” She laughed, and when we came back over we said, “You two thought you had it hard making those pancakes, we have the high pressure juice job!” So we got them to loosen up a bit.

At the very end, as we were all cleaning up, FINALLY two other moms came up to introduce themselves. They shook our hands, said their names, and we said ours. Then one of them asks, “So you both have kids on the team who are graduating.” And D said, “No. Just Big D.” I said, “We’re both his moms, we’re a package deal.” She still looked confused, but maybe she got it.

So, another year, another new set of parents to try and get to understand. How thick can these people be? I told D it’s because we don’t walk around announcing it, and that maybe we should do that. But she said, no, that it’s better this way. We will tell them if they ask, but they can get to know us for us, and see that we are not threatening – that we are just normal. I think she has a point. We have never had any trouble with anyone in Big D’s school. It may be best to just continue on the way we have been. Afterall, it may change some people’s minds about what a lesbian is!

Oh, and the lady that took our email addresses? She told Big D when she saw him that she met his moms and that we are really funny and nice 🙂


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on September 12, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Nice to get some good mom-feedback! And good for you on sticking it out and letting them come around. I often wonder what people are thinking when they figure it out, but I’m glad it was just that the moms all seemed quiet and weird with each other, too–not just with you! Maybe now that you’ve been friendly they’ll start being friendly, too, and your next breakfast will be more like the sophomore year mom club!

  2. It’s funny in this day and age how people react or just don’t get it. They definitely make us feel like aliens (as in, from another planet) sometimes lol. Glad it all turned out ok though. I was very much hoping there was no major drama about it once I started reading.

  3. I wonder if the women didn’t know each other. It feels so strange to not know other parents but I think with the advent of so much technology we are losing that connection a lot of the time. Happy to hear it all worked out even though it sounds a bit awkward. I kinda like when people don’t know what to say when I say I am one of my kid’s moms.

    • Yeah, I think they didn’t really know each other. I’m always surprised when people are not curious about who everyone is.

      I like when they don’t know what to say too – it reaffirms for me that we might be able to change a few minds or at least educate them that not all lesbians look the same!

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