I’ve officially become one of those bloggers. You know the ones – they come to their blog once every 30-60 days to pop in to say hello, and have nothing of substance to report. Yup. That’s me!
I keep this blog open so I can go back and look at it from time to time as a sort of diary, and also so I have access to my Reader so I can keep up with all of you! (I guess I do stop by here more often than every 30-60 days – in fact, I check this place almost every day, but I haven’t felt like writing here.)
Who knows, maybe I will have a burst of inspiration some time soon!
To those of you still reading, if you have some inspiration of what to write about to share – I am all ears!
I missed posting on National Coming Out Day this past weekend. So sorry! I’m a bad lesbian! 🙂 So in honor of NCOD, I have added a new category to the right called “Coming out”, which will link you to three stories: My coming out to my parents, my coming out to my best friend, and another one about how we come out over and over again, even now. Check them out!
A lot has been going on in Casa de TLND, as you probably could have guessed by the fact I haven’t been blogging. Nothing too terrible, just dealing with Big D and the no good, rotten depression he still struggles with. We are all hanging in there, and D and I are stronger than ever. I’m not going to write about the details of what he’s been going through, mostly because he is an adult now, and it seems wrong in some way. We’ve been on a roller coaster ride with him for years now, and just when we think he’s out of the woods, he’s not. He’s making great progress right now, so I can only hope we can hold on to that. We’ll see.
In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about family and what it means. People always seem to have these really tight-knit families who spend lots of time together. I have really never had that (with my parents and siblings – I have it with D and Big D). To the outside world, my parents were amazing and so loving, but to the people inside the house, we knew it was all an act. They were never physically abusive, but I always sort of felt like a bother to them – which is probably why I am so independent now. I had to learn to care for myself early on.
Now that they’ve moved to North Carolina, I can see them for who they are clearer. All they care about is money and the church. They have gotten super-uber religious again, and it makes me not want to talk to them. My mother is attending revivals, and they are always at church or doing something with the church. Not believing in a god, it does not appeal to me to talk about the bible or church constantly. She keeps telling me how welcoming their church is, as if that will make me pack up, come there and attend their church! I could care less if they are accepting! They still believe homosexuality is a “choice” and a “lifestyle”, and they are only big fakes when they say they are okay with it, while they secretly judge you. I’ve never outright told my parents I don’t believe in god. I think the most I’ve said is that I was “questioning” faith. My mother doesn’t really want to hear that I don’t believe. She would probably cry, try to convince me, and then ultimately not talk to me anymore.
I sometimes see commercials or movies where the relationship between the kids and the parents is so wonderful. I know, it’s just TV. I don’t think that all parents are that close to their kids – but some have to be, right? I am still coming to terms with their leaving, and with the fact that I have never, and will never, have the close relationship most seem to have. I say “most”, but is that accurate? How many of you are really close with your parents and siblings? I’m really curious to know. D is very close with hers. I can’t even begin to know what that feels like.
No wonder I have anxiety! I was always feeling like they didn’t want me, and that they could leave at any second, and now they have! Yet they always badger me about it (anxiety) and how I have to go out and see the world. You know what? I don’t want to! That’s my choice and it’s okay.
This has turned into a big rambling post, so I’ll stop now. I do hope it inspires some of you to write about your family relationships though – I really want to hear what you all have to say!
As most of you know, I work on a college campus. I am also the advisor to the Gay/Straight alliance on campus, so I usually send out emails about the groups’ activities and invite people to the meetings. Every couple of years there is one or two jackasses that would rather assault me with an anti-gay tirade than just delete the damn emails. I mean, I always add a subject line with it, so they don’t even need to open it! I started getting these back in 2006. Here are the actual emails I was sent after I sent one out about the first meeting of the year:
“I respect other people’s right to be gay. I have many gay friends and even a relative, but I am strait. I think that you guys take it too far with pushing homosexuality on the campus. It gets to the point where I am starting to be irritated by people because of it. Respect my right top be strait and I will respect yours to be gay. No more e-mails please. I think it’s great what you are trying to do, but it’s becoming too much for me. Thank you”
I wrote him back and told him to please just delete my emails, and that I couldn’t take him off the email listserv because it went to all students, and he needed to be able to receive important emails from other people that used it too. He responded with:
“I have repeatedly asked to not recieve e-mail notices for the ******* club. I have asked nicely, I have explained my reasons, but my patience is at an end. I know how the e-mail notices work and INO MORE SEXUALLY BASED E-MAILS EVER. I AM STRAIT AND YOU ARE NOT RESPECTING MY RIGHTS TO NOT BE ADVERTISED TO. I WILL CONSIDER FURTHER E-MAILS HARASSMENT AND GO STRAIT TO THE TOP WITH MY COMPLAINT. YOU ARE PROMOTING HOMOSEXUALITY AND I HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT BE ADVERTISED TO. THIS HAD BETTER BE THE LAST TIME. NO MORE E-MAILS…EVER”
Well that escalated quickly! Simmer down! I promptly forwarded the emails to my bosses and my IT Department. Everyone supported my decision to not try and take him off the list, and that he probably was in most need of seeing those emails due to his ignorant responses. I mean c’mon! He couldn’t even spell straight correctly! I think I again reiterated that he should simply delete my emails. The last email I got from him was this:
“I am not taking this personally and I do not appreciate the way that I have been treated by those respoinsible for the e-mail process. I do not accept this homosexual solicitation through e-mail and will take further action.”
Oooooo I’m scared! Apparently “taking further action” meant that he would complain a little more, and then eventually leave the school (or graduate – I can’t remember). As I said, that was back in 2006 (and yes, I do have emails saved from almost a decade ago – and longer – don’t judge me! 😉 ) I’m sure there were more like this over the years, but this was the most memorable one. The one I got this year (just last week), was way toned down from those emails 8 years ago. It simply said:
“Please UNSUBSCRIBE me from your email list.”
Well alrighty then. Again, I can’t take you off the list, sorry! You should exercise your right to use your index finger to click the delete button with your mouse. You do not have to read it, but you have to understand that there are people out there – the shy kid who doesn’t know anyone else gay, the activist who wants to create a change, the girl who’s still in the closet due to her parent’s religion – those people, they need to hear that we are here for them. I refuse to be silent because you are not comfortable enough with your own sexuality to ignore an email that clearly doesn’t pertain to you.
Both of these students (and all others I have heard from) are males. I have not once gotten an adverse response from one single female. Not in the entire 13 years I have worked here. Huh. What does that say to you? To me it says these men felt threatened that gay people even exist because in some way it threatened their own sexuality. I’m not a guy, so I don’t know for sure. If there are any males out there reading – what do you think of it?