Monthly Archives: May 2017

Long, long ago

Long, long ago I started this blog as a place just write any and everything that was on my mind. I was bored and had no focus. It evolved into a blog about my family and every now and again about politics, gun control and tv shows I like. Then something happened. Our son began to go down a mental rabbit hole and we were lost. I wrote a fair bit about him last year and the year before, and then I stopped writing altogether.

When Big D’s mental health started to go off the rails, I didn’t know what to do or where to go or how to help him. We did everything in our power to get him the help he needs – from Doctor’s appointments, to Therapy appointments (both family and him by himself) to medication and blood tests. We tried everything. It was sad to see him go down, and also very frustrating. Living with him became an absolute nightmare. He was edgy, moody, withdrawn, uninterested in life and definitely pretending to try and feel better, but not making an effort for real. I started going crazy. I was an emotional basket case. Every time he did something good, I would run here and write about it. Then the next day or week it would all fall apart again. I refuse to even talk about the good anymore, for fear it will all go away. We are all still alive. There have been huge changes, and two hospital stays (for him). There have been good days and bad days, and everything in between days. We take everything one step at a time. One day at a time.

A good friend (and former boss) of mine, has had to deal with both of her sons going down the rabbit hole of schizophrenia. The youngest took his own life almost 12 years ago. Their second son just started showing symptoms a few years ago. He is now in his thirties. It has been a big struggle and huge shock to them, as most people start showing signs in their teens. Her husband is a Pulitzer Prize winning author who wrote a book about it all, which was just published recentlyI can relate to the content so much.

My friend and I meet together for lunch every few months to talk about Big D, her surviving son,  and for me to get her advice about what we are doing and what we can be doing. She is great at teaching me when to let go of things and to appreciate the little victories. At the end of every lunch session, we always repeat our motto: One little victory at a time.

I’ve been around periodically – still reading, and sometimes commenting on your blogs. I miss this community. I miss this platform. I miss writing.

Maybe someday I will be back here more often.