National Coming Out Day – I missed it!

I missed posting on National Coming Out Day this past weekend. So sorry! I’m a bad lesbian! 🙂 So in honor of NCOD, I have added a new category to the right called “Coming out”, which will link you to three stories: My coming out to my parents, my coming out to my best friend, and another one about how we come out over and over again, even now. Check them out!

A lot has been going on in Casa de TLND, as you probably could have guessed by the fact I haven’t been blogging. Nothing too terrible, just dealing with Big D and the no good, rotten depression he still struggles with. We are all hanging in there, and D and I are stronger than ever. I’m not going to write about the details of what he’s been going through, mostly because he is an adult now, and it seems wrong in some way. We’ve been on a roller coaster ride with him for years now, and just when we think he’s out of the woods, he’s not. He’s making great progress right now, so I can only hope we can hold on to that. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about family and what it means. People always seem to have these really tight-knit families who spend lots of time together. I have really never had that (with my parents and siblings – I have it with D and Big D). To the outside world, my parents were amazing and so loving, but to the people inside the house, we knew it was all an act. They were never physically abusive, but I always sort of felt like a bother to them – which is probably why I am so independent now. I had to learn to care for myself early on.

Now that they’ve moved to North Carolina, I can see them for who they are clearer. All they care about is money and the church. They have gotten super-uber religious again, and it makes me not want to talk to them. My mother is attending revivals, and they are always at church or doing something with the church. Not believing in a god, it does not appeal to me to talk about the bible or church constantly. She keeps telling me how welcoming their church is, as if that will make me pack up, come there and attend their church! I could care less if they are accepting! They still believe homosexuality is a “choice” and a “lifestyle”, and they are only big fakes when they say they are okay with it, while they secretly judge you. I’ve never outright told my parents I don’t believe in god. I think the most I’ve said is that I was “questioning” faith. My mother doesn’t really want to hear that I don’t believe. She would probably cry, try to convince me, and then ultimately not talk to me anymore.

I sometimes see commercials or movies where the relationship between the kids and the parents is so wonderful. I know, it’s just TV. I don’t think that all parents are that close to their kids – but some have to be, right? I am still coming to terms with their leaving, and with the fact that I have never, and will never, have the close relationship most seem to have. I say “most”, but is that accurate? How many of you are really close with your parents and siblings? I’m really curious to know. D is very close with hers. I can’t even begin to know what that feels like.

No wonder I have anxiety! I was always feeling like they didn’t want me, and that they could leave at any second, and now they have! Yet they always badger me about it (anxiety) and how I have to go out and see the world. You know what? I don’t want to! That’s my choice and it’s okay.

This has turned into a big rambling post, so I’ll stop now. I do hope it inspires some of you to write about your family relationships though – I really want to hear what you all have to say!

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About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 40 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 22 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on October 13, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I;m not real close with my immediate family either, but my wife is.
    I have no idea how that works.

  2. I am ridiculously close to my family and siblings. In fact, I get made fun of because every Sunday we all get together for huge Sunday dinners and it doesn’t matter what else is going on! “NOPE! I’ll be at moms” . I have 2 brothers and 2 sister, and my mom and dad, all their significant others and a 6 year old niece and one on the way. Sometimes we can be a little TOO involved but ultimately it’s all out of love. My siblings are my best friends, and even on a bad day, I would rather spend time with them than anyone else. We’re that family that always says “Love You” when we hang up the phone. My friends (who I consider family) have been “adopted” and agree that my family pretty awesome. I never understood people NOT being close to their families…it’s unfortunate. But I think it’s because my parents had us young (17 and 18) and now that we are in our late 20’s and early 30’s we connect with hem on a different level. They aren’t even 50 yet and spend more time at happy hour than we do! Apparently 50 is the new 30! I’m hoping that things with your family sort themselves out and that you feel a little closer to them without all the religious stuff getting in the way…

    • Wow! You are lucky!

      However, even though I sometimes wish for that kind of connection with them, if I had it, I think it would be annoying! 🙂 I’m very much a loner…but maybe that’s because we’re not close? Hmmm…it’s a head scratcher! I think you’re as close as your parents show you how to be. Mine were more interested in themselves and making good appearances than they were with their own children.

  3. I was immensely close to my mother (she passed away 4 years ago), but it was an ever evolving relationship to get there. Now, my siblings are another story. It was not always like that. I used to be quite close to my brother and sister. Then “the gay” happened. Neither of them attended my wedding. I have limited (and supervised) interaction with my nieces and nephew. My sister is UBER religious, I get you completely there. She prays for me and my sinning soul regularly and has even said that she is sad knowing we will not be together in Heaven. Yeah, so there is that. DW’s family sounds JUST LIKE your’s. All we are loving and accepting blah blah blah to the community when behind closed doors it is rampant homophobia and religious fuckery going on. Incidentally, in a college psych class, I learned that high instances of religiosity is directly related to mental illness. Take that for what it is 😉

    • I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, and of the asshole-ness of your siblings because of you sexuality. Some people just suck! 🙂 Every time my mom says, “I pray for you,” I tell her “Don’t!”

      Just to clarify – my parents were actually really cool with me being gay. They were shocked at first, but since have been fine. They have always just been more interested in themselves and their own pursuits than their kids. Sorry to hear your DW’s family is homophobic and uber-religious. Yuck! 😛

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