Coming out again and again

I often tell stories on here that relate to people being confused about who D and I are to each other when we are out and about. When people see us, they see two feminine women together all the time, and that makes them wonder what’s up. I, for one, would never ask random strangers who they are to each other, but I get it. It’s our lot in life to have to come out over and over again.

About 3 weeks ago, D and I had a date day and we did something we have rarely ever do: went shopping for an entire day! Why is this rare? Because we have both become very frugal and don’t spend a lot of money on ourselves. We decided we wanted to throw caution to the wind and go for it! (I know what you’re thinking – we are ANIMALS πŸ™‚ Grrr, baby πŸ™‚ )

We started out at a store that sells perfume, as I was looking for a new scent to wear. (The store rhymes with Wrath and Roddy Twerks). We walked in and were greeted by the nice lady (probably in her sixties), and I explained that my usual scent was discontinued years ago and that the only place I can find it is on E*Bay, and it’s really expensive. She asked me what it was and when I told her, directed me to a new scent. I sprayed some on my wrist and really liked it. Then I kept asking D what she thought of it, and she kept smelling it too. The following ensued:

Me: (to D) Do you like it?

D: Yes, but do you?

Lady: Are you two sisters?

At that point both D and I answered in unison, but said different things. I said “We’re married,” and D, for some reason, said “We’re wives.” (Later when we were reminiscing about this, she told me that’s what she said and I thought it was funny. She’s so cute πŸ™‚ )

Lady: face drops, stumbles a bit. You look so much alike!

Me: We’re told that all the time. (pointing to D) She has good taste.

We laughed it off and joked with the lady some more. I made my purchases and we left the store to continue shopping. We walked by again later on our way to the shoe store, and the lady was out front. She yelled to me: “You smell so good! Who sold you that scent?”

I laughed and said “Thank you! You did!”

We thought it was cute that she was joking with us still. You never can tell how people will react when you tell them!

 

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About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 40 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 22 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on April 29, 2014, in Coming out and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. Ha! May all your coming-outs be as entertaining!

  2. Coming out is a never ending adventure. I frequently start to think that it is something that we are done with, but then I realize that there is another person in our life who doesn’t really get it, and deserves a little bit more explaination. My spouse finds it emotional and stressful each time, so I have been named the official comer-outer for both of us. πŸ™‚ (I find it emotional, but not at all stressful. She is much less stressed once I have filled people in with our story).

    • πŸ™‚ That’s cute that you are the official “comer-outer” πŸ™‚ My wife finds it irritating that people need to know, but she’s getting better at not hesitating when people ask. I don’t find it emotional, stressful or irritating – I always think it’s kind of funny πŸ™‚ People are so curious!

  3. We get asked occasionally, which is weird. Once we were in a thrift store and some old lady was following us around asking if we were sisters? No. Cousins? No. Finally we just said we were married and she said oh and left us alone. But the best was planning our wedding dinner. We sat with the catering woman for an hour, choosing the food, napkins, etc. And at the end she looked as us both and was like, um, are you guys friends? And we just stared at her until I said, uh, no, we’re getting married. To each other. And she said, ‘oh! so you’re really good friends then!’ Yes, lady. Really good friends. I guess they just wrote down our last names on the order and she didn’t think it was odd that we kept debating what we both wanted for the whole time we were choosing things.

    • Haha! That is too funny, and reminds me so much of a bunch of stories with D and I. We had a lady follow us around the store before asking those same questions! I don’t think we ever told her, though. We left her guessing!

    • This is so funny! I was about to comment about a guy that asked if we were friends? Cousins? Just good friends? Um…something like that. Lol. We also once had a lady at a store ask similar questions in a store and eventually we said, “We’re married,” and she looked incredibly confused as though she couldn’t understand what our marital status had to do with whether we were sisters – she still thought we were two straight girls. I think many lesbian couples have a bond that seems closer than friendship and people want to understand.

      I have so many other stories, so I am going to share just one more =P

      We were at a bridal show while planning our wedding and they gave our pins that said “Bride” on them to the brides. Obviously, we both got one. So many vendors were like, “Oh – two brides! Wow! Are you getting married around the same time too?” Nobody assumed we could possibly be marrying each other (yet someone immediately asked, “Is this your husband” when I brought my father in law with me to an event while my wife was at work lol). The funniest one was a lady that said, “Oh, two brides – that must be so exciting to plan together.” Yes, it definitely is! “What is your wedding date?” July 7. “And what is your wedding date?” July 7. “Wow!! You’re getting married on the same day. Is it a joint wedding or are you going to be fighting for guests?” We’re marrying each other. “Ohhh okay.” Then she awkwardly looked away and kind of ignored us lol.

      • Too funny! Some people are a little thick in the head! We have so many stories of telling people we are married, and then still having to explain that we are married to each other πŸ™‚

        I love seeing the look on their face when they finally figure it out, but I hate when they all of a sudden ignore us. You were fine with us 5 seconds ago! What changed? πŸ™‚

      • Exactly! I love this post. I have been talking about these situations for a while now and my straight friends are all surprised that it happens so often. I was kind of excited to see that we aren’t the only ones.

        Even though it can be upsetting when the person is not the nicest person in the world, I do like having the opportunity to come out to strangers so that they can see that nice, normal looking lesbian couples exist and that we are literally just like them. I think it surprises some people that otherwise had a strange idea of what all lesbians must be like. I used to have a problem with it, but now I actually enjoy being asked and getting to explain that we are married.

      • πŸ™‚ I am so glad to hear we aren’t the only ones out there that this happens to! (I think it’s called Femme Invisibility)

        I, too, enjoy being asked! πŸ™‚

  4. I should say that I had a great experience last Sunday with an 85 year old woman at my dad’s church. I introduced my wife kind of quickly to get it over with and she looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘I wish my daughter had a wife.’ Then she spent the next hour telling me about her daughter’s coming-out and how she herself used to hang out at gay bars in San Francisco in the late 40s and early 50s. NOT what I was expecting at all!

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