Lesbian Myths

Hello everyone! Another day, another post. I can’t believe I have posted a blog for the last 4 days in a row! It’s a miracle! I must really feel like writing again.

Last night we were watching The Re.al Wor.ld Ex-Plosion*. For those of you who don’t know, The Real World is a “reality” series that puts 7 strangers in a house and films all their wacky adventures and drunkenness. I think I enjoy it because I am not – have never been, and will never be – like the people on this show. They are crazy and drunk most of the time, and not at all a real representation of the youth in the US, but it is entertaining nonetheless. There is a lesbian on the show this year, and they are bringing everyone’s exes in to live in the house too – to the shock of everyone – including all the exes. The shit-storm that will likely ensue should be spectacular.

Anyway, the lesbian, Arielle, has an ex named Ashley (I think that’s her name?) and she was visiting before they moved all the exes in. With me so far? Okay, so they slept together while she was there. Then, later in the episode, Arielle is walking around with a strap-on on, waving it around and everything…they actually showed this on TV.

I had an immediate reaction to this, and that was “I really wish they hadn’t shown that.” You may wonder why (and I will tell you 😉 ). It is because it completely perpetuates the stereotype that all lesbians need a penis in their bedrooms to be sexually satisfied. THAT IS SIMPLY NOT THE CASE. It’s hard enough to be accepted for who we are without people perpetuating stereotypes. I can see all the young, straight people in their living rooms going – “Ah- ha! I knew it! Every lesbian needs a strap-on! Now all is right with the world, because I now know for sure that a penis is 100% needed in order to have sex!”

Wrong-o! I hate to burst your bubble, but two women can, and do, have very satisfying sexual relations without the use of any sort of toy whatsoever. Shocking!!

More myths I loathe:

  • The “one of them is a man” myth. Answer: NO ONE IS THE MAN. We are two WOMEN. Therefore, neither is “the man”. If you are asking which one mows the lawn, fixes stuff and does the fatherly things with the kids, then the answer is both. Sometimes one of the moms likes to do one thing on that list more than the other. Sometimes they both like it. For instance, I like to fix things, and I am more likely the one to play basketball or toss the football with our son. D and I both like to do the yard work, and we both do not shy away from large house projects. Yet neither one of us owns a penis. Since when was that a requirement to do anything around the house that requires a brain?
  • Every lesbian relationship has a butch and a femme. Again, this is dead wrong. D and I are both feminine, and I know several  couples like us, as well as several butch-butch couples. The variations in lesbian relationships are as vast as the variations in hetero ones. There are butch/femme couples out there, and I think the reason this is the biggest myth is because they are the most obvious of couples. If you see two femmes together, you think they are sisters or friends (as we get asked constantly when we are out). The same is true of butch/butch relationships, you assume they are buddies, but with a butch/femme relationship people can see it. It’s obvious, and it seems to fit the social norm of male/female relationships, so people think that’s all there is. And one more thing, just because one of the women is more “manly looking” than the other, there are still no men in the relationship.
  • Two women cannot raise a son without a man. This one irks me so badly!! I had one “friend” whom I stopped speaking with when he made an (albeit innocent) comment about how he should take Big D out to play basketball. Um, no. Big D does not need you to teach him sports. I am not a very sporty girl, but I know enough about them to be able to teach my son. Again, having a penis does not give you the monopoly on this. Do we have men in our son’s life? Of course! Do we need them to teach him the “manly” things? No.
  • Two women will only raise gay kids. Or feminine boys. Um, no. Just, no. Big D is “all boy” as they say. I am sure there are gay couples out there who happen to have gay kids, but it’s all about the hard-wiring in the brain who you are attracted to, not a learned behavior. Big D likes girls. Have we raised him to be open about who he likes no matter what? YES. When he was small, I used to say to him, “if you get married when you grow up, your wife or husband will …” By the time he was about 14 or so, he would say, “You don’t have to say husband, you can say wife.” And I would say, “Okay, I just want to make sure you know we would still love you no matter what your orientation is.” And he gets it. The benefit of having two moms or two dads is that you can express yourself freely. If you are straight, gay or bi, good for you! You don’t have to stress yourself out and become suicidal about coming out. They also have the benefit of realizing people are different. Some like boys, some like girls, some like both, some like people who are transgender, and some don’t like either. The point is, people have a right to be whoever they are, and kids of gay parents really do get that. As far as the feminine boy thing goes, Big D is not feminine at all. He knows how to respect people, but there are certain “male” things he does that we have no idea where he learned them. Maybe it was his peers. Maybe it is engrained in him. We may never know, but he is who he is and we love him.
  •  Women cannot do anything that requires manual labor either in their job or around the house. I cringe whenever I hear women saying things like “The light bulb is burnt out and my husband isn’t home to fix it.” Or “I can’t hang this picture, my husband will do it.” Or “That’s too heavy, let me husband do it.” I don’t know if some women want their husbands to feel more needed or what, but damn it girl! Get out the damn stepladder and change the damn light bulb yourself! No stepladder? Use a chair! Or your brain, for christ sakes! You CAN hang a picture. Women can do everything men can do, and vice versa. What is in your pants does not determine what you can and cannot do. (This is more of a general female myth, but it also applies when other women ask us how we can do certain things without a man around.)

Look, I don’t hate men, no matter how it looks from this post. I have a lot of males in my life and I love them all. They also know that I am self-sufficient. I do not need help lifting that heavy box – and if I do, I will ask my wife to help me. I may look delicate and girly, but I can do what I need to do 😉

If you have a myth you would like me to confirm or deny, just ask!

* Don’t judge me on this choice of entertainment alone. I like watching the train wreck, and I’ve been watching it since season one, when I was much more of the age demographic 😉 


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on January 31, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. The bringing the UHAUL on a 2nd date myth. I know lesbians tend to rush into seriousness in relationships, so this one’s partly true.

    But I still hate it!

    • Ah yes! That one! It is partly true…D and I would have UHauled if Big D wasn’t in the picture, but we had to wait a bit and moved in together within 7 months. So, pretty quick, but not as quick as some!

      I get why you hate it 🙂

  2. crazybeautifulchronicles

    How have I not seen this show?! Either way I completely agree with you on all points made!!

    It reminded me of an article going around FB I posted a few weeks back about what not to say to your lesbian friend.

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