Monthly Archives: January 2014

Lesbian Myths

Hello everyone! Another day, another post. I can’t believe I have posted a blog for the last 4 days in a row! It’s a miracle! I must really feel like writing again.

Last night we were watching The Wor.ld Ex-Plosion*. For those of you who don’t know, The Real World is a “reality” series that puts 7 strangers in a house and films all their wacky adventures and drunkenness. I think I enjoy it because I am not – have never been, and will never be – like the people on this show. They are crazy and drunk most of the time, and not at all a real representation of the youth in the US, but it is entertaining nonetheless. There is a lesbian on the show this year, and they are bringing everyone’s exes in to live in the house too – to the shock of everyone – including all the exes. The shit-storm that will likely ensue should be spectacular.

Anyway, the lesbian, Arielle, has an ex named Ashley (I think that’s her name?) and she was visiting before they moved all the exes in. With me so far? Okay, so they slept together while she was there. Then, later in the episode, Arielle is walking around with a strap-on on, waving it around and everything…they actually showed this on TV.

I had an immediate reaction to this, and that was “I really wish they hadn’t shown that.” You may wonder why (and I will tell you 😉 ). It is because it completely perpetuates the stereotype that all lesbians need a penis in their bedrooms to be sexually satisfied. THAT IS SIMPLY NOT THE CASE. It’s hard enough to be accepted for who we are without people perpetuating stereotypes. I can see all the young, straight people in their living rooms going – “Ah- ha! I knew it! Every lesbian needs a strap-on! Now all is right with the world, because I now know for sure that a penis is 100% needed in order to have sex!”

Wrong-o! I hate to burst your bubble, but two women can, and do, have very satisfying sexual relations without the use of any sort of toy whatsoever. Shocking!!

More myths I loathe:

  • The “one of them is a man” myth. Answer: NO ONE IS THE MAN. We are two WOMEN. Therefore, neither is “the man”. If you are asking which one mows the lawn, fixes stuff and does the fatherly things with the kids, then the answer is both. Sometimes one of the moms likes to do one thing on that list more than the other. Sometimes they both like it. For instance, I like to fix things, and I am more likely the one to play basketball or toss the football with our son. D and I both like to do the yard work, and we both do not shy away from large house projects. Yet neither one of us owns a penis. Since when was that a requirement to do anything around the house that requires a brain?
  • Every lesbian relationship has a butch and a femme. Again, this is dead wrong. D and I are both feminine, and I know several  couples like us, as well as several butch-butch couples. The variations in lesbian relationships are as vast as the variations in hetero ones. There are butch/femme couples out there, and I think the reason this is the biggest myth is because they are the most obvious of couples. If you see two femmes together, you think they are sisters or friends (as we get asked constantly when we are out). The same is true of butch/butch relationships, you assume they are buddies, but with a butch/femme relationship people can see it. It’s obvious, and it seems to fit the social norm of male/female relationships, so people think that’s all there is. And one more thing, just because one of the women is more “manly looking” than the other, there are still no men in the relationship.
  • Two women cannot raise a son without a man. This one irks me so badly!! I had one “friend” whom I stopped speaking with when he made an (albeit innocent) comment about how he should take Big D out to play basketball. Um, no. Big D does not need you to teach him sports. I am not a very sporty girl, but I know enough about them to be able to teach my son. Again, having a penis does not give you the monopoly on this. Do we have men in our son’s life? Of course! Do we need them to teach him the “manly” things? No.
  • Two women will only raise gay kids. Or feminine boys. Um, no. Just, no. Big D is “all boy” as they say. I am sure there are gay couples out there who happen to have gay kids, but it’s all about the hard-wiring in the brain who you are attracted to, not a learned behavior. Big D likes girls. Have we raised him to be open about who he likes no matter what? YES. When he was small, I used to say to him, “if you get married when you grow up, your wife or husband will …” By the time he was about 14 or so, he would say, “You don’t have to say husband, you can say wife.” And I would say, “Okay, I just want to make sure you know we would still love you no matter what your orientation is.” And he gets it. The benefit of having two moms or two dads is that you can express yourself freely. If you are straight, gay or bi, good for you! You don’t have to stress yourself out and become suicidal about coming out. They also have the benefit of realizing people are different. Some like boys, some like girls, some like both, some like people who are transgender, and some don’t like either. The point is, people have a right to be whoever they are, and kids of gay parents really do get that. As far as the feminine boy thing goes, Big D is not feminine at all. He knows how to respect people, but there are certain “male” things he does that we have no idea where he learned them. Maybe it was his peers. Maybe it is engrained in him. We may never know, but he is who he is and we love him.
  •  Women cannot do anything that requires manual labor either in their job or around the house. I cringe whenever I hear women saying things like “The light bulb is burnt out and my husband isn’t home to fix it.” Or “I can’t hang this picture, my husband will do it.” Or “That’s too heavy, let me husband do it.” I don’t know if some women want their husbands to feel more needed or what, but damn it girl! Get out the damn stepladder and change the damn light bulb yourself! No stepladder? Use a chair! Or your brain, for christ sakes! You CAN hang a picture. Women can do everything men can do, and vice versa. What is in your pants does not determine what you can and cannot do. (This is more of a general female myth, but it also applies when other women ask us how we can do certain things without a man around.)

Look, I don’t hate men, no matter how it looks from this post. I have a lot of males in my life and I love them all. They also know that I am self-sufficient. I do not need help lifting that heavy box – and if I do, I will ask my wife to help me. I may look delicate and girly, but I can do what I need to do 😉

If you have a myth you would like me to confirm or deny, just ask!

* Don’t judge me on this choice of entertainment alone. I like watching the train wreck, and I’ve been watching it since season one, when I was much more of the age demographic 😉 

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How to Fall Asleep Fast, by TLND

Good Morning!

Do you have trouble sleeping? I think all of us have at some point or another. I, for one, had many bouts with insomnia before I realized what I needed to do, so I thought I’d share some of my tips and tricks for falling asleep fast!*

First and foremost are the no-brainers:

  • Exercise!! Ever since I started exercising for at least 30 minutes 6 days a week, I have been sleeping like a rock. I get up at 5:30 and do a 1/2 hour workout. I also try to get in a few walks a day, but with this polar vortex crap, that has not been happening. Not only have I lost 16 pounds since July 26th, I am exhausted at the end of the day.
  • Go to bed at a reasonable hour and at roughly the same time every night. I realize this is a challenge for some, and so it might not be feasible. We go up to bed at 9:00 every night. We talk for a little while in the dark, and then we fall asleep usually by 9:30/10:00. (I know this is super early for a lot of people – the trick is to get yourself into bed with at least 6-7 hours to devote to sleep).
  • No TV in the bedroom! Keep the room dark and quiet when you go up to sleep.
  • Use a white-noise fan or air purifier. This is my lifesaver! I used to never be able to sleep with noise, but now I can’t sleep without it!
  • Eat well. Or at least try not to eat heavy things before bed.

Now that I got that stuff out of the way, you may ask – how do you fall asleep if you have too many things running through your head? This took me a while to figure out, but I came up with some ingenious ways to overcome it:

  • Say the alphabet backwards in your head over and over. It’s easy and it helps by making you think of something mundane. Also, when you are first trying to do it, it seems hard, so you have to concentrate – which takes your mind off other things. Now it’s so easy for me – zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba. See? 🙂
  • Think of products/fruits/names/cities in either alphabetical or reverse alphabetical order. You can’t move to the next letter until you name something from the category that goes with the letter. (a=Adam, b=Brad, C=Carl and so on) I usually go through using boys names and then go back through with girls names if I am still not asleep.
  • Count backwards by 3’s from 300. Again, something slightly challenging that keeps your mind off other things.
  • And now, my all time, ultimate way to fall asleep these days: Name the 50 states in backwards alphabetical order. I made an illustration for you:
The States

The States

The above graphic is how my brain organizes them. It looks like it is in forward order, but I always start from the bottom in my head. It was challenging at first, and now I have it down pat.

So there you have it! Tips and tricks to sleep well by TLND!**

* I am not an expert. I am simply one woman who wishes someone had taught her some tricks earlier in her life! These tips and tricks may not work for everyone, but they’re worth a shot!

** These are the kinds of boring posts you will be getting from me until my blogger-block resolves, or until someone gives me an idea what to blog about 😉

What do you want to know?

I haven’t had a lot to blog about lately, and I am picking up new followers almost daily. So my question to all of you is, what do you want to read when you visit here? Do you have any questions for me? Are you curious about something, but afraid to ask? I’m an open book, and will answer just about anything. Do you want me to read and recap a crappy book, like I started to do with 50 Shades? (if so, which book(s)?

Please, please, my dear readers, give me something to blog about!*

*I realize this is a pretty pathetic attempt to get new ideas to blog about, but I couldn’t think of anything else. Help me? Pretty please??




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