I Never Said I Love You

Hello everyone! I am alive! This semester has been very hectic, because I took a class. I know, what was I thinking? It was a writing class, and it’s technically not over yet. I gave my final presentation yesterday and handed in my paper, so I am completely done. I just have to sit through 2 more classes. Phew! It was a fun class, but I thought it would focus more on creative writing than it did. I’m glad I took it, but I will not be taking another one for a loooonnnggg time, if ever.

So now I can go back to what I love to do – blog, and continue writing my novel. This blog isn’t about all of that though, this is about young love.

My nephew J (who has Aspergers) has had a string of girlfriends over the last few years, and they always start saying I love you right away. Like, within a week! I’ve noticed my sister does the same thing, and she’s 42!

When I was a teenager (after age 13 or so) and even young adult, I never, ever said I love you to anyone I was dating. Granted, I was dating boys, so maybe that is why I never said it. I dated this one boy Shawn on and off for almost 4 years and he would say it to me all.the.time. But I never said it back. I couldn’t because I didn’t feel it. I felt bad about not saying it back, but I just could not do it. Thankfully me not being able to say it held the sex at bay. I told him I couldn’t have sex with him until I felt like I truly loved him. That’s one of the main reasons we were on again/off again, I mean, he was a teenage boy and his girlfriend wouldn’t sleep with him! When I was a sophomore in college, I finally said it to him, but I didn’t really feel it. We didn’t last much longer than that.

The only people I would say I love you to were my best friends at the time – all girls, and all people I had major crushes on – but they took it as “I love you like a friend”.

Love is such a strong word. I don’t use it lightly. In fact, I have a co-worker that says , “I love you, M!” almost every day, and I will not say I love you back. I mean, I like her, but I don’t love her. That word is reserved for my wife. What good is a word if you say it to everyone? It should have weight to it, no?

I wonder if I am weird in thinking this way…

I just read this back to myself and it is a very crappy blog entry, but I guess I have to start somewhere!

 

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About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 40 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 22 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on December 10, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. Haha. πŸ™‚ I remember back when I dated boys too, I always silently added “as a friend” to most of my “I love you”s I felt I should be saying.

  2. You aren’t weird – I am the same way. I ONLY say it when I mean it, truly from the heart. I don’t like people’s casual use of such a powerful word.

  3. I remember refusing to say it and thinking it was lame and to lightly thrown around. Never tied it to sex though.

    • I think I did that so that I wouldn’t have to have it with him! LOL!

      As an adult, with the very few women I have slept with, being in love first wasn’t a prerequisite, but love did happen with each of them soon after πŸ˜‰

  4. I totally agree with you about “that phrase” not being thrown around lightly!

  5. Glad you’re back! But, I’m also glad you had a crazy, productive, and hopefully inspiring semester. xx

  6. Hey there – it’s been a while since I stopped by. Hope all is well πŸ™‚

    Hmm. I don’t think you’re weird. I share the same sentiments. I do have this one friend who always says ‘love you’ and that kinda makes me feel weird…because the word gets so abused/ overused that it’s like it doesn’t mean anything when she says it.

    I only say ‘I love you’ if I really mean it. And never in like a week. It takes time.

    If people were more careful with the ‘I love yous’ I wonder if we’d have a lot less unwanted pregnancies. Hmm.

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