Am I strange?

A lot of bloggers have been writing about Facebook lately, and not to jump on the bandwagon or anything, there is something about it that bothers me. Actually, there are a lot of things about it that bother me, but a new thing in particular: Friends.

Let me explain. I come from a very small town where the high school housed maybe 500 students across grades 7-12. 500 people is a lot in normal instances, but for a high school it means that you know everybody. Or at least you know what everyone’s name is, even if you don’t know them personally. High school was a trying time for me. I was depressed. I felt older than everyone else, and, of course, I was trying to come to grips with my burgeoning sexuality. I was also kind of shy. Because of all of this, I had a small circle of friends. There were 15 of us that hung out together in 10th and 11th grade. We were all non-smokers, non-drug-users and non-drinkers in a town full of kids experimenting with such things. We were also mostly all virgins too. (I know, we sound like a group of really cool kids! LOL!) We would do wholesome stuff like bowling and truth or dare and going to the school dances as a group. After a while, a few started to do things on their own and I got invited less and less. It was really not a fun time, since I was one of the original people who started up the “group”ย  in the first place.

The problem came when my mortal enemy joined the “group”. Okay, so the term mortal enemy may be too strong. This is a girl whom I was best friends with in 7th grade. Slowly she started to change and started to push me out of her life. I think it was low self esteem – she is not an attractive girl by far. Her personality really changed, and she was more interested in getting boys to sleep with her than she was staying friends with me. She also started backstabbing me, and it was all just an ugly experience. We didn’t talk much between 7th grade and the time when she came into the “group”. Then she started taking over. She was the one making plans. She was the one deciding who got invited where. And, as she had done before, she pushed me out. And I let her. She pushed me out of my own group and I didn’t do anything to stop it. She would tell me she wasn’t doing it – that there weren’t enough cars or space or some other bullshit and that’s why I wasn’t invited. When I was in charge of all the plans, everyone was included no matter what.

After I was pushed out, I moved on. I had only one or two very close friendships after that for the remainder of high school, one of which I have written about before about her opening my eyes to my sexuality. Over the years I stayed in touch on and off with those couple of friends, and they visited from time to time. I am still in touch with one of them, and I am so grateful to FB because it would be really hard to keep in touch with her without it.

So that brings me to the point of this post. I am “friends” with almost all of my former high school classmates, including the mortal enemy* and all of the people from the “group” on FB. I am also “friends” with a lot of other people from my school that I didn’t know very well. Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of these people actually see each other in real life. Like, they go out of their way to hang out with each other. They know each others kids and spouses. They go to dinners and concerts together. Even people who I never saw hang out together in school, are now hanging out as adults. It just all seems so weird to me.

I think the reason these relationships seem so disingenuous to me is because a lot of these kids wouldn’t give me the time of day in high school. It would be fake of me to really interact with them because I don’t know them anymore. I don’t really want to know the majority of them either. I know, I know, people grow up and change. They could have been assholes in school, but now they’re really nice. I get that, but I just can’t bring myself to believe it.

I’ve seen some of my classmates out and about, and I never know what to say to them, let alone make plans with them! We knew each other eons ago, and frankly none of them really knew me. I’ve only hung out with a couple of them less than a handful of times in the last 18 years since graduation. We had an 11 year reunion** and ironically it was held at my house. We only had about 10 people come – and it was the best time – but I haven’t seen any of them in person since. The mortal enemy was there too, and she was all bubbly and nice and talking about how we had to do it more often. Then, when I saw her again 7 months later, she went back to ignoring me. See? Fake.

I was talking to D about this last night and I think all of it has to do with the fact that I am a fiercely loyal friend. If I am your friend, you will know just about everything about me, and I will about you. I will be very protective of you and love you to the core of my being. You can’t put that kind of energy into a lot of people, so I can only have a few true friends at a time. It feels too bogus if I do it any other way. Does that make sense?

Boy, this really makes me sound clingy and dull! That’s not it at all. I think it’s just if I call someone a friend, it’s because I really know and like them. That doesn’tย  mean I don’t talk to anyone. On the contrary, I have many work colleagues whom I think are wonderful and interesting people. But do I “hang out” with them outside of work functions? No.

What do you think? Do you still see and hang out with people you went to high school with?

* You might be wondering why I have the mortal enemy as a friend on FB. Well, don’t you know that saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer? ๐Ÿ˜‰

** No one planned anything for the 10th year, so another classmate and I got one together for the 11th year.


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on March 14, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I can totally relate to this post. I have people friend me on fb from high school and I’m like why? We never hung out in high school and you’re not my friend. I usually just accept them and then end up deleting them down the road. And if I see you out in public, there is a good chance that I will ignore you!

  2. I leave the past in the past, and I don’t see many of my high/secondary school friends now. With a few exceptions: I have stayed friends with two classmates who I went to my first school with. We see each other maybe once a year, and it’s like we’ve never been apart. Mel is my other exception, in that we stay in touch via the means of Facebook, blogging and Twitter. We’ve only had the chance to meet up once and hopefully we will repeat it.

    Now I’ve moved away I know I won’t see any of them so it’s a moot point really, but I wouldn’t choose to socialise with people who made me feel socially awkward as a young’un. When at school you kind of cling to people to not feel ostracised, and sometimes those unions forge good friendships, other times they’re friendships of convenience. Rather like relationships, really!!!

    • That’s so cool that you and Mel found each other! I’m not totally against something like that happening to me. When we had the reunion, I got along with some of the people I never did in school, but, like I said above, I haven’t seen them since.

      I guess it just takes a lot of energy to try and get new friendships going. For me, it has to happen naturally. Guess I’m just lazy! ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL!

  3. I see Zo got here before me!

    Your mention of noticing people hanging out who hardly knew one another at school made me think of Zo and I .. we were in the same class for four years and didn’t really hang out or get to know one another at all – it was only when we were 23/24 that we got in touch and realised that actually we did have an awful lot to chat about after all.

    We change as we grow up, priorities change. I’m not who I was at school, at all – and I don’t think Zo is either. I often wonder whether either of us would have found the courage to come out earlier if we’d have been closer friends at school!

    • Like I said to Zo above, I’m so happy for you guys! It’s the whole keeping it going thing for me. I think if I really wanted it, I wouldn’t mind putting the effort in!

      I’ve often wondered the same about some of my old classmates who later came out. Why couldn’t we all have been brave back then? I definitely would have had more people to relate to!

  4. Yet another reason I ditched FB. The fakeness of o it all. I didn’t have too many old high school people befriend me, thank goodness, because by the time I graduated I disliked everyone (we’d been going to school together since preK). But there were others who would seem close, and then just drop you. Also creepers. There were people who I would think were normal and then they’d suddenly turn creeper. Got to be too much for me. YUCK.

    If you want to stay with fb, why not just defriend all those people you don’t really like? What’s the point in keeping them? (I didn’t want to mess with that, so I just deleted. One girl I’d been close to had defriended me months ago and I hadn’t noticed. So there ya go.)

    • Haha! I know what you mean about disliking most of them because you had been with them since preK. We moved here when I was 8, so I knew all of them since 3rd grade, but that’s still a long time.

      When we had the reunion, I was surprised by who I connected with the most – this girl who was very rough and tumble in school, but now is a really nice woman – but the effort I would need to put in made it fizzle fast. I still see her on FB and we sometimes bring up the idea of doing another reunion.

      If it wasn’t for my really good friend from Ecuador and all my family living far away, I might just ditch it – but alas that is not the case.

  5. Half the time I don’t want such “friends” or don’t identify with them that way. The other half, I’m fascinated by people and learning about what they are up to, etc.

  6. Thanks so much for this! I can completely relate.

  7. Like many have already stated, I can relate: small school, town and county. I left for university and didn’t look back too much. Each and every time I go back to visit, I’m reminded of why I left that area in the first place. I have one single Facebook friend from high school. That’s it. I have a personal rule when accepting a friend request; if a person wants to be my friend on Facebook then they need to write a little something, a blurb at least to say ‘hey.’ I do not accept friend requests from people who only click on a button and assume I’m going to remember who they are. I am a true believer in quality over quantity; online or off. Peace.

  8. I love your blog. As for my former high school friends, I totally ignore them both in real life and in fb too. works all the time ๐Ÿ˜€ I cannot stand the catching up sessions especially because all they talk about is how awesome their boyfriends are!

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