Crazy Neighbor Lady

Yesterday started off bad. I was irritable, depressed and on the verge of crying. I hadn’t been sleeping well, my schedule was off, and I was stressed. No one knew except D and myself, but I was having a rough, rough day.

Fast forward to the end of the day and I get a message from D asking if I could stop at the pharmacy after work and pick up a prescription for Big D (who is home already for his birthday weekend). I said okay – since it is in the same town I work in. I was exhausted, cranky and still almost crying when the time came to go. I rushed over to the pharmacy we always use and they didn’t have it there. They asked when it was called in, and I said about an hour ago. They looked again – nothing. So they went to find the Dr. to ask him (the pharmacy is attached to our medical center). At that point I decided to text Big D, but he didn’t answer, so I called the house. It turned out that he had it sent to the other pharmacy in town – one we hadn’t used in quite a while because of the crappy service. I told the people behind the counter that I was sorry and then rushed to go to the other one, which is right down the street. Did I mention it was about 15 degrees out? Yeah – fun!

So I got to the next pharmacy and asked for the prescription. It was called in, but they hadn’t worked on it yet. They asked me if I wanted to wait for it, and I asked how long. The answer was 10-15 minutes. I thought I could handle that, so I said yes. I saw a co-worker come in and we chatted a bit. I told her I had to wait and she said, “Even if you had had it called in yesterday, it still would not have been ready!” Clue number 1 that this was going to be a terrible experience.

People came and went and I was still standing there. A lady came in and asked for her prescription which was called in the day before and guess what? It wasn’t ready! The lady told her it would be a 45 minute wait, and the she said, “Well that’s not happening!” Clue number 2 that I should have just gone home then. The way she said it made me laugh – so that was a little bonus.   (She did end up coming back and waiting because the person she was picking it up for really needed it.)

20 minutes went by, and I WAS STILL STANDING THERE. All the while I am texting D, and telling her she might as well cook supper and they should start eating as I would probably be home in 3 hours! She told me to just come home, but I thought, nah, it will be ready soon – and I sure as heck didn’t want to have to go back today and relive the nightmare.

I look up from my phone and there is a woman staring at me. I recognize her and say hello. She says “You live in (the name of our town), right?” So I say yes and she says, “Right across the street from Kevin*.” So I say yes and ask her if she still lives there too.

I need to take a time out here and give you a little background on Kevin. He is probably in his mid to late 60’s. He was married to a very beloved school teacher for several years. About 5 years ago she wasn’t feeling well and went to the Doctor. They found out she had cancer and tried to operate, but they said it was “fire cancer” and as soon as they opened her up, it spread like crazy. All they could do was sew her back up. She died a week later. There was maybe a few weeks between when she found out she had cancer and when she died. It was devastating to the whole town. She was my 3rd grade teacher, and one of the kindest women I had met. A few weeks later, the woman who I was talking to at the pharmacy last night (who I’ll call Linda) started showing up to his house more and more. She is probably in her forties. Soon, she was living there. She seemed like an odd duck, but we never met her in person or talked to her.

Flash forward to last night. After she places me and I ask her if she still lives there she says, “No. He was cheating on me with 6 different women he met online.” I was shocked, and I just stood there as she told me that she moved out last summer, and that he was still seeing one of the women, but, and I quote “only for a piece of ass.” Did I mention that I have never spoken to this woman before? Yeah.

So I say to her, “Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear it. I’m M, by the way,” thinking that she would introduce herself to me too since I didn’t know her name. Nope. She goes straight into, “We’ve been best friends for 15 years. He is still my best friend. I took care of his wife before she died! So he cheats on me, and now he’s calling me every night asking me to hook up. He even called me last night and asked if I would be in an open relationship with him! Can you believe that?” Cue me trying not to looked shocked that I have just heard all the sordid details of my short, balding, older neighbor’s sex life. Not to mention we are standing in the middle of the aisle of the pharmacy where people are walking by constantly.

I’m nodding, saying sorry to hear it over and over, and then she comes out with this little gem: “So he just calls me tonight and asks me if I want to have dinner, and I tell him okay, but I’m just making my mother’s goulash. You know, the kind made with water?” She stressed water, and I was left thinking – what does this mean? Is Kevin allergic to water? Is goulash sometimes not made with water? I mean you have to boil the noodles, right? I had so many more questions, but I thought if I asked them, I would never get rid of her.

Thankfully she got called up for her prescription (so I finally learned her first name!), and I realized then that she is an over-sharer by nature as she began telling the ladies behind the counter about all sorts of illnesses she has had, even though they never asked. And just like that, she left. No goodbye to me – her apparently new best friend.

I went up to the counter and asked how much longer it would be, as by then I had been there 30 FREAKING MINUTES! She told me she was “mixing it now”, so I thought, okay, only a few more minutes. A few minutes turned into 20, and I FINALLY got out of there after being there for nearly an hour! A FREAKING HOUR people!

You are probably thinking that the ‘script I was waiting for was some miraculous concoction for some amazingly complicated problem Big D is having. No. It was acne cream**. Yes, I waited 55 minutes for zit cream! Who loves you now, Big D?

* Not his real name

** Big D does not have a huge acne problem. He was concerned by a little bit on his forehead that won’t go away with over the counter creams, so his doctor prescribed him something stronger.

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About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 40 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 22 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on January 18, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I love oversharers!!!

  2. It was definitely entertaining!

  3. Oh my, what an experience! Now you are The Lesbian Next Door Who Knows Too Much. Were you by chance at a pharmacy operated by the incompetent HMO I work for? It sure sounds like it. I liked your disclaimer about the acne, too. : )

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