A Bit of a Rant

After all my lovey-dovey-ness for my wifey posts, I thought I’d switch gears a bit and rant about her ex for a minute. You know, the Donor? Yeah – he’s an asshole. The biggest asshole ever. I thought I’d let you know why I feel this way in an open letter to him. Enjoy!

Dear  (no wait, you are not dear to me) Hey Donor-

How dare you? How dare you have your other son call our house last week to try and get information about Big D? We hadn’t heard from him in years, so we knew something was up when he called. D was smart enough to let him know that Big D was no longer at home, but in college, and also smart enough not to tell him which college. Then, no less than 10 minutes later, the phone rang again and it was you. Um, I thought we told you not to call anymore? Big D told you not to call anymore. In fact, a year and a half ago, Big D told you he never wanted to talk to you again (after another of a thousand promises you broke to him) – and you called anyway 3 months later and triggered him into a downward spiral of depression and anxiety that made his last year of high school a living hell for all three of us. So I wonder now why, after several months of bliss at not hearing from you, did you call? Why did you think we would tell you anything about OUR son? He doesn’t want you to know! If he did, he would have told you!

You said you will always be his father. Uh, no – biology doesn’t make you a father. Caring for, supporting and nurturing your kids does. If you got your head out of your ass, the bottle out of your hand, and the powder out of your nose, you would see that! You tried to blame D for your relationship with Big D. Need I remind you that it was your choice to stop visitation after the Judge ordered it supervised on Big D’s request? Even after that, and even though he hadn’t seen you for months, when he asked to see you, we tried our hardest and made it happen (with our supervision close by). No matter how D or I felt about you, it was always about him and what he needed. If it was about us, we would never have let you see him, since you are $70,000 in arrears on your child support!

After you made the father remark, you went on and on about how much this hurts you. What about Big D??? He was thoroughly and completely broken by you and we had to help him pick up the pieces and put him back together. Then you have the audacity to tell D that Big D is resilient and will forget about all the bad stuff you did to him? Again, no. You think it’s us, but in 4 months when he is 18 and doesn’t contact you, you will see it is all him. It was his decision 100%. We went through several miserable years with you around for his sake. Now he is extremely happy and well adjusted, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you or your input.

You have no right to him anymore. He is not your child, he is mine. I know that sounds harsh, but you didn’t raise him – I did*. You didn’t dry his tears, clean up his vomit and make him feel better when he was down – I did. You didn’t go to his games and cheer him on – I did. You didn’t give him advice when he asked for it and truly listened when he spoke – I did. So fuck you. You have no fucking right to call yourself a father. You have no right to know where he is. You have no right to see him. You have no right to call MY fucking house and upset MY wife! You are a worthless piece of shit.

At the end of the call, you made D promise to tell Big D you had called. She did promise, but guess what? There is no fucking way in hell we would EVER tell him you called! We will never, ever say another word about you again. If he brings you up, so be it, but you will never, ever get us to tell him about you. After all he went through with you – and after all the therapy and mourning he had to do – he is the happiest he has ever been, and we would never take that away from him. It’s not always about you Donor. It is about Big D! Can’t you see that? Can’t you realize you are toxic to him?

Even though D stayed strong through the call, just hearing your voice made her on edge for the rest of the night. We will no longer be answering the phone when you call. We will also no longer actively pursue child support. If we never have to see you again for the rest of our lives, it will be too soon.

We have tried and tried and tried with you. We’re done. Fuck off and leave all of us alone now!



* Of course I mean both D and I when I say I did.

P.S. I wrote this post in my head last week and am just now getting it on here. I’m not still reeling from the call, but I was for a few days.


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on September 21, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. This is me in ten years’ time.
    It’s good to see how things are going to turn out. Once a c**t, always a c**t (& I never use that word, only for really bad people)

    He and Superdad should be best buddies.


    (Sorry, that’d not a very eloquent comment, but he angered me for you. I can totally empathise with your thoughts and I’d be exactly the same in your position too).

  2. GOAS – sorry to say this, but I believe you’re right! And yes, I think they would be best buds if they lived near each other!

    Strawberry- if he keeps it up, maybe – although we’ve tried before and they said no because he didn’t threaten us….messed up system!

  3. oh dear god. why are people such asses, and so self-absorbed. there is no doubt that you and D have done a fabulous job with your family. i wish all 3 of you peace from this situation from hell, and i hope that the donor gets the idea one day that he is unwelcome and not helping at all. he lost his chance to call himself a parent. move on, dude.

    sending you love & peace.

  4. Oh, M … you know, this post made me feel happy for you … happy that your family have the passion and resilience to fix one another, to remain together as a unit, to shut out the bad when it has no further use. Because really, that’s what this post was, a display of the wrath a mother will show to someone, if they dare mess with her child. Go you, Go D, Go Big D – you are all very lucky to have one another. We’re lucky to witness it 🙂 xx

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