This Conversation Actually Just Happened

I just went down the hall to make photocopies* and the following exchange occurred:

P: Did Heather bring in the porn book today?

Office worker: Yes she did!

Me: Huh? Porn book? I think I walked into something I wasn’t supposed to hear.

Office worker: Fifty Shades of Grey. P is going to read it.

Me (to P): We need to have a talk.

P: It’s the third one, I’ve already read the first two.

Me: Really? I think it they are the most horrible books ever written.

P: You do?? But you got through them?

Me: No, I only got to page 150** of the first one, and then I had rolled my eyes so much, I had to put it away.

Office worker: I love them! I couldn’t put them down!

P: Me either!

Me: Just to clarify, it’s not the content for me, it’s the writing (meaning it’s not the straight sex). Plus, she always hears and sees her subconscious! How do you do that exactly??

P: Yeah, I thought that was a little odd.

Me: It’s your subconscious! As in BELOW your consciousness!

Office worker: But there is so much more story to it than just the subconscious! The plot was great!

Me to Office worker: My mom loved them too, to each their own!

Office worker walks away and I make a “there is no plot” motion with my hand (kind of like the slicing your neck and shaking your head motion ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

Office worker (at the copier now): The story is amazing! I loved the plot.

P: Well, I already read the first two, so I want to see what happens.

Me: P, if you got through the first two with no problem, you can get through that one too!

Other office workers are giggling in their cubicles.

I started to walk away and P said: I’ll let you know what happens.

Me: I already know what happens. I read blogs that re-cap it in parody form and they are HYSTERICAL! But that’s the only way I can read these books – in parody form.

All the other office workings were laughing with me now. I think I am not the only one here who hated these “books” with the fire of a thousand suns!

Office worker to P as I am leaving: So, what do you think happens in this one?

All I could think of while walking back to my office was WHY???????!!!!!!!!! Why do these women like these books??? It can’t be the writing -a grade schooler could have done better! It can’t be the plot – there is none! It can’t be the BDSM storyline – because it’s not about BDSM – it’s about ABUSE!! So what is it that makes these women so in love with this book????? Seriously, I would like to know! If anyone out there read these books and loved them, please comment here and tell me why.

I haven’t seen any positive reviews on the internet lately (with the exception of the ones on Amazon) and I am wondering if these women are saying they love these books out of peer pressure. If Sally likes it, it must be good. Then you read it and hate it, but you don’t want to hurt Sally’s feelings, so you say you like it too. UGGGHHHHHH!!!!! When will the agony of hearing about people loving Fifty Shades end????????

*This particular office doesn’t open to the public until 9:00 am. Lest you think we were a bunch of unprofessional slobs ๐Ÿ™‚ *

**I forgot that I actually made it to page 170 before I wanted to blow my brains out, but with this book, 150/ 170 – potato potahto – there is SO.MUCH.REPETITION.**


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on September 10, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Based on all the reviews and what you wrote about it, I have an extremely negative view of anyone who likes those books.

  2. My sister-in-law, whom I usually respect, likes these books. I just don’t understand it. I felt like I was having a brain hemorrhage when I tried to read one of them. I made it through about two pages before deciding that almost anything would be better than reading the books. So horrible!

    • I know, right? It’s like all these women have been abducted by aliens and programmed to like these books. I don’t think there could be any other explanation, do you? ๐Ÿ˜‰
      Why else would women love books about a man controlling and abusing a woman?

  3. I don’t get it either. Read a few of the reviews on Amazon – I know some of these had to be real humans – no one can make up that many reviews. Not to mention the fan sites – FAN SITES – there is one called Laters, Baby. (I will wait for you to finish puking) I mean, just – I’m with you. Why? I just – WHYYYYYYYYYYYY? I’ve heard people say it’s the love story they are so into – just – love story? I just finished a chapter where romantic hero actually does something decent by helping a psycho girl he screwed up earlier by helping her bathe and getting her clean clothes. So what does heroine do? She whines – not because minutes earlier this psycho girl had a gun pointed at her head. Oh, noooo. It was because romantic hero was paying attention to another girl and she was jealous. And I could go on and on (and do, of course). But, just . . . just . . . whyyyyyyy?

    Okay, I’m done. I feel for you. At least I haven’t heard anyone around my workplace reading the books yet. Ugh.

    • There is a fan site called “Laters, Baby”??????? You’re right, I did throw up a little! Yuck!!! Yes, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????? I read 170 pages and I saw zero LOVE and ALL ABUSE! UGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

      My wife thinks it’s all women in unhappy marriages who love these books. I have to agree. I can understand a woman loving a hero in a book who is all manly and strong, but to love a hero who is abusive, manipulative and controlling is just wrong on so many levels.

  4. There is only one other woman in my office and she was utterly delighted when I shared this with her. Her friends were all talking about the books and she had absolutely no desire to read them. That blog let her know the ‘plot’ while saving her from the hideousness* that is reading the damn things.

    *Or so I’m told. I haven’t read any of them to bother finding out for myself.But if I ever do (like, say, when hell freezes over) I’ll let you know what I think.

    • I wonder if the haters of these books would outnumber the lovers of them if we took a true poll. I love the blog you linked to ๐Ÿ™‚ And good for you for not falling in with the hype and actually reading them!!!

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