Triple Threat Monday (or Days 11, 12 and 13)

Day 11 – In what ways does being a lesbian/2-mom family impact your experience of parenting?

It impacts my parenting tremendously. As I stated before, I didn’t learn all that much from my own upbringing, and being with D and watching her parent has been my biggest life lesson to date. I think that if I had been with a man, the whole atmosphere would be way different. I’m not saying this is true for all people growing up with straight parents, I can only speak of my own experience. There was a lot of shouting and arguing between the parents themselves and between the kids and parents. Our household now – completely the opposite. There is no arguing in front of Big D, and, just as importantly, there is no arguing with Big D. We have always talked to him civilly, and he respects us as the authority without having to raise our voices at him. Now, we are not perfect. I have let my own parenting come through on a very rare occasion, but I still think that if I was with a man, my parenting style would be way more hostile. We also split up responsibilities 50/50 and are totally equal in the way we parent and run the household. We always make sure that the both of us attend all of Big D’s events together, whereas we see a lot of moms at these things, and not a whole heck of a lot of dads.

Day 12 – Tell us about the first time you got drunk (as far as you can remember…)

I was probably the oldest person who got drunk for the first time. It was on my 23rd birthday. I had been buzzed before that, but that was the day I got trashed. I was “dating” this girl named Jen. I put that in quotes because really she said she was bisexual, but she was just using me to make the boys hot, which you will see in a moment. She came by and we went out to the bar first. I didn’t drink much there and was completely sober when we left. We ended up going to some random guy’s house at like 2:00 in the morning. (She had a habit of this) She knocked on the door and they were sleeping. They finally came down and we went in. When the guys (who I didn’t know) heard it was my birthday, they gave me a cup of Blackhaus (I think that’s how you spell it) and dared me to drink it. This stuff is like 110 proof. I thought, what the heck? and I downed it. That was a mistake, and all it took to completely knock me off my ass! I was stumbling around the apartment, and it must have been hysterical to watch. I realized Jen was suddenly no longer downstairs with me. In my drunken haze, I wanted to make sure she was okay and not being raped or anything. I went up to the bedroom and she was there with one of the guys (not doing anything). She grabbed me and threw me on the bed and started kissing me. I was so drunk I could barely kiss her back. Then she started slapping me across the face and yelling that she wanted me to f*** her. Mind you, there were 2 guys in the room with us, and I had never fully been with a woman at that point. I was like a rag doll, completely helpless. She was saying things like, “look at her, she’s useless!” and kept slapping me. I suddenly felt ill and stumbled down to the bathroom. I didn’t throw up, but felt like I had to. One of the guys came down, and I remember lying on their kitchen floor, crying. I was saying things like, “I do want to f*** her, just not in front of you.” He was really sweet and was rubbing my head and saying it was okay. At some point, someone put me on the couch, and Jen came down and started kissing me again. When I didn’t respond, she gave up. I started to fall asleep, and she was on the floor with the other guy as I was going in and out of consciousness. I heard what sounded suspiciously like sex noises. It was dark in the room, but I know she was doing stuff with him. I got up, put my shoes on, and said something like, “I can’t deal with this shit.” And I left and drove myself home (about 2 blocks away). Reading this back, there were a lot of things I probably shouldn’t have done. Boy, I put myself in a very dangerous position that night! Not only could I have been raped, but also, driving any length in that condition could have ended up very badly! I have never been as drunk as I was that night again, and, needless to say, stopped “dating” Jen right away!

Day 13 – Tell us about the best job you ever had, and the worst

The best job I have ever had is the one I have now! I have been here 10 years and I love it! I have great benefits, work with awesome people, and don’t have to work weekends or holidays. I love what I do and I get to help people everyday.

The worst is a tie between working at the greasepit in town as a teenager and working a a convenience store part time about 8 years ago to make extra cash. The greasepit was gross, I had to shower as soon as I got home, and my boss was a pervy little bastard who, when I think back on it, totally sexually harassed me. The convenience store wasn’t that bad, it was right next door to my apartment, so the commute was easy, and I mostly worked by myself. The sucky part was the hours, I worked my whole weekends away. I would work until 10 or 11 at night, and after standing on the cement floor all night, my feet ached! Sometimes I would work the morning shift and have to be there at 5:30! Another thing that made it pretty bad was the fact that I was working 7 days a week. I will never do that again!


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on June 13, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. That is a pretty horrifying drunk story. What a disgusting bitch that girl was/is.

    I found it interesting that you said “but I still think that if I was with a man, my parenting style would be way more hostile” You are definitely entitled to your opinion, but I know so many more mothers whose parenting style is more hostile than the fathers’ (including my own parents). I mean, I definitely have seen examples of poor parenting by fathers, too, but I don’t know that being a man, or with a man, makes that more likely… Maybe I’m being too gracious.

  2. I should have expressed myself better. I believe my parenting style would have been more hostile if I were with a man because, as in most cases I have read, the mother is the one to set the tone. Since my own upbringing was hostile, I think that if I were with a man and was supposed to be the one setting the tone, I would probably be a little hostile. Because of me, not because of him. I equally believe I would be a different kind of mother if I was with a different kind of woman. D is amazing and has taught me so much about the way a parenting relationship should be.

    So, it’s not about being with a man necessarily, it’s about who I was before, how I handled situations. Or rather how I was taught to handle them.

  3. Aaahh…gotcha 🙂 Misunderstood.

  4. Wow. That drunk story makes me sad. I was 22 the first time i got drunk, butmy grandma had just died and i was safe with the girl who became my first girlfriend and is stil one of my best friends and who is half of the ex-gfs couple eho will be bunny’s godmothers. The girl in your story sounds sick in the head.

    • Yeah, she was/is! The funny thing is that years later, my wife worked with her in a hair salon. She never knew it, and my wife and I laughed about it a lot. That’s awesome that you are such good friends with your ex. I haven’t had the best of luck in that department!

      Congrats again on the birth of your Bunny!

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