Sad….

First of all, I want to thank everyone that read and commented on my last post! I will be writing a post about my ex friend or my ex girlfriend next.

But this morning I am sad. I wrote a while back about my friend V, who was the person that helped me realize my sexuality back when I was 17. She was such a huge part of my life. Since she lives in France, so I haven’t seen her in years, and in fact, have not talked to her in a loooooonnnngggg time. I lost touch with her for a few years, and then, when D and I decided to do a big wedding, I tried to contact her in every way possible. I called her, sent her an invitation, called again, and again, sent a letter, called again, sent another invitation to a different address I found, and then called several more times. Over the course of the year before our wedding I called her so many times that I lost count. I got her voicemail sometimes and left her messages with my phone number in case she lost it. That was also the year that the Air*France plane went down. She was a flight attendant the last time I knew. Anyway, she never called me back, and we had our wedding without her. That was almost 9 months ago. I tried again to call her in December, but nothing. I talked to the people who were her host parents here, and they haven’t spoken to her in years either.

We have a mutual friend who went to France as an exchange student and they spent a lot of time together while she was there. Over the years between high school and 2004, V came back and stayed with R (the mutual friend), and made a point to come see me as well. In 2005, after D and I had our Civil Union ceremony, I talked to V for the last time. She seemed a little upset she wasn’t invited (for the record, no one was), but by the end of the conversation she told me she loved me and we hung up.

I finally wrote R a message on Face*book this week about her possibly trying to contact V and giving her my phone number. I came in this morning to a message from R. She talked to V last weekend. She is fine and even has an almost 3 year old daughter. She said she didn’t call her this weekend, but she will call her and pass along my messages.

I am glad R will let her know my number. I am glad she is safe and okay. But I am sad. Sad that she is okay and hasn’t returned my calls or letters. Sad that she didn’t pick up the phone when I called. Sad that she will talk to R, but not me. Sad that I have missed out on so much of her life. And yes, part of me is sad that she has a daughter and I have no children of my own.

I just don’t understand it. I hope that once R tells her what I’ve asked her to and gives her my phone number (again), that she will reach out to me. I guess only time will tell.

But this morning I am very sad…….

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About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 40 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 22 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on February 7, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. I think there’s always a part of us that loves our first love and wants them to see how far we’ve come. And it’s hard not to be able to do that in your case.

  2. Oh the French, how they torment.

  3. Sorry about the late response. Work filters, dammit. Anyhow, I’m sorry about the sadness. I hope things have resolved for you since then.

    • Thanks Pom! While I haven’t heard from her still, I am okay now. I was only really sad that day. Then I looked at all I have in my life, and how I am very grateful for everything and it made me feel better!:)

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