I’m still alive

Boy, it’s been a while since my last post! I was on a good streak there, and then I’m not sure what happened…Life I guess! I’ve been reading along on others’ blogs, but my motivation to blog for myself has been lacking.

We found out last week that The Ex is in jail again. Not for child support unfortunately, but for domestic assault on his girlfriend….boy, the more I write about him, the more I realize what a jackass he is! He wrote Little D a letter that we received yesterday, but Little D does not want to read it. He knew it was coming and told us we could read it, but he doesn’t even want to see it. We told him his father is in jail again, and he got very angry and moody for a few days. When we finally got him to talk about it, he said that he is just so mad at him, and can’t believe all of the horrible choices he has made in his life. He is very embarrassed and ashamed of him (as he should be). Enough about that though.

On another note, Little D has his first date this Saturday! I can’t believe it really, but he has been texting with a girl from school for a while now. (We have checked them discreetly, and they are all PG). He was supposed to be at his guy friends house one night last week, and ended up over at the girl’s house. Not to worry, the parents were there, and they are not officially “dating” yet – and he told us all about it. He was at his friend’s for a bit, but then they had to leave, so he took the initiative to see if she was home. He can’t lie to us, we always know, even over the phone. When he came home, he was all giddy and can’t stop talking about her. His face lights up when he sees her, and I can’t help but be so happy for him. I remember the stirrings of first crushes and first loves, and this is an exciting time for him. The wife doesn’t want him to get his heart broken, she thinks he’s been through enough with his dad. I remind her that everyone has a first crush and sometimes heartbreak happens, but we can’t project when or if it will…we just need to let him enjoy it while it lasts. He’s almost 16 for chrissakes! We are lucky it took this long!

There is something else on my mind lately. My desire to TTC is completely gone. *POOF!* It has disappeared completely. My wife, of course, is ecstatic about it! I’m not sure why the change happened. I may never know the reason for it. Usually, I would see pregnant people, like my doctor who is due next week, and totally lose my shit. I mean I used to be so depressed when others were getting what I so desperately wanted. But now? I saw her yesterday for my physical, and I asked her what she’s having (a girl) and when she’s due, and I had no twinges of jealousy, no feelings of depression about it whatsoever. I mean, it’s great, but it shocked the hell out of me! I know I mentioned it a bit in the last post, but the feeling of NOT wanting to TTC has only grown. It’s sad in a way, but I think it means I am content with life the way it is right now. Only time will tell if I end up regretting this decision, but for now I don’t. Like I said, it’s so weird…..

Has anyone else experienced this? Did the desire come back?


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on October 14, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. It’s sounds like you crossed some kind of marker on the path. I’m happy for you that you’re at peace. Nothing beats being happy with your life the way it is.

    As for Little D, what I think of when I read your post is the idea of family and the fact that he’s lucky to have 2 parents who care for him, even if neither one of them is a father. His attitude towards his bio-dad seems reasonable and healthy. How could he not be angry?

  2. Thanks for stopping by Pom! I agree, he is happy and healthy, even without his bio-dad around! It’s almost like we used donor sperm:)

    Oh, and congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

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