Feeling “Fluffy” *UPDATED*

*Update* As soon as I got done typing this post, and a response to Nutella’s comment, what does my boss bring me? The one and only thing I cannot say no to, no matter how hard I try (and it’s been a long time since I’ve had it): Chocolate Cake with white frosting!! I did cut the piece in half though, so that was good of me!

I had my wife hide the scale yesterday. I don’t want to be tempted to step on it everyday, and it was getting to that point. As I stated before, I think women should be whatever size they feel comfortable in. I am not heavy, but I am up 6 pounds since vacation. And I don’t like it! I don’t feel comfortable in my skin.

I want to lose, ideally, 15 lbs. I have wanted that for a while. I have been eating healthy and working out everyday. I work out at lunch, and we walk most days after work. I have changed my life a lot in the past few years, and I feel much healthier, but I have not been able to shed the last 10-15 lbs. I have days where I say screw it! And I love the way I look. Then there are other days when I feel….”fluffy”:) I don’t know what to do to lose the weight. I have tried everything short of becoming vegetarian to do it, yet I still can’t get below 140! At my lightest, 10 years ago, I was 104. But being with my ex for 4 years packed on 50-60 lbs – lots of fast food. I know 104 is not a healthy weight for me btw, I know it is too skinny. About 5 years ago, I was at my highest weight of 163. I cut out soda, most sugar, and exercised, and I lost 23lbs. Over the years I have fluctuated in the 140’s, which is healthy, but a part of me obsesses about being 136 again (that’s the number on my driver’s license:)) Especially if we ever get on the TTC train again, I want to be lighter than I am now. My parents are both overweight, and my mom is getting a lap*band soon…I think the fact that they are both heavy scares me into thinking I will be too!

I’ve been driving myself a little crazy about it lately, so I decided to measure myself, write it down, and have my wife hide the damn scale! (She says she hid it so well, I will never find it , and she may even forget where it is!) Maybe that will help, and I can focus more on how I feel, rather than how much I weigh.

I am also incorporating strength training in my workout routine (which I have done before, but I am stepping it up a bit). I am hoping to build muscle, get leaner, and then not worry about the darn number on the scale. I know that every woman has something she doesn’t like about her body, no matter what she looks like, but I want to like what I see. I am getting better at liking what I see, but I am not 100% yet.

And now a poll of sorts…I’m really interested in what your answers will be:

Do/did you struggle with your weight?

What did you do about it?

How did you lose the post-baby weight? (if you have)

How do you feel about female body image?

Do you think we should want to be the “ideal” weight, or do you think we should just be where we are?

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About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 40 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 22 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on September 2, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Do/did you struggle with your weight? I don’t think “struggle” is the right word for it. There have been times in my life where it’s gotten a littler higher than I was happy with so I’ve dieted to get it down again.

    What did you do about it? The first time (pre-wedding) I did the South Beach diet. There were things I didn’t like about it and I felt hungry most of the time, but I was very determined and I lost the 15 lbs I wanted to shed and fit into my recycled bridesmaids skirt/ wedding skirt. The 2nd time (post baby) I did Weight Watchers. I did not like point counting, though I did lose weight that way. After about 4 weeks I switched to their “simply filling” plan and felt happier. I lost the last 10 lbs of pregnancy weight and then an additional 6 lbs.

    How did you lose the post-baby weight? (if you have)see above.

    How do you feel about female body image? I’m generally very happy with my body and I appreciate women of all sizes. However, neither the waify thin look and the round look are appealing to me. I’m curvy and petite and I’m often annoyed that clothes don’t fit the way I want them to or that good fitting clothes are expensive and hard to find.

    Do you think we should want to be the “ideal” weight, or do you think we should just be where we are? I think we should all strive to be healthy, which should have very little bearing on the number on a scale. I know many people that eat a terrible diet and yet based on the scale, they are “healthy”. That being said, I think it can be a useful tool. I know that when I set a goal and reach it, I’m proud of myself and I feel better and look better.

  2. Thank you Nutella! I especially like the way you answered the last question. That is what I am striving toward – being able to be healthy, no matter what the scale says…so I’m glad I asked my wife to hide it – maybe now I can try not to focus on it so much. I hope I start to reach my goals soon!

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