She’s Smiling!!

I can’t believe this. My wife and I have been talking about this baby subject for the last few days. We haven’t talked about it much over the last few years, mostly because it would lead to fights. But not the last few days. We usually take a long walk after supper, and the last few days, this has been the subject. And we didn’t argue!!! There has been no yelling, no strongly-disagreeing! She has been very receptive to my wants and needs, and I have been to hers as well. We are really HEARING each other, and it’s been so great!

She said something that SHOCKED me last night on our walk. She said she had been thinking about it a lot and that she thought one month I should try and then the next month she should. I almost fell over!! Not once did she ever even want to be pregnant again – but we know she is VERY fertile, so she said she knows the journey would get started quicker if she did it. She quickly recanted her statement, but OMG, at least she is thinking about things seriously now.

She has asked me how many times I would want to try and I have been thinking about it a lot. I know I only have a small window of opportunity here. So last night on our walk she asked me again. I told her 6. The last time we only tried twice at home, and it was so heartbreaking when nothing happened and then we ran out of money. I wanted to lock her in to 6 tries, so that I would feel like we really tried this time. So that if it didn’t work, I would know I had given it my all. She thought that number was high, but didn’t get angry or anything. Later last night she said she was nervous about us trying and what it will mean. I told her to relax, and that nothing has happened yet.

So this morning, right before I am about to leave for work, we kissed good-bye, and she went upstairs. Just as I was about to leave, she came down and said, “You know, when you told me you wanted to try 6 times, it freaked me out a little.” I reiterated that we are still negotiating, and that it may not take the first few times we try, so I wanted a little wiggle room. She told me she is glad that we have been talking about it, and that she is trying to keep this line of communication open. She loves me, and doesn’t know if she can handle seeing me so rejected if it doesn’t work. (I was a mess last time!) I reassured her that while it may be hard at the time if it doesn’t work, it will get better.

So at least she is being more open to the idea, and actually smiling when we talk about it…..I think she is coming around. Fingers crossed!!


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on August 20, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Huge progress. Huge.

    I’m glad you guys are talking AND listening to each other. I remember the negotiation phase well, and you’re being very smart to lay things out now (rather than having a big fight while an HPT sits in your bathroom like a timebomb).

    Good luck and good WORK!

  2. Thanks Bree! All of your support and help have meant a lot!

  3. Glad to hear about this conversation. Definite progress being made, and I think I can see where this is heading.. 🙂

  4. Awesome news! It sounds like you’re getting closer, i was surprised to read that she suggested she might want to try to. I hope she continues her evolution on this but hope that you’re the one that winds up carrying if possible. I sensed from reading that you’ve dreamed about being pregnant, not just parenting and I fear that her carrying might lead to resentment for you later. I hope I’m not being presumptuous here…

  5. Yes, you are right Raz:) I have always wanted to experience the whole thing. Right after she said it, she basically took it back, but it was so cute to hear she was even thinking about it!

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