I am really confused

I am really mixed up when it comes to this whole baby thing. Do I want to try again? Don’t I? What if I can’t get pregnant? What if I can? I don’t know which is scarier!

The other day my wife came to me and said we can try again. She wants some ground rules, like how many times, etc. And I am a little freaked out! I don’t know what to think of the whole thing. She has said we can try again before, but this time I think she means it. We had a long conversation about it all, and I am more confused than ever! I know she is not 100% sure about all this, and that scares me. I should probably do a pros and cons list to try and figure it all out. If you knew me in real life, you wouldn’t think I was this scatterbrained!

My mom summed it all up nicely a few weeks ago, she said that it won’t just happen for us accidentally, so we over think it all. I’m not sure who over thinks it more, me or my wife…

What was the deciding factor for all of you? Did you both just want the same thing? I know Strawberry and Nutella had the same sort of situation. Has anyone else gone through this? How long did it take to figure it all out?


About thelesbiannextdoor

I am a 41 year old lesbian, living with her wife in a small town. I have a 23 year old step-son. Who knows, I could be your neighbor ;) (Unless you know for sure your neighbor is not a lesbian - then I'm probably not!)

Posted on August 16, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Big stuff to work through. My partner and I weren’t on the same page about having a second child. I was determined to have another, and eventually did, but it was a struggle, to put it mildly.

    I agree that a pros and cons list is a good idea. My assvice is that you work through that whole list without your partner first. Figure out how much it matters to you, whether you’ll blame her if you never have the experience of pregnancy or raising an infant, how far you’re willing to go, etc. Once you know how you feel and what you want, it might be easier to negotiate with her.

    I wish you the best, whatever you decide. I agree with your mom that it’s easy to overthink, but can you imagine the consequences of UNDERthinking such a major life decision?

    [I started to write a novel in your comments section, then realized I needed to write a post on my own blog. You can find it here: http://projectkjetil.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/we-werent-on-the-same-page/.%5D

  2. Thanks so much Bree! As I stated on your blog, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t all alone in this. I’m so glad there is this beautiful community of lesbians out there!

  3. I just found your blog from Bree’s so wanted to say hi.

    My wife and I both wanted at least one and she was ready to start for #2 sooner than I was even sure that I wanted a 2nd. I went with it because I carried the 1st and she was going to carry our 2nd so it felt selfish not being ready. I adore both of my kids and wouldn’t trade having both for anything but it definitely changed everything for us!

    It was scary and we second guessed everything at every turn but that’s the way it goes. I agree with your mom about over analyzing everything, which is both a good thing and bad. I too always wanted children and now my family is complete. Good luck with whatever you guys decide!


  4. Thank you for the insights Amy, and welcome!

    The whole thing is just so scary to think about – and I wonder if it ever won’t be. I keep going back and forth as to whether it is worth the risk to our relationship. She says she won’t leave, but I just feel so guilty for wanting something so bad that she knows for sure she doesn’t want. I would hope that would change if I did get pregnant, but who knows?

  5. Thanks Raz! I’ve actually been following you for a while. I had another blog on blogspot that you commented on once: http://www.hometownlesbian.blogspot.com. Your girls are beautiful! I was wondering if that was you when I read your comment.

    • Too funny, even the blog is a small world! I’m glad to have found you again and you’re now saved in my blog folder on my phone so I will keep on reading! I do less commenting these days since I’m mostly reading from my phone and catch way too many type-o’s typically “after” I hit publish which is totally embarrassing!

  1. Pingback: We Weren’t On The Same Page « Project Kjetil

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