I have always wanted my own child. Ever since I was 12 years old, I knew I wanted to be a mom. Now, all these years later, I am a step-mom (which is wonderful, BTW), but I don’t feel like a “mom”. Not 100% anyway.
Like I’ve said before, my wife does not want any more children. She knows of my strong desire, and allowed us to try 2 times 3 years ago. Obviously it didn’t work (although I got a faint positive the first time). We decided to stop trying for a while at that point because we were a wreck. She wasn’t 100% into it, and I could tell. Over the last few years, we have talked about it briefly, and it hasn’t changed much. Once in a while she’d say, okay, let’s do it! And then I’d chicken out. I don’t want to lose her!
My feelings on the subject have been waxing and waning. One day I wake up, and I’m perfectly happy the way things are. And then other days, like today for example, I yearn for it again. It may be due to the fact that 2 of my Face*book friends just announced they are pregnant…..who knows? I wish I could just make up my mind one way or the other!
Then there are other factors to consider. 2 of my 7 nephews are on the Aut*ism spectrum. The oldest, J, is 17 and has As*bergers Syndrome, lives with my parents, and is a complete handful, to put it mildly. (I have another post in the works about J). The other one, N, is 6, and more severely Autistic. He doesn’t speak much, gets obsessed with doing things repetitively (like flushing the toilet) and has tantrums that leave all other people involved bloody and bruised. I love them both dearly, but don’t want that curse.
So here are the questions plaguing me:
1) If I do get pregnant, how likely is it that my wife will come 100% on board?
2) After the baby is born, will our relationship change drastically? Especially since we already know how we operate as parents together?
3) Since my 2 blood siblings each have a child with some form of Aut*ism, what are the chances I will have one too?? (My sister has 3 other boys, all without health problems, and my brother also has another boy without problems)
4) If we did have a child with Aut*ism, could we handle it?
5) What if we went through with it, and then I regretted it?
6) Would my wife resent me?
So as you can see, I am very torn on the subject, and would appreciate any input you have:)