Lesbian Bed Death (and Penguins!)

First of all, you guys and gals ROCK! I got a load of comments on my last post about what to write about, and you all had some really good ideas.

El Guapo wants me to blog about penguins, and  Chronically undiagnosed wants to hear about Lesbian Bed Death (LBD). She said: “I still vote for LBD. What is it? Why does it happen? Why do people want to deny that it happens? Why are people always so quick to report that it “doesn’t happen in my relationship?” Why do I care? I guess because I need to get laid.” So I thought, why not combine the two? First, the penguins:


These two have a problem with LBD - Ah, who am I kidding? Look at the sexual chemistry between the two of them! Wowza!

These two have a problem with LBD – Ah, who am I kidding? Look at the sexual chemistry between the two of them! Wowza!


Now onto the real story here: Lesbian Bed Death. The dreaded three words no lesbian ever wants to hear or experience. I know Chronically Undiagnosed (CU for short) asked why people are so quick to deny it and report it doesn’t happen, but I have to tell you, I think it’s because LBD is mostly a myth. Before you start throwing rocks at the screen, let me explain:

For those of you unaware, LBD is when lesbians stop having sex. People will tell you it’s because of our overwhelming need to bond and build a life – and building a life together is not the most sexy thing. I disagree with this. You can build a life together and still have sex!

I think that LBD is a myth because people of all sexualities can lose their enthusiasm for sex, not just lesbians, and it has to do with one main thing: kids. Having kids is the number one killer of people’s sex lives. When they’re babies – you’re too tired. When they’re young kids – you are too distracted with their activities. When they are teenagers and young adults – they are always in the house and always awake, and you have to be really sneaky to do it.

Even with all of those factors, you can still have a fulfilling sex life with your partner. (Sorry CU, but it’s true!) Long-time readers know that D and I have been together for 10.5 years. We met when Big D was 9, so as a couple we have always had a kid around. He wasn’t into activities, and is a pretty big homebody (just like me!), but when he was a kid, at least he had a bed time – or was really engrossed in a video game for a bit. Now that he’s older, it’s a bit harder to find a time, and his work schedule is so wonky, but I am proud to say that we still have a very satisfying sex life. We have not once gone through a dry spell – in fact, the longest we went without in the last decade was for 3 weeks, and that was because we were so stressed out trying to get Big D through his senior year of high school.

Sex is important in a relationship, and particularly important to us, so we make sure we make the time each week – even if it means scheduling it, or dropping everything to do it because Big D finally left the house! It’s obviously not the only important thing, but it does rank up there.

I know what you’re thinking: “TLND, what about those couples that don’t have kids and still don’t have sex?” That’s a very good question, and the answer may not be one you want to hear. If you don’t have kids or big stresses in your life with work or finances, and you are still not having sex, then the answer is:  you are not meant for each other, OR someone is cheating. I say this from experience.

My ex gf and I were together for 4 years (just before D and I met), and the sex went from everyday to maybe, if I was lucky, once a month or two. This all happened within the first 6 months. I wanted sex, and she was just not interested anymore. I couldn’t figure out why. I beat myself up over it. She would say her drive wasn’t as big as mine, but I knew that wasn’t true. We would argue about it all the time, and so of course we ended up not having it because we were arguing about not having it. It was the most miserable thing I have ever gone through. When you feel un-sexy, you feel un-loved. It turned out she was cheating on me with her ex. I dumped her ass so fast. Then she came crawling back, and I would take her back (dummy!). Then I would find out she was still cheating – rinse and repeat for 4 fucking years! UGH! Why I stayed for so long, I am still not sure.

I want to say here that I am by no means an expert on the subject. Admittedly, I have only been in these two relationships in my adult life, so I only have them to draw on. BUT, having lasted this long with D, and still going strong, I think I know a thing or two about what makes a relationship work long-term. If you’re wondering, they are (in no particular order):

  • Making sure your partner knows you love him or her – even if you are having a little dry spell. A kiss, a hug, a little playful butt-slap can go a long way.
  • Say “I love you” OFTEN! You don’t know how much you really need to hear it until you’re not hearing it!
  • Keep your bank accounts SEPARATE! I cannot stress that enough! The other killer of relationships are finances. Split the bills as evenly as possible and be there for the other person if they need help, but make sure you have your own account.
  • Make the time to be intimate. Even if it’s only once a week or once every two weeks. Some months it will be more, some less, but once the kids are out of the house – watch out! If the house is a-rockin’, don’t come a-knockin’! ;)
  • As Ellen says, “Be kind to one another.” If you’re always looking for what the other person did wrong, you will never appreciate what they do right! Respect each other.
  • Remember: Love shouldn’t be hard, even though everyone says it should be. If you are feeling like it is always hard, it’s not the right relationship for you! Find the one who makes you feel good, more than they make you feel bad.

No relationship is 100% perfect, but I do feel like ours is very close to that. I am so blessed and happy to have D as my life partner and wife. She’s the best! Of course, I guess I could have just gotten VERY lucky, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think everyone can find it if they don’t settle for less.

Sorry, this is probably not the post you wanted from me, Chronically Undiagnosed, but I think it can give you hope that you can find the light at the end of the tunnel too. LBD doesn’t have to happen, if you both are committed to working on it. If one of you wants to work, and the other doesn’t – run for the hills! You deserve to be happy AND sexually fulfilled.



I Suck At Blogging

I’ve officially become one of those bloggers. You know the ones – they come to their blog once every 30-60 days to pop in to say hello, and have nothing of substance to report. Yup. That’s me!

I keep this blog open so I can go back and look at it from time to time as a sort of diary, and also so I have access to my Reader so I can keep up with all of you! (I guess I do stop by here more often than every 30-60 days – in fact, I check this place almost every day, but I haven’t felt like writing here.)

Who knows, maybe I will have a burst of inspiration some time soon!

To those of you still reading, if you have some inspiration of what to write about to share – I am all ears!



National Coming Out Day – I missed it!

I missed posting on National Coming Out Day this past weekend. So sorry! I’m a bad lesbian! :) So in honor of NCOD, I have added a new category to the right called “Coming out”, which will link you to three stories: My coming out to my parents, my coming out to my best friend, and another one about how we come out over and over again, even now. Check them out!

A lot has been going on in Casa de TLND, as you probably could have guessed by the fact I haven’t been blogging. Nothing too terrible, just dealing with Big D and the no good, rotten depression he still struggles with. We are all hanging in there, and D and I are stronger than ever. I’m not going to write about the details of what he’s been going through, mostly because he is an adult now, and it seems wrong in some way. We’ve been on a roller coaster ride with him for years now, and just when we think he’s out of the woods, he’s not. He’s making great progress right now, so I can only hope we can hold on to that. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about family and what it means. People always seem to have these really tight-knit families who spend lots of time together. I have really never had that (with my parents and siblings – I have it with D and Big D). To the outside world, my parents were amazing and so loving, but to the people inside the house, we knew it was all an act. They were never physically abusive, but I always sort of felt like a bother to them – which is probably why I am so independent now. I had to learn to care for myself early on.

Now that they’ve moved to North Carolina, I can see them for who they are clearer. All they care about is money and the church. They have gotten super-uber religious again, and it makes me not want to talk to them. My mother is attending revivals, and they are always at church or doing something with the church. Not believing in a god, it does not appeal to me to talk about the bible or church constantly. She keeps telling me how welcoming their church is, as if that will make me pack up, come there and attend their church! I could care less if they are accepting! They still believe homosexuality is a “choice” and a “lifestyle”, and they are only big fakes when they say they are okay with it, while they secretly judge you. I’ve never outright told my parents I don’t believe in god. I think the most I’ve said is that I was “questioning” faith. My mother doesn’t really want to hear that I don’t believe. She would probably cry, try to convince me, and then ultimately not talk to me anymore.

I sometimes see commercials or movies where the relationship between the kids and the parents is so wonderful. I know, it’s just TV. I don’t think that all parents are that close to their kids – but some have to be, right? I am still coming to terms with their leaving, and with the fact that I have never, and will never, have the close relationship most seem to have. I say “most”, but is that accurate? How many of you are really close with your parents and siblings? I’m really curious to know. D is very close with hers. I can’t even begin to know what that feels like.

No wonder I have anxiety! I was always feeling like they didn’t want me, and that they could leave at any second, and now they have! Yet they always badger me about it (anxiety) and how I have to go out and see the world. You know what? I don’t want to! That’s my choice and it’s okay.

This has turned into a big rambling post, so I’ll stop now. I do hope it inspires some of you to write about your family relationships though – I really want to hear what you all have to say!

It’s Inevitable

As most of you know, I work on a college campus. I am also the advisor to the Gay/Straight alliance on campus, so I usually send out emails about the groups’ activities and invite people to the meetings. Every couple of years there is one or two jackasses that would rather assault me with an anti-gay tirade than just delete the damn emails. I mean, I always add a subject line with it, so they don’t even need to open it! I started getting these back in 2006. Here are the actual emails I was sent after I sent one out about the first meeting of the year:

“I respect other people’s right to be gay. I have many gay friends and even a relative, but I am strait. I think that you guys take it too far with pushing homosexuality on the campus. It gets to the point where I am starting to be irritated by people because of it. Respect my right top be strait and I will respect yours to be gay. No more e-mails please. I think it’s great what you are trying to do, but it’s becoming too much for me. Thank you”

I wrote him back and told him to please just delete my emails, and that I couldn’t take him off the email listserv because it went to all students, and he needed to be able to receive important emails from other people that used it too. He responded with:


Well that escalated quickly! Simmer down! I promptly forwarded the emails to my bosses and my IT Department. Everyone supported my decision to not try and take him off the list, and that he probably was in most need of seeing those emails due to his ignorant responses. I mean c’mon! He couldn’t even spell straight correctly! I think I again reiterated that he should simply delete my emails. The last email I got from him was this:

“I am not taking this personally and I do not appreciate the way that I have been treated by those respoinsible for the e-mail process. I do not accept this homosexual solicitation through e-mail and will take further action.”

Oooooo I’m scared! Apparently “taking further action” meant that he would complain a little more, and then eventually leave the school (or graduate – I can’t remember). As I said, that was back in 2006 (and yes, I do have emails saved from almost a decade ago – and longer – don’t judge me! ;) ) I’m sure there were more like this over the years, but this was the most memorable one.  The one I got this year (just last week), was way toned down from those emails 8 years ago. It simply said:

“Please UNSUBSCRIBE me from your email list.”

Well alrighty then. Again, I can’t take you off the list, sorry! You should exercise your right to use your index finger to click the delete button with your mouse. You do not have to read it, but you have to understand that there are people out there – the shy kid who doesn’t know anyone else gay, the activist who wants to create a change, the girl who’s still in the closet due to her parent’s religion – those people, they need to hear that we are here for them. I refuse to be silent because you are not comfortable enough with your own sexuality to ignore an email that clearly doesn’t pertain to you.

Both of these students (and all others I have heard from) are males. I have not once gotten an adverse response from one single female. Not in the entire 13 years I have worked here. Huh. What does that say to you? To me it says these men felt threatened that gay people even exist because in some way it threatened their own sexuality. I’m not a guy, so I don’t know for sure. If there are any males out there reading – what do you think of it?


Why I Don’t Want Any More Kids (and why that’s okay)

As a woman, you are almost EXPECTED to have children. If you choose not to, people think there is something wrong with you, or that you are selfish.

There was a time in my life, not too long ago, when I was having baby fever. I wanted a baby and I wanted one NOW! My biological clock was gonging like a bass drum, and all I could think about was reproducing. It seriously was on my mind 24/7.

Those of you who have been reading me for a while may remember this time period. You may also remember what a struggle it was in my marriage because D did not want any more children. I obsessed about it all of the time. Why wouldn’t she want a baby with me? Was I not a good enough step mom to her son? Did she think my baby would be a freak or something? The answer to all these questions turns out to be no. She didn’t think any of those things about me. The whole issue was inside of her. She seriously just did not want any more. She would explain this over and over, but I just didn’t understand because I wanted a baby.

After long hours of arguing, crying, and trying to persuade each other in our direction, we ended up with a compromise: we would try to conceive three times with donor sperm from a sperm bank. If that didn’t work, that was it. I got a very faint positive two weeks in on the first try. When I saw it, and told her about it, I thought she would be ecstatic, but she wasn’t. Why I thought she would be happy about it is beyond me. She had only told me nine-million times that it wasn’t what she wanted, but I thought she would change her mind when it happened. (In her defense, she probably would have learned to be happy about it had it stuck, but it didn’t.) That was the only time I saw a positive, and the next day it was gone – which makes me think it may not have been positive after all. I didn’t get pregnant the second try either, and it was not only taking a toll on her, it was taking a HUGE toll on me and my mental health. I have no idea how people try for a long time to conceive! I commend you for being able to do it! We did not try a third time because of this.

Time went by, and I talked about it less and less. Then I would have a major surge of emotion and beg to try again. One day she said we could! She even said we could try her body, since we know she is super-fertile! I couldn’t believe my ears! I thought it was what I wanted to hear, but the truth is, it scared the crap out of me. I knew she didn’t really want it and was only trying to make me happy. I wanted a baby, but I didn’t want to lose her. After a lot of soul searching, I made the decision that I wanted her more than I wanted another child.

Over the years, and as Big D has transitioned into a teenager, and now a young adult, my desire to have another one has dropped off into oblivion. I now strongly DON’T want a baby. I’ve often thanked my lucky stars that I didn’t get pregnant! I know, it sounds nuts! I sometimes can’t believe I don’t want it anymore, but it’s true, I don’t.

I could list a million reasons why I now feel this way, but I don’t think I have to. No one asks a pregnant lady why they want to have a child – it’s a given. But if you don’t want a child – WHY? and also SHAME ON YOU!

Don’t get me wrong, I love kids. I think they are cute and funny and special. I am so happy for my friends and my bloggy friends when they finally get their positive. But for me and my family, this is the right thing. Besides, if I had a little one right now,  it would take away all my free time for this ;) :


Yes, I am still OBSESSED with Orphan Black! :)

Yes, I am still OBSESSED with Orphan Black! :)


Liebster Award


Hello everyone! I was nominated for the Liebster Award by Nonsense and Shenanigans. Thank you Nonsense! :) I may or may not have gotten this award before a long time ago. I can’t remember, so I’m just going to accept wholeheartedly :)

The “rules”:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to them.
2. Display the award logo on your page (in a post or a widget) and write your own acceptance post, like this one, including the “rules” (these or your own).
3. Answer 10 questions provided to you by the person who nominated you.
4. Add your own 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. Nominate 7 more bloggers (I only did 6) for the award, link to them, and notify them.

So now, on to the 10 questions she asked:

1. If you could change one thing about your country, what would it be?

Okay, I’m going to cheat a little here and write about the two things I would change. First, the obvious: I would make everyone equal in every sense of the word. Equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunity, etc. If you are a human, you qualify! It doesn’t matter your sexual orientation, your gender, your socio-economic status, your religion, etc. Everyone is EQUAL. Plain and simple.

The one thing I would change about my country is how violent it can be. From a few of my posts, you can tell I am anti-gun and anti violence. Why can’t we all just get along? All I am saying, is give peace a chance :) I wish we could be out of all wars, here and abroad.

2. What is one thing about your country that makes you unbelievably proud?

I am very proud to be an American. I think our country is one of the greatest countries in the world. I’m proud that we are making big strides towards equal rights, but we have a long way to go to measure up to some other countries. We are trying though, and I do believe we will get there!

3. Do you remember your dreams? If so, what is the last dream you had that affected you?

Most of the time, yes.The last dream that affected me I had a few nights ago. I dreamed that I lost a tooth in my sleep and swallowed it. Then, when I went to tell my mother and ask if I should be freaked out that my teeth were falling out, she didn’t care, nor answer me. I take this to mean that my subconscious thinks my mother doesn’t care about me…I have to mostly agree with that subconscious. That’s a story for another time, though :) (BTW, I have excellent teeth, in case you were wondering. The dentist is always impressed when I go for my cleaning ;) )

4. If a blogging genie came to you and offered you three blogging-related wishes, what would you wish?

Hmmm…this is a hard one. I’ve sort of fallen off of the blogging wagon lately. I guess it would be (in no particular order):

1) To be Freshly Pressed (who wouldn’t want this)

2) To be discovered and offered a book deal for my writing ;)

3) To somehow make my entire income from blogging alone

5. If you had the opportunity to explore undiscovered areas of the earth, OR to explore undiscovered areas of outer-space, which would you choose?

Neither. I am a scardy cat! But if there were no fear, I think I would say Earth.

6. Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging out of boredom. The summers where I work can be VERY quiet and slow. This one hasn’t been as much, but it’s had it’s slow moments. But also,  I LOVE to write, and have been writing short and long stories since I was 5. Blogging seemed like the coolest thing – you write, and people actually read it!Sometimes they even comment!

7. What is your one, ultimate, life-long dream?

To publish a best selling lesbian fiction novel.

I used to also want to be a famous actress. I love acting, but I couldn’t deal with the life in the public eye aspect. My theory is that fame seems great from far away. Up close it’s just a mess.

8. If you had to give up your other achievements to accomplish that dream, would you?

I guess that would depend on what you would consider and “achievement” :)

9. Do you believe in ghosts? Aliens?

Yes and yes! Ghosts or spirits are definitely real. I’ve felt their presence before. I also like to think there is more after this life, but don’t believe in heaven and hell.

Aliens have got to be real. The universe is so vast, there is no way we could be the only intelligent creatures in it.

10. What religion are you most intrigued by? (It doesn’t have to be your religion, you don’t have to be religious — just one that interests you, in good ways or bad.)

I’ve had bad experiences with organized religion, and therefore am not religious.

I’m always fascinated by fanatical  so-called Christians. One of my favorite movies is Jesus Camp. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. It will make you scream at the TV and shock you to your core. It amazes me how people like that think – how they can hate so vehemently and in the next breath try to disguise that hate as love. It’s like seeing a car crash. It’s gruesome, but you can’t peel your eyes away.

Questions for my nominees:

1) What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you become it?

2) If you could have lunch with any famous living person, who would it be and why?

3) What is your favorite current TV show?

4) Do you have a nickname? If so, do you like it?

5) Describe one moment in your life that encapsulates the word Bliss.

6) If you had only one wish, what would you wish for and why?

7) What are some qualities about yourself that you love?

8) Do you (or did you) want children? Why or why not?

9) What is one memory from childhood that makes you nostalgic for a simpler time?

10) If you had the power to switch places with someone, would you do it? Why or why not?

I nominate:

New Space, Fresh Start
Crazy Beautiful Chronicles
Religion: Optional
El Guapo
Solo Mama
and Little Monster(s) and Mommies


Worst. Vacation. Ever.

Well hello there everybody! I can’t believe it’s been over a month since my last post! Where and the heck have I been? Well, as the title suggests, part of the time I was away from here, I was having the worst vacation (or staycation) in vacation history. :(

Here’s how it all went down:

Thursday, July 3rd was a beautiful, sunny day. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and it was the first day of our 11 day staycation. We had a cook out and a lovely, quiet day. There was talk of a thunderstorm that may hit the area, but as I said, the sky was clear. Around 5:30, the clouds slowly rolled in, and there were distant rumbles of thunder, so we went inside. My brother called and wanted me to drive him to a store 25 minutes away, and I (thankfully) told him no. (He lost his license to a DUI 2 years ago).  It makes me feel bad sometimes to say no to him, but I am not his chauffeur. By 6:30 it started to rain, and by 6:35, it was a complete and total nightmare. Buckets of rain were coming down, hail the size of quarters, and wind so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think. It all happened so fast, and I ran to close the windows downstairs, while D did the upstairs. There was hail and rain coming in under the living room air conditioner, and the wind was pushing it in, so I was bracing myself against it and trying to keep the cat calm – and I didn’t hear D screaming for me. When it slowed down, I went to find her, and our brand new bathroom had an inch of water on the floor. We quickly dried it all up, and thankfully had no damage, but it was scary.

When it all stopped, we went outside, and it was like the apocalypse hit. There were trees down everywhere, and everyone was outside roaming around like zombies. The tree next door pulled the wires and siding straight off the neighbor’s house. Over our back fence, they lost all of their trees, including one that landed almost on their pool and one that landed on our back fence, almost on our pool.

We had just painted the side of our house, and the paint was shredded right off. D’s car windshield got dinged up, and our spotlight out back lost a bulb to the hail. We were lucky compared to most people. We had taken down the last tree that was on our property last fall, and i am so glad we did! It was a very old pine tree that was leaning on our wires. It would have certainly been knocked over if it were still standing.

The pine tree next door fell across the road, blocking the drain and flooding the street. Idiotic people were driving right through it, even though we were out there waving like lunatics for them not to. We found out later that Main Street was closed, so that’s why people kept coming down our street. There was a wire in the water and we were freaked out for the cars going through, but it turned out to be a cable wire and not electricity.

We didn’t lose power during the storm, but the power company cut power to the whole town a little after because so many wires were down. We found out the only two routes into our town were closed due to trees across them, and Big D was at work in another town. Thankfully his boss is our neighbor, and he told him to stay put for a while. If  I had taken my brother to the store, I wouldn’t have been able to get home either!

Big D finally got home around 10:00 p.m., ate, and promptly left to go to a girl’s  house. Damn kid! When we told him it wasn’t a good idea, he said “don’t you remember when you were 19?” He had a point. He stayed at the girl’s house that night, and I don’t want to know what they did…although he was eager to tell me. I think I blocked it all out.

The power company worked tirelessly throughout the night, and we got power back at 1:30 a.m. Let me just stress this: I am NOT a camper. I do not do well without power! I am so thankful to all of those that worked so hard. Some people were not so lucky and didn’t get power back for 2 days :( I have never been so grateful to live right in the middle of town as I was that day.

Needless to say, our entire 4th of July was cancelled. Our little town has quite the event, and it is my favorite holiday. People come from all over to watch our parade, hang out at the elementary school, eat maple cotton candy,  and watch our fireworks. I wonder how many people were from out of town and stranded with no power here…I hope all of the Americans out there had a better 4th than we did!

We found out the next day that we were hit the hardest in the entire state. That has never happened before. In the almost 30 years I have lived in this town, there has never been a storm like this. People are saying it was a tornado, as some of the trees were twisted off half way up.

The rest of our vacation was spent cleaning out the pool of all the branches, sticks and leaves, helping the neighbors clean up their trees, dealing with the insurance company, re-painting part of the house, and listening to chainsaws for an entire week straight. Not to mention it was windy all week, which is not normal weather for us. It basically sucked all around, but it did bring the town together. In fact, we finally met the people that have been living behind us for years!

Luckily we will have another staycation the first week of August. Hopefully it will go smoother :)

So, there you have it. I’ll try not to go so long between posts next time, but I can’t make any promises :) See you around!

Edited to add some pictures:

The quarter-sized hail after it melted a bit

The quarter-sized hail after it melted a bit

Hail in flowerbed

Smaller, melted hail in our now shredded flower bed


Tree on the fence

Tree across the road and flood

Tree across the road and flood

Tree on the fence

Another angle of the tree on the fence




When did this happen?

When did we become a nation focused on gunning each other down for no reason? When did we decide it was okay for every Joe Schmoe to be able to walk around with a gun on a daily basis? What is the point of that? Why in the world would someone have to carry a gun with them at all times (outside of law enforcement)? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I like to think that the world has mostly peaceful, caring people in it. I wish we could see that side more.

I woke up this morning to the news about the shooting on the college campus in Seattle. Yet another college shooting. Yet another death. I work on a college campus. I cannot fathom what it would be like to have a shooter here – and I don’t want to -but it seems like I should imagine it. This gun-nut nonsense that’s being going on here in the US the past few years has risen to a fever pitch. How can we feel safe when it seems like we hear of another shooting every week?

To people who believe it is their right to carry a gun (semi-automatic or whatever they want) “for protection”, let me ask you this – just who are you “protecting” yourself from? Who were all the shooters in all of these cases protecting themselves from? All of the these men took their guns into SCHOOLS. Where no one else was armed. No one was trying to harm them!

The only people we all need protecting from is all the people who want to carry for protection. Look, if guns were not allowed in the public, then we wouldn’t have to worry about getting shot while doing something as normal as going to work. It’s as simple as that! Have your fucking hunting guns. I don’t care. Knock yourselves out! Just don’t use those guns to kill other humans. Keep them LOCKED in your home until you go out to hunt. Then spend all day in your tree stand, come home empty and LOCK it away again.

What have we come to? Why are we all of a sudden killing each other for sport? It makes absolutely no sense!

The argument is about the second amendment. Listen, the right to bear arms was written into the constitution at a time when we were fighting for our country’s freedom. It was to protect what would now be the equivalent of our National Guard’s rights. It was about protecting the country. Why are we now using that right to fight each other? Why do normal, everyday people need a oozie in their home?

I feel like we are at a point now where we’re on a locomotive barreling down the track toward a brick wall. There are states where you can walk into a restaurant, store, library, where ever, with a gun with you. I’m pretty sure restaurants get their food shipped to them – there are no animals to kill in there. Same with a store. Leave your gun at home. And a library? Well, last time I checked, a book can’t kill you (unless it’s 50 Shades of Grey…then you might die of shaking your head too hard at the lack of grammar, poor and boring plot choices, or just the overall ickiness of the story). So why bring guns there? Oh, because you CAN? Why that there’s a smart reason Billy Bob!

I am so sick of right-wing gun nuts (including my own uncle) screaming and crying when the government wants to put down stricter gun laws. IT DOESN’T MEAN THAT WE WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR GOD DAMNED GUNS!!!!!!!!!!! IT MEANS WE DON’T WANT YOU TO TAKE THOSE GUNS INTO PUBLIC PLACES AND KILL PEOPLE WITH THEM! WE ALSO DON’T WANT THE MENTALLY ILL TO HAVE EASY ACCESS TO THEM! DO YOU GET IT NOW, YOU IMBECILES???!!!

I wish guns never existed. How many deaths would have been prevented if that were the case? Okay, I’m not crazy. I don’t think that there will ever be a way to get rid of all guns, but I also think about how many people are now in jail for shooting someone in the heat of the moment. Yes, there are other things you can use as weapons to kill someone. How many of them are as capable of killing someone as easily as the quick squeeze of a trigger? Can you imagine how many people have killed someone they loved and now have to rot in jail, all because they made the split second decision to grab that ever present gun and shoot? What if those guns weren’t there? What if they were harder to come by? What if they were locked away and harder to get to quickly?

Why are we the only civilized country with this problem? When did we become a country of such hate toward each other? I don’t hate the conservative gun-nuts, I just think they are very misinformed. All they worry about is THEIR guns, not about all the damage the lackadaisical gun laws are causing by letting guns get into the hands of mentally unstable people. I know, I know, some will still get their hands on guns, even with better laws. But how many of them won’t? 25%? 50%?

I can’t help but think of Oscar Schindler, and the famous quote at the end of Schindler’s List: “whoever saves one life, saves the world entire”. Oscar stood up to people who felt like they had the power to determine who lived and who died. No one should have that power. Why can’t we come up with an organization that could be stronger than the NRA and become the Oscar Schindlers of our time?

Maybe stricter laws won’t prevent all shootings, but if we could prevent one. Just one. Now that would be a start.


* If you disagree with me, please let me know in the comments. I love a healthy debate!

So much!

So much has been going on! Nothing most people would call exciting, but I’ll tell you all about it anyway. Lucky you :)

About a month ago, we noticed that our living room ceiling was leaking a bit when Big D would take a shower (or after the three of us would shower consecutively). We thought it was a time issue. If you have any teenage kids, you will know what I am talking about! I don’t know what he’s doing in there for all that time, and I don’t want to know! I just want him to hurry the heck up!

Anyway, we had several people come by and look at it, and we were told it was definitely the tub leaking, although no one could say for sure where it was leaking from. It’s a really old house and our bathroom was outdated and sort of pieced together. We got some estimates to turn the tub/shower into just a shower and also to tear out the entire bathroom and start over. A family friend who has known me since I was born gave us the best price, and we accepted. I fact we had a very well-known company come by to estimate (it rhymes with Smash Bitters) and they quoted us a price for just the shower that was only a few hundred dollars less than our contractor quoted for the whole bathroom!

There was only one problem: we couldn’t get our contractor to call us back. We tried and tried to connect, but nothing. Then, this past Saturday, we were outside getting ready to stain our front porch, and he stopped by! He said he could start this week! We were shocked and not at all prepared! He stopped by Monday night with the contract and we signed for work to begin Wednesday. The next day I was like a chicken with it’s head cut off, running around trying to get all the materials he would need. (We are picking up materials separately because we get a better deal that way).

Another problem was that I could not find a shower at the store we were working with. They said they could piece together something, but I said no. I called a local place and they had the exact shower we wanted, and could deliver the next day! We put our order in for the rest of the materials to to be delivered from the original place, and stopped there after work on Tuesday to pick out some of the smaller things and paint.

Wednesday and Thursday I stayed home from work to kitty-sit. There is no way she could be in that house alone while they are there. She would be too “helpful”. Also, and I’m not judging people who do this, but I don’t have the heart to lock her in a room all day by herself. I think it would be too stressful for her and I really do believe it would damage her psyche. Call me crazy if you want, but animals have feelings, and I cannot stand to hurt hers. Today D is home with her. The last two days have shown me I would probably hate being a stay-at-home mom! Well, I closed us in a room most of the day with short breaks for her to get out and see if she needed to use the bathroom or eat. We played a bunch, and then she would nap. The workers are going in and out through our living room where our downstairs TV is, so all I had was my laptop and a plethora of DVD’s. I watched almost all of season one of Orphan Black, and I also watched Mean Girls in between receiving shipments and talking to the workers. I felt really good about my choice not to leave Maya alone, but yesterday I was SO BORED!

Maya looking oh so excited to be trapped in a room with me :)

Maya looking oh so excited to be trapped in a room with me :)


It also POURED yesterday, like really heavily. There was thunder and lightening and everything. It was crazy! It also meant I couldn’t go outside for a break, which sucked. We have a 3-day weekend, and next week D is off.  Big D is in charge of Maya when D is gone on Tuesday. Then the two of them (D and Big D) are going to away for the weekend to a wedding reception (I’m not going because of my travel anxiety issues), so I am hoping most of the bathroom is done by then.

They got the shower in yesterday, which was awesome because we only had one day where we had to take sponge baths and wash our hair in the sink. BUT, we noticed we were still LEAKING!! This time in a new spot. When they arrived this morning, I told them about it, and D said she thinks they figured it out. Here’s hoping!!! :)

Today they are working on the wiring and D said they are having a heck of a time. Oy! Hope they get it figured out! We haven’t had an upstairs toilet since Wednesday, so that has been interesting. We laid in bed awake this morning for a few hours because our bladders were full, and we didn’t dare go downstairs and disturb the cat! LOL!  We have her trained so well to stay down there at night, I think it will confuse her if we were going up and down all night. Oh well, hopefully it’s not for too many more days.

So that’s it! The house is in a shambles and we have to use the downstairs sink to brush our teeth. We’re managing – wish us luck! When it’s all said and done, maybe I’ll post some before and after photos. The new shower is AWESOME so far! :)


10-4 Good Buddy

Exactly 10 years ago today, the most wonderful woman walked into my life. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was so nervous because she had never even been with a woman before. Our first date started off very shy, and ended fairly close ;)

So many things could have gotten in the way of us getting together. She lived an hour and 40 minutes away. She was older than me by about 6 years. She had a kid, and she was in the closet. I was a recently single, sick of dating people in the closet, one-bedroom apartment living, out and proud lesbian.

She reeled me in with her beautiful smile, her quick wit, and incredible listening skills :) We have been together ever since, and it has been the happiest, most fulfilling 10 years of my life! I can’t believe it’s been this long. A whole decade!

D, you are the light of my world. Never stop being you. You have always made it so easy to love you. You’re the best wife a woman could ever ask for! I love you more than I could ever express in words. You and I are the perfect fit for one another and I know we will be two little old ladies together, sitting on our porch, people-watching 40 years from now :)

4 years ago today we said “I do” (for the second time, but with the word marriage attached to it). That day was so amazing! And so fun! We danced until my feet couldn’t move anymore and our whole families were there to celebrate with us. You make every day a joy. I love you!!

Happy 10th and 4th Anniversary baby girl! <3 <3 I love you to the moon and back! <3 <3



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