I Miss My Wife
Tonight my wife is at an overnight work function. She has these every few months or so. Last week we slept away from each other Thursday night when Big D had his eye surgery. This is the first time in our 9 years together that we have slept apart from each other two weeks in a row. Okay, so it hasn’t been two full weeks, just one night each week, but it feels like I haven’t seen her in forever. That’s the one shitty thing about loving someone as much as I love D – when they are away from you your heart feels lost 
On Saturday she’ll be going to a party, and this is so not like us to spend so much time apart. I’m hoping that after this weekend we will get back to our normal routine. D, if you are reading this, I miss you and can’t wait to have you back in my arms tomorrow night. I love you baby. I know this month is crazy for you, but I can’t wait to have you back! Sweet dreams my beautiful wife! See you soon 
An update (in bullets)
Hello everyone! I am not lost nor deceased – however the state of this blog would make it seem. I decided to pop over here an update all of you before I take a few days off from work.
- My parents are coming up from North Carolina tomorrow. They are staying for a week and a half (not with us). This will be the first time since January that they will be up and I only saw them for maybe 2.5 hours last time. So this will be the first time since last August that I will see them for a longer period of time. I really feel like I have worked through a lot of the anger about them moving. I made an appointment and went to talk to my former therapist about it, and I feel so much better now than I have in the last 10 months.
- Big D has decided to transfer to the college where I work for at least a year. He wants to figure out what he wants out of life. If he still wants to do Computer Software Engineering by the end of next spring, he will transfer back to the college he was attending. It’s really a smart move and we are happy that he will still be taking classes while he figures it out. No need to waste all that money if he is not sure he wants to do it. He’s a year ahead of where he should be, so he’s got tons of time. So much for an empty nest! (He was home almost every weekend anyway, so we didn’t get used to that precious time alone. It makes it easier to be okay with this plan
)
- Speaking of Big D, he also had Lasik eye surgery last Thursday. His vision was 20/400 when he went in. (You know the big “B” at the top of vision charts? That’s all he could read without his glasses!) The assistant who prepped him didn’t give him enough Valium and Big D popped the eye holder out while he was being prepped. He also didn’t give him enough numbing drops, so when they started to cut, he felt it! Then he couldn’t calm his mind down. The assistant came into the recovery room and started ranting about how Big D was the worst patient the Dr. had ever treated. He started to tell Big D about the drops he needed to put in, and then said “You know what? Forget it! Do not put the drops in! Do not open your eyes!! You are going to ruin the surgery! Just forget it! You will have to call the emergency number tonight anyway! You are going to tear your cornea!” He was saying all of this to Big D, who was laying on the table with his eyes closed, and D, who sat there in stunned silence. Then, D squeaked out, “was the surgery a success?” and he snapped, “Of course it was! He wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t going to be!” Needless to say that all of this scared the living crap out of Big D and D (it was in Massachusetts, so I didn’t go – but it scared the crap out of me too!). Big D had to be led out with his eyes closed, and he was scared to death to open them. D managed to get the medicated drops in every 2 hours, but Big D was terrified each time! When he woke up in the morning and could see (at 20/20 I might add) he was ecstatic! So ecstatic that he began texting me at 6:00 am since he could see I was online (candy crush saga is an addiction. take note. do not begin that game unless you want to be sucked in for forever ). I was so happy to hear it. The doctor was overjoyed when Big D walked into the room for his check-up and couldn’t believe it was such a success. He has another check-up this Friday. It is weird to see him without glasses, but I am so very happy for him and thrilled that he is not blind! I have talked to D about writing a strongly worded letter about that assistant. Big D can’t have been the first person who was scared about someone cutting their eye. And he is only just barely 18! He’s not some 40 year old adult! Okay, he may have been a little difficult, but you don’t say those things to a patient! There is something called bedside manner! Needless to say, he was not at that last follow-up appointment, and hopefully won’t be at the next ones either.
- Big D has not one, but 2 JOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the most exciting news of my lifetime! He has been working at an industrial cleaning business that our neighbor owns for the past month. D got him a second job at her work last week, and he LOVES it! He even has his own office (which is better than the one I have been working in for the past 12 years – the little shit! ) I am so impressed with his work ethic and dedication, and now we don’t have to worry about his car payment because he will have the money to pay for it! Hallelujah!
- Because I barely talked about D during this post, I wanted to add one last bullet. D, you still completely amaze me everyday. You are the best mother to our boy! You held your cool and did what needed to be done, and I am forever grateful to you for doing that. I still love you more and more each and everyday. You are truly my best friend. I know I always tell you, but you are the most special person in the world to me and I love you so much I could burst!
9-8-3
Today is the 9 year anniversary of the day D walked into my life. It is also the 3 year anniversary of the day we were legally married. (We had our Civil Union ceremony July 30, 2005, so the 8 is for the 8 years we will be have been in a civil union).
You can read last year’s post here.
It’s no secret that I adore D to the ends of the Earth and back, but I felt like I needed to write a little about her on this special day. So here is a list for you :
Top 10 reasons I think D is the most wonderful woman in the world:
- She’s beautiful
- She chased me (in the beginning) and was very suave in the way she reeled me in
- She puts up with me – the good and the bad
- She loves me with her whole heart and doesn’t hold anything back
- She is a compassionate, loving, amazing, spectacular (and any other adjective that means she’s da bomb) lover, mother and friend
- She always thinks of others first
- She takes care of me and treats me with respect
- She has stuck by me through thick and thin (and through anxiety and depression)
- She makes me see life as a beautiful gift
- She loves me
It has taken me all day to finish this post. Not because it took me a long time to think of what to write, but because I keep getting interrupted. So I will end this here, even though I could go on and on about her and how much I love her.
Happy 9th and 3rd Anniversary to the love of my life! <3
Welcome to Parenthood
**WARNING – This post contains references to puke, lots and lots of puke. If you don’t want to read about puke, skip to the last paragraph for a fun little story**
Two weeks ago on Friday at 4:45 p.m., Big D sent a text to D saying she needed to come get him ASAP. He was nauseous and dizzy and had been throwing up all day. He thought he was going to pass out. Mind you, his college is an hour and a 1/2 away. He has his own car and usually drives himself home, so it was odd that he didn’t feel well enough to drive. Needless to say, we were both very worried. D dropped what she was doing and went to get him. (She is such a good mommy )
I stayed home and anxiously paced the floors, coming up with all sorts of scenarios. I was hoping it was like when he was younger when his idea of throwing up was spitting into the toilet. When he really was sick, he never made it to the toilet, so I was a little skeptical. D called to tell me she had him in the car, and my first question was whether they were headed to the hospital. She said no. When they got home he was smiling and talking. He laid down on the couch and made a big show of it when he stood up, saying he was dizzy, but D said he talked non-stop int he car on the way home and seemed fine. Saturday he was absolutely fine, no symptoms what-so-ever. D and I had him diagnosed with homesickness, depression, or anxiety. We decided to talk to him about it on Sunday if we were having a hard time getting him back to school.
Sunday morning, D woke him up around 9:30 since she had to drive him back and didn’t want to wait all day. 5 minutes later he was calling to her from his room. He was throwing up EVERYWHERE. All over his bed, all over his shirt, all over the floor. And tmi – it was chunky. She got a bucket to him and he continued like that for a bit and then got himself to the bathroom to clean up. Guess who was left to clean up the mess? You guessed it! Me. Normally I am pretty good about that sort of thing. I can hold my breath so I can’t smell it. This time, with all the chunks, I nearly lost it myself. I grabbed all of his sheets and comforter and ran down to the washing machine – all the while dry heaving really badly. D was upstairs trying to clean up what was on the floor, also dry heaving. We were also both laughing through it because we could hear the other one.
Once I got all the stuff into the washing machine and D got the floor cleaned up, we sat down at the table to discuss what to do next. We needed to confront him and ask him about depression again. When he got out of the shower we went up to his room and asked him. He adamantly denied being depressed, anxious or homesick. He said he’s been having the time of his life and he would have told us. We told him we believed him, but it was a little coincidental that he puked as soon as we woke him up to go back. He said that when he sat up and it just hit him. I remembered that our Medical Center now has weekend hours, so we called and got him in.
I was still cleaning up the mess (had to wash the sheets twice on heavy cycle, with sweeping them off in between – YUM!), so D took him in. After about an hour they got home and he had two prescriptions. This conversation followed:
M: So what happened?
D: Well, we went in, and the Dr. did all sorts of tests for vertigo and such. Then he looked in Big D’s ears and said, “do your ears hurt?” and Big D said no. The Dr. leaned back on the counter and asked “Are you sure?” and Big D again said they didn’t hurt. He was staring at Big D quizzically and then said, “I’m surprised because you have a massive double inner ear infection.” Both D and Big D were shocked. The Dr. said he was throwing up because his equilibrium was off from the infection.
Only our son would be throwing up and have no idea his ears are infected! D asked him why he didn’t run to the bathroom (and never does) and he said he doesn’t feel it before it’s already coming out. I am starting to think he has some sort of odd disorder that makes him not be able to feel when he’s really sick, but makes him feel bad when he’s NOT sick…hmmmmmm….Anyway, he was on an antibiotic 4 times a day and he is feeling better now.
His last final exam is tomorrow and then he is home for the summer. He’s supposed to get a job, and according to him he’s going to get two. Ha! I hope so, but I won’t count on it! Wish us luck!
On a funnier note, D and I were invited to speak at a healthy relationships panel. There were 4 couples (all straight) and us – the token lesbians. It was Tuesday night and it was a lot of fun. The room was packed, and we answered a bunch of questions as couples, handing the microphone down the line. The last questions was: “What was a hurdle that you have faced as a couple, and how did you handle it?” They went down the line and people talked about their decision to not have kids, the accidental decision to have kids, moving in together, and family acceptance problems. When it got to me, I took the microphone close to my mouth and said, “Our biggest hurdle is when we PMS at the same time.” The room burst into laughter for a few minutes and the older man sitting next to us said “she did not just say that!” People came up to me after (and still are) and said it was the quote of the night. *
*Just to be clear I also told of our real hurdle of me wanting more kids and D not wanting more and how we handled it, etc. I said it in a funny way so people were still laughing through it.
A Throwback
After reading Mel’s post about someday getting engaged, I started thinking about the day D and I did (the first time). I figured I would take the time to tell you all how it went down – no pun intended (I don’t think I’ve blogged about this before, but if so, my apologies to long-time readers.) Mel talked about how there is no male in their relationship, so it’s really up to one of them to pop the question to the other. This may seem like a conundrum to the straight readers out there, but it’s really better this way – no waiting around for the guy to ask!
Onward!
Right around Valentines day, 2005, I was walking through the mall looking for a gift for D, who was just my girlfriend at the time. We had been together for 9 months and already lived and owned our house together, and had talked about marriage a lot. I passed the two jewelry stores several times and thought about popping in one of them. On a whim, and on my 5th passing, I finally went in. I found the perfect ring for her – simple and elegant. I decided to go for it! I put in the deposit and they sent if off to be sized. D has teeny-tiny hands – a size 4 1/2 – 5 ring finger. It came in a few weeks later and a friend of mine who lived near the mall picked it up for me. I hid it in a spot she would never look, and waited for the perfect moment.
That moment came on March 4, 2005. D was taking Big D down to drop him off with his Donor for the weekend. It’s an hour and 40 minute drive one way. I printed off a bunch of clues, went and got some rose petals, candles and a heart-shaped box. I then decorated our living room with candles everywhere, and rose petals scattered about the floor and onto a feather-bed (we had talked about making love on a bed covered in rose petals ) I then put clues all over the house that would lead her to different rooms, the last being the living room. My mother (a hair stylist at the time) gave me an “up-do” and I put on a dress and heels.
As soon as she came in the door, she knew something was up because I never wear dresses. I gave her a kiss and told her she was going to have a scavenger hunt. We went upstairs and I followed her as she figured out each clue – in retrospect, I should have stayed in the living room while she hunted, but it worked out just fine. When we got to the end there was the heart-shaped box with the ring inside. She didn’t quite get the very last clue directing her to it, so I picked it up, opened it, clumsily tried to get down on one knee and then realized that wouldn’t work well with the dress I had on, and asked her to marry me. I got so nervous at that moment, and was shaking. Of course she said yes, and we hugged and cried together. (Then we made use of the bed of roses )
About a month later, D surprised me at work with a picnic. She said she was sad because she wasn’t able to get me my ring yet (she was very under-employed at that time and still trying to establish herself). But then she reached in her pocket and pulled it out! I was over the moon happy. It was the same ring I gave her, and we haven’t taken them off since!
Marriage wasn’t legal in our state yet, but we had our Civil Union ceremony on July 30, 2005. We added a simple white-gold band to our engagement rings. Once marriage became legal in late 2009, there wasn’t a big proposal on either of our parts since we had already been together over 5 years at that point. We decided we wanted to have a ceremony and a party for everyone we couldn’t invite the first time. So, on May 15, 2010 – exactly 6 years to the day we met – we had our marriage ceremony and our big party. It was so much fun and such a wonderful feeling to finally get the word “Marriage” attached to what we are. Of course we are still not legally married in the eyes of the federal government. Hopefully soon we will be able to say we are. We won’t get married again when that happens though – twice is enough
To my best friend, my love, my heart – I am so glad you said yes and that you have been by my side through thick and thin the past 9 years. I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together. I love you D! <3
How to Tell You’re Addicted
I get addicted easily. To what you might ask?
- Cigarettes? Nope – only tried them a few times, and didn’t like them much (except when my friend I had a crush on in high school took a drag and then blew it into my mouth very seductively ).
- Alcohol? No again. In my early 20′s I used to drink with friends, but it got old, and I much prefer having control over my body.
- Drugs? No way! Would never touch the stuff!
- Sex? No. I love sex – don’t get me wrong – but I am not addicted.
So what is it? Television. There, I said it. There first step to overcoming something is to admit you have a problem! (not that I would ever want to overcome this addiction).
This is what happens: D gets busy with studying and taking classes toward her degree, and I am left with a lot of alone time. In some ways I don’t mind this, but I do miss my wifey
A few years ago she was taking her first classes and Big D was busy isolating himself from the world and being a moody teenager (thankfully he grew out of that!), so I stumbled upon Skins UK. I immediately fell in love with it and watched it over and over for months. Sadly, there were only two seasons I was interested in, so that addiction faded. I still watch it again from time to time, but I am pretty much over it.
I mentioned a few posts back about my new addiction: Lost Girl. I am very heavily addicted to this show! I can’t stop watching it! Season 3 is airing now, but seasons one and two are on Netflix and I am obsessed! Here is how I know I am addicted:
- I have watched seasons one and two almost 3 times all the way through (that’s roughly 35 episodes)
- I bring my Kindle Fire to work so that I can watch my favorite episodes and scenes over again (It’s making me fat since I should be walking during my lunch break )
- I am dying to watch all the season 3 episodes again, but stupid Com*cast deletes them off of On Demand after a few weeks
- All I can think about on Tuesdays is that I can watch the new episode that night on the DVR
- The season finale is in 2 weeks (no episode next week – how will I survive??) and then I am not sure what I will do. Hopefully season 3 eps will be added to Netflix soon! Thank maude they have been picked up for season 4!!!
Okay, so some of this is in jest – I do have a life outside of Lost Girl – but I can honestly say that this show is the best written and acted show I have seen in a very long time. I know I mentioned it before in a post, but I am serious that you need to see this show!
I mean, how could you see this and not want to watch:
The girl on girl action is only one part of why I love this show so very much, but OMG, how can you not think that’s hot?? And that’s just the new character they added this season: Tamsin. Tamsin is HOTT!!
But the best reason to watch Lost Girl is the storyline about Lauren and Bo’s relationship. It’s so genuine, soft and loving. It is by far, the best portrayed story of two women in love that I have ever seen on TV. It tops all the big guns: The L Word, South of Nowhere, even my beloved Lip Service. They don’t portray it for just the sex. It’s about the love between the two. (Yes, I know the gif above is of Bo kissing another girl, but if you watched, you would see why and how it totally fit that scene.)
Can you tell I am bored at work?? LMAO! Thankfully the day is almost over – I am having LG withdrawals (just kidding)
Life, outside of my LG addiction, is going well. Really well in fact, which is why all I have to write about is TV. My brothers came to visit this past weekend – for the first time since my parents moved – and it was awesome! We had some drinks (my first in about a year) and just gabbed all night about our parents’ situation and we are all on the same page. We played some basketball and ate dinner together. It felt good to relate to my brothers and my sister-in-law. I have felt like I have no family for several months (besides D and Big D) so it was nice and we will do it again
So what about you? What’s your addiction?
Favorite Obscure Childhood Book
I just stumbled upon a little blog called Becoming Cliche. Her blog has called to order the From the Bowels of Obscurity Children’s Book Club. She asked people to blog about their favorite obscure childhood books. I got so excited about this, that I jumped on Amazon and looked for my book choice (I couldn’t remember the author’s name), and bought it for $4.00 so I can read it again!
So this post is about my favorite book growing up. I’m not sure how obscure it is, but I haven’t met a lot of people who know about it. It was called Silver by Norma Fox Mazer.
This is Silver
I spent so much time at the local library as a kid, that the librarian started recommending books to me, and this was one of them. The story is about a girl named Sarabeth Silver. She lives in a trailer park with her mother. A lot of her friends come from affluent families, and she feels left out.
I think I read this book about a million times as a teen – that’s how much I loved it. I have no idea why I related to it so much. I didn’t live in a trailer park. My parents were (and still are) married. We weren’t rich, but we had what we needed. My only guess is that it was because she was a bit of an outcast and so was I. She was hiding a secret about herself (about where she lives) and I was hiding my sexuality.
I think when you can vividly remember where you were when a book came into your life, it has to be really good. I would highly recommend this obscure childhood book!
Cuteness
D left this morning for an overnight work trip. She has done a few of these in the past and I always miss her like crazy. The only thing I was kind of looking forward to was having the house completely to myself, but Big D ruined that by coming home 2 days early for spring break Oh well.
I always leave the house at the same time every morning. This morning I lingered for a few minutes. Big D came down and was getting himself some breakfast when D and I were trying to say goodbye. We kissed and hugged and kissed some more and I told her to be safe and good. Then I finished getting my stuff together and I kissed her again.
I looked at her and said: Let me take in this face of yours since I won’t see it for a while.
Big D piped up: Geez! What is this? Your honeymoon? You’re going to see each other tomorrow night!
Me: We don’t ever spend the night away from each other. And yes, it’s our honeymoon. Every day is.
D walked out of the room waving and ran up the stairs to finish getting ready.
Me: See this? (referring to D running upstairs before I even left) Honeymoon.
Big D: Looks like she’s running away from the honeymoon suite to me! (He’s such a smartass!)
I do feel like each day is our honeymoon. I am so in love with this woman that even when she only leaves me for a few hours (let alone overnight) I miss her so much! She is my best friend, my world. D – I hope you have a great time today and tomorrow! Just don’t forget to come back home to your wife
Am I strange?
A lot of bloggers have been writing about Facebook lately, and not to jump on the bandwagon or anything, there is something about it that bothers me. Actually, there are a lot of things about it that bother me, but a new thing in particular: Friends.
Let me explain. I come from a very small town where the high school housed maybe 500 students across grades 7-12. 500 people is a lot in normal instances, but for a high school it means that you know everybody. Or at least you know what everyone’s name is, even if you don’t know them personally. High school was a trying time for me. I was depressed. I felt older than everyone else, and, of course, I was trying to come to grips with my burgeoning sexuality. I was also kind of shy. Because of all of this, I had a small circle of friends. There were 15 of us that hung out together in 10th and 11th grade. We were all non-smokers, non-drug-users and non-drinkers in a town full of kids experimenting with such things. We were also mostly all virgins too. (I know, we sound like a group of really cool kids! LOL!) We would do wholesome stuff like bowling and truth or dare and going to the school dances as a group. After a while, a few started to do things on their own and I got invited less and less. It was really not a fun time, since I was one of the original people who started up the “group” in the first place.
The problem came when my mortal enemy joined the “group”. Okay, so the term mortal enemy may be too strong. This is a girl whom I was best friends with in 7th grade. Slowly she started to change and started to push me out of her life. I think it was low self esteem – she is not an attractive girl by far. Her personality really changed, and she was more interested in getting boys to sleep with her than she was staying friends with me. She also started backstabbing me, and it was all just an ugly experience. We didn’t talk much between 7th grade and the time when she came into the “group”. Then she started taking over. She was the one making plans. She was the one deciding who got invited where. And, as she had done before, she pushed me out. And I let her. She pushed me out of my own group and I didn’t do anything to stop it. She would tell me she wasn’t doing it – that there weren’t enough cars or space or some other bullshit and that’s why I wasn’t invited. When I was in charge of all the plans, everyone was included no matter what.
After I was pushed out, I moved on. I had only one or two very close friendships after that for the remainder of high school, one of which I have written about before about her opening my eyes to my sexuality. Over the years I stayed in touch on and off with those couple of friends, and they visited from time to time. I am still in touch with one of them, and I am so grateful to FB because it would be really hard to keep in touch with her without it.
So that brings me to the point of this post. I am “friends” with almost all of my former high school classmates, including the mortal enemy* and all of the people from the “group” on FB. I am also “friends” with a lot of other people from my school that I didn’t know very well. Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of these people actually see each other in real life. Like, they go out of their way to hang out with each other. They know each others kids and spouses. They go to dinners and concerts together. Even people who I never saw hang out together in school, are now hanging out as adults. It just all seems so weird to me.
I think the reason these relationships seem so disingenuous to me is because a lot of these kids wouldn’t give me the time of day in high school. It would be fake of me to really interact with them because I don’t know them anymore. I don’t really want to know the majority of them either. I know, I know, people grow up and change. They could have been assholes in school, but now they’re really nice. I get that, but I just can’t bring myself to believe it.
I’ve seen some of my classmates out and about, and I never know what to say to them, let alone make plans with them! We knew each other eons ago, and frankly none of them really knew me. I’ve only hung out with a couple of them less than a handful of times in the last 18 years since graduation. We had an 11 year reunion** and ironically it was held at my house. We only had about 10 people come – and it was the best time – but I haven’t seen any of them in person since. The mortal enemy was there too, and she was all bubbly and nice and talking about how we had to do it more often. Then, when I saw her again 7 months later, she went back to ignoring me. See? Fake.
I was talking to D about this last night and I think all of it has to do with the fact that I am a fiercely loyal friend. If I am your friend, you will know just about everything about me, and I will about you. I will be very protective of you and love you to the core of my being. You can’t put that kind of energy into a lot of people, so I can only have a few true friends at a time. It feels too bogus if I do it any other way. Does that make sense?
Boy, this really makes me sound clingy and dull! That’s not it at all. I think it’s just if I call someone a friend, it’s because I really know and like them. That doesn’t mean I don’t talk to anyone. On the contrary, I have many work colleagues whom I think are wonderful and interesting people. But do I “hang out” with them outside of work functions? No.
What do you think? Do you still see and hang out with people you went to high school with?
* You might be wondering why I have the mortal enemy as a friend on FB. Well, don’t you know that saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer?
** No one planned anything for the 10th year, so another classmate and I got one together for the 11th year.
