Why Do I Hate This So?

There is one thing that really irritates me more than anything. I mean bugs the CRAP out of me! What is it, you may ask? It’s when I am carrying something or putting something in the car, or unloading my trash at the dump and a man comes over to help. I absolutely HATE it! Yes, I know they are just trying to be nice, but I CAN DO IT MYSELF! If I ask for your help, okay, fine. But if I am doing it myself, I do not need your help thankyouverymuch!*

There is a song by Ani DiFranco called Not a Pretty Girl that sums my feelings up nicely:

“…I ain’t no damsel in distress-

and I don’t need to be rescued -

so put me down, punk.

Wouldn’t you prefer a maiden fair?

Isn’t there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere?”

I hate it that just because I am a woman, men perceive me as weak. Example: On Monday, we bought the chimnea I talked about in the last post. It came in a rather large box, but was not overly heavy. First the store owner wanted to help us get it to the car (which was across the street), and I politely declined. I hefted the box up and walked it there myself. Then, a guy came running out of another store to help me get it in the car – which I was having no trouble at all doing myself. He started asking if we could put our seats down, and I said yes, but we didn’t need to, and proceeded to fit the thing nicely and easily onto the back seat. I am not mentally challenged. I can figure things out for myself.

We are two women who run a household together very well without any men** (SHOCKER) there to help, and even though neither one of us is manly.  We mow or own lawn, fix whatever needs to be fixed, put together whatever needs putting together – all on our own. We built our fence out back and laid the floor in our kitchen (among numerous other things) BY OURSELVES. No men were involved, whatsoever.

I was brought up to be able to take care of myself, and that is what I do. D finds it funny that I get so upset by this because it doesn’t bother her in the least. For me, it’s a put-down. It’s an insult when someone tries to help when I am very capable of doing it myself.

How do you feel about this? I wonder if one of us was butch, would these men still feel the need to help? Do you have experience with this?

* I’m not rude about it, and I let them help if they insist, but I seethe about it for the rest of the day, and apparently long after that too!

** Yes, Big D is a man now, but he normally doesn’t help with any projects or anything around the house. I have nothing against men. I am against them thinking I cannot do something because I am a woman.

 

Busy Weekend

This past weekend was a 3 day weekend (Memorial day for all you non-yanks). What was supposed to be a relaxing 3 days, turned into non-stop busy-ness!

It started off Saturday, when D decided we were going to paint the living room. Okay, no problem. We painted that and it took about 3-4 hours. (Of which D was on-call, and got several phone calls and had to leave the room to me!) During that time, Big D was outside staining the back deck – which was a BIG help! After the living room was painted, cleaned and put back together, I went about putting together a new chimnea (outdoor fireplace) for the back yard. That took me about 3-4 hours – mainly because I put a major piece on right, looked at the directions and deemed that I put it on wrong, so I took it off to put it on the other way, only to get the whole dang thing together and realize I was right the first time! I was so sore and tired by the end of the day, I didn’t think I’d be able to move on Sunday. While I was putting together the chimnea, D was mowing the lawn and tidying up outside. She also got several more calls and was working until 11:30 pm (way past our bedtime! )

On Sunday we got up (sore as HECK – I am not as young as I used to be) and D went about painting the trim to the dining room and some of the cabinets in the kitchen, while I washed 19 of the 21 windows we have in our house (Big D did his own). Good thing we have the kind of windows you can tip in to clean, but it still took a llloooooonnnngggg time! We chilled out for most of the rest of the day (what was left of it) and watched a pretty terrible movie (Our Idiot Brother if you are wondering). D was exhausted and went to bed around 7:30, and I joined her at about 9:15. We both slept really well, and I thought the chores were over for a few days. Oh how I was wrong!

Monday started out okay, and I thought I was off the hook. D was looking through some fliers and came across a paint sale for yesterday only. It was 12:30 and the store was closing at 1:00, so we rushed out to pick up more paint – oy vey! We finished painting the rest of the kitchen cabinets, and then started on our entryway, which is only about a 5×7 foot space. This took an enormous amount of time for such a tiny room! Probably because it needed 2 coats and the ceiling need to be done too. It was also about 9,000 degrees and I needed to keep stopping to chug some water – not to mention having to climb up and down the ladder about a million times.

I haven’t mentioned this, but once again, we have been plagued with pests this spring. What I mean by that is that a few years ago we had a chipmunk problem, then we had a bee (or yellowjacket) problem in the living room wall, and now we have 2 bird nests in the eaves of our garage – one on each side*. Our neighbor thinks they are Starlings. These SOB’s made holes in the eaves, built nests, and had a ton of baby birds. They could get in and out of the garage as much as they liked, and took to shitting all over everything in there.

Yesterday we noticed it was silent when we went out there, so we knew the babies finally fledged, and we quickly got on ladders and hammered some shingles (it was the only thing we could find to fit) over both nests on the inside of the garage. As of this morning, they have not gotten through! This means they can still get in and out, they just can’t get into the garage itself. We are closing up the outside as well when we find that they are out again.

* This probably sounds like we have a dirty house or a hoarders house or something – we do not in the slightest! We are very clean people – it’s just that our house is so inviting

So, that was our extremely hectic, busy weekend. I hope yours was more relaxing!

The next few weekends will be crazy too. This weekend is our town-wide yard sale day (don’t judge me! It’s totally fun!) that we do every year, and sending Big D off for his senior class trip. Then next weekend is Big D’s graduation (YAY!) and subsequent party, so we are going to be non-stop for a while. After that it’s registration weekend for me at work, and registration weekend for Big D at his college (on the same days, so D is taking him) and then we finally get vacation the first week of July. PHEW!

 

Hooray for Summer!

So, it’s now officially summer! (or at least at work) What I mean by that is that all the kids have graduated or moved out for the summer. Classes are over and it’s time to start getting ready for the new school year. This involves a lot of organizing for upcoming registrations, cleaning up our offices, and, of course VACATION! Woo hoo! So far I have to take 4 days or lose them before July 1st (I will also have 2 weeks off after July 1). I will be out on June 6th, 7th and 8th. Big D’s senior class trip is that week and his graduation is that Friday (the 8th). Did you see what I just wrote? Yup, Big D has completed his online courses (and PASSED!!!) and he has A’s in all his regular courses. So the kid WILL graduate this year! I cannot tell you what a relief that is to D and myself. It has been such a trying year with him and online courses. Now we can finally breathe!

Because of all of this, we are having a  big party to celebrate. We normally don’t throw parties, but this is HUGE! I cannot wait! Big D will be going to his Project Graduation (for those of you who don’t know – that’s when they plan something for all the kids to do to keep them out of trouble on graduation night), so he won’t be at the party for long. That’s okay, because D and I have said this party is for us for making it through this with him! LOL! Teenagers, no matter how wonderful, can be tiring yo. They try your patience, they worry you to death, but they are still your little boys or girls. I love that kid to death.

Big D has big plans for his future, and I really hope he fulfills them all. Either way, I am sure he will have a blast at college, and I can’t wait to watch him go through all the newness of it. I have such great memories of my college years and it makes me nostalgic to think of.

In other news, I am getting the writing bug again and I will be writing more on the project I started here (The Truth – click here for Part I, Part II, and Part III) if you are interested. I am also going to  finally write a story around the words Mel suggested a few months back, and I also want to keep going with my book and hopefully really finish it this year. (Although I have that hope every year ) I really want to write more erotica too. Something about the spring/summer makes me revved up to do that. Any suggestions for situations you’d like to see along those lines will be accepted and turned into something for your perusal

I think I am addicted to writing. And reading. I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas, and a regular standard Kindle for making Employee of the Semester. I have downloaded a bunch of books (a lot of them for free) and I read 6 and am in the middle of 3 more. That trumps what I had been able to read in past years by oh, about 7 books! I think it’s the portability and ease of use that makes it so easy to read more.

You may be wondering why I got a regular Kindle if I already have the Fire. The reason is so I can continue my addiction on nice days and read outside! (The Fire’s screen is too reflective to read in bright light, but I still love that thing like it’s a child of mine!)

Have a happy day everyone!

Butch/Femme

Every time I come here, I see my description of myself to the right as femme, and I ask myself, does that really describe me? I guess it depends on your definition of femme. I was once described as “sporty femme” by a friend of mine, but I am not sporty at all. If you think of a person who hates sports a lot, look even further past them, because there I’ll be I like to shoot some hoops from time to time in the back yard, but ask me to watch a game with you, and I will probably fall asleep on the spot!

If your definition of femme is someone who wears high fashion clothes, skirts, high heels, and lots of make-up, well that isn’t me at all! I wear a little make up, but I can’t stand high heels or skirts/dresses. I think I have my own style – one that definitely leans more toward the feminine than the masculine. D is the same way, only she used to wear high heels and skirts all the time until the heels basically killed her feet and she had to get surgery.

My questions for you are:

What do you picture when someone says they are femme?

What do you picture when someone says they are butch?

Do you get mad when you meet a person and they don’t fit the definition they described themselves as?

Do you use them to describe yourself?

Do you think these are just labels and shouldn’t be used at all?

Ready? Go!

8-7-2

Eight years ago today I was nervously pacing my apartment, waiting for D to show up for our first face to face meeting. I can still remember that day so clearly. I peeked out the window of my second floor apartment to see her get out of her car – thankfully not wielding an ax as my co-worker had predicted She was so cute, and I was so anxious!

When I opened the door, I gave her a big hug. I don’t think she was expecting that! We had been emailing for while, and talking on the phone for about 2 weeks. I am the first woman she’s been with, so I was expected to show her the ropes, which, if you knew me in real life, you would know that is quite a feat for me! I am shy, and used to being the chase-e, not the chaser. We went and got sandwiches and had a picnic in the park that was near my apartment. We talked, she told me about Big D and showed me his picture. She asked if I thought we had chemistry and I basically dared her to kiss me. She wouldn’t do it in the park, so we went back to the apartment. We sat there, her wanting me to make the first move, and me being too paralyzed to do it. I think she said, “oh for christ sakes!” and then leaned in and kissed me. We ended up kissing (just kissing) for 6 hours that day! It wasn’t that we both didn’t want to do more, but we both thought it was better to wait (at least until the 2nd date )

That day completely changed my life! We spent the next 7 months in a long distance relationship, with D coming up to see me on the weekends, and eventually bringing Big D too. We fell madly in love and we bought our house together. On July 30, 2005, we were joined in a Civil Union. In 2009 it became legal in our state to marry, and we decided we wanted to do it on the day that we still celebrated every year – the day we met. So, on May 15, 2010, I finally got to truly marry the love of my life!

D, you are my everything. I wake up every day so thankful that I have you in my life. You are the most kind, gentle, amazing human being I have ever met. You are the best mother, lover and friend. You take great care of me, Big D and Moose, and I love you so much! I had no idea on that day 8 years ago that I was looking at my partner for life. I can’t imagine living even one day without you. Happy Anniversary baby. Here’s to 60 or 70 more!

Tip for Lawn Mowing

Now that we are getting warmer weather, it has been time to start mowing the lawn again. D and I both love this “chore”. Seriously. I’m not joking about that. We had to come up with a system to make sure we each get to do it equally. We have mowed it 3 times so far this year (once a week). The first week I did it, and the second one she did. On Saturday it was time to mow again, so of course it was my turn. Only this time there wasn’t just the grass to contend with, there were the dreaded dandelions too. I don’t know how many of you out there have lawns to mow, but let me just tell you how much I loathe those stupid dandelions! They mess up my perfectly neat and orderly yard, and they are impossible to fully get rid of (at least for the first month or so of summer). Last week we just had your run of the mill yellow bastards. This week there were hundreds of the ones that you can blow to spread the seeds far and wide. Our yard looked like an overgrown jungle (in the course of 1 week) and I felt for a moment like I was back in ‘nam*

I started up the mower and went about tidying up. Almost immediately those seeds started flying. They get in your eyes, try to go up your nose and get stuck in your hair. The worst that they do I should have expected but didn’t. Apparently I had my mouth open, and they started flying into my mouth! YUCK! As soon as one flew in I thought to myself, “M, you big goober! What are you doing mowing with your mouth open?!” I mean seriously, who does that? Sheesh!

So my tip for you today, dear readers, is please, whatever you do, when mowing your lawn, do so with your mouth CLOSED. You won’t look like a goober, and you won’t end up swallowing tons of dandelion seeds and grow a forest of them in your stomach. You’re welcome.

*This joke is for my little wifey. The first time I heard her say she felt like she was back in ‘nam, I nearly pissed myself with laughter. For those of you not aware of this reference, it means Vietnam, as in the Vietnam War that the US was involved in from 1965 to 1975. Obviously neither one of us was in this war (but my dad was!), so that’s what made it so funny to me. It’s a you had to be there sort of joke. Okay, I’ll shut up now.

Update on “Karen”

Two posts back I talked about my friend Karen and her indecisiveness around her sexuality. Since then she has not mentioned wanting a woman even once. She just came into my office a little while ago and told me she saw someone she likes. I thought she was going to say it was a woman, but she was talking about a man. I said, “So, you like men again then?” and she said, “Well only some men.” She went on to say how she thinks he’s so cute and asked a co-worker to set them up on a date.

Then she said that she was going to try online dating to find a woman (like I had suggested), but she doesn’t have internet access at home, and is worried that her daughter will find out if she uses her computer and access. She said she needs to do it though, because she is so confused and keeps going back and forth (yet I’ve only seen her pining over men recently). So she is still wishy-washy and I think looking for attention. Who knows?!

It makes me glad I am sure of who I am, and that I have an amazing wife by my side. I can’t imagine being 40 and not knowing who I am or what I want, but I guess it happens more often than I know!

Work has been EXTREMELY busy lately, and I only had a second to drop by and write, but I thought some of you might be curious as to how she is doing. So there you go!

After May 19th I will be posting much more, but until then it will be spotty. Hope everyone is doing well!

Soon To Be Empty Nest

Big D will be leaving the nest very soon. He is finally working too, and it’s weird to see him so grown up! Yesterday he had to be at work at 5:00 am, and he got himself up at 4:00 to get ready. Our little man is getting to be very responsible

Every time he leaves for work for the day (right now he only works Sundays until school is out), we find ourselves with an empty house and a strange feeling. It’s practice for when he leaves for college, but we realized this weekend that it is going to take some getting used to! Even though we cannot wait for this next stage in life for both us and him, not having to take him into account when we want to do something or go somewhere is, well, weird.

Being a mom is interesting. Being the mom of a child who is about ready to enter the wonderful world of adulthood is even interesting-er

D and I are very excited to be able to see who we are as a couple without a child in the house – that is scary and exciting in and of itself. We want to be able to go out to dinner, without having to worry about either bringing Big D with us, or having to bring something back for him. It will be nice to see our electric and grocery bills go way down. It will be nice to not have to schedule “couple time” together

So many changes will be happening for our family in the very near future. I’m not usually good with change, but I am ready for this one. I’m only ready because I know he’s ready for it too. He is ready for college, and he is going to have a blast! Then, hopefully after 4 years there, he will get an awesome, high paying job and come back to take care of his mommas! *fingers crossed*

**EDITED: I ended this post on a very heavy note and I decided to come by this morning and change it to something more positive. Here is a picture of a sleepy kitten instead :

Even though the story I linked to was/is very important, I can’t risk D being able to read it. It was silly of me to think she would heed my warning, and she was so tempted to click the link. So I took it out to protect her. I hope you got a chance to read it, and that you understand.

A Strange Place

I find myself in a strange place lately, and that is one of lesbian mentor to a friend and colleague of mine. We’ll call her “Karen” (this is obviously not her real name).

Karen has had lots of trouble with men in her past. She spent several years with abusive and controlling men. I won’t share all of her details, but let’s just say she hasn’t had a good time with men at all. She is 40 years old and came to me to let me know she is thinking about women. She told me this about a year ago when she developed a crush on a woman who works for me, but I thought it had passed, because she hadn’t really mentioned it again, and any time she did, I thought she was joking. She would say things like, “I’m giving up on men!”, and we’d laugh together about the strange things that happened on her dates – but I never thought she would seriously consider being with a woman.

She stopped by our house on Friday night after work, and D immediately gave her (and I) a drink. I am a major lightweight, and was buzzing pretty hard after just that one drink. Karen had 2, and was seeming just fine. It was funny because we rarely have company, and we weren’t expecting her, so we didn’t have much in the way of food to offer her. D went into the cabinet and brought out Cheese-its and some jelly beans and malt balls we had leftover from Easter. We all laughed at our offerings, and I said, “Karen, have some Cheese-its. They’re cheese AND crackers!”

We talked about work first and then we started talking about her sexuality. She keeps saying she doesn’t know what she is, but that she is sick of men and often fantasizes about women. She also said she doesn’t like sex with men, and thinks it’s kind of gross. She has 3 grown children and she also worries about what they will think of her if she was ever to be with a woman.

D and her have a lot in common, as D didn’t actually admit to herself she liked women until she was 33. They compared notes and stories about men, and I, in my very buzzed state, tried to explain to her the wonderful world of the vagina. It was pretty funny, and D said that Karen was very intently listening as I was explaining how it all works. It’s interesting how little “straight” women know about their own parts! She also said she doesn’t think she could actually, um, you know – “please” a woman. D said she never thought she would be able to do it either. I don’t think any woman thinks they will be able to “go down” until it happens, and then they realize it’s not bad at all

Anyway, we talked with her for 4 hours. We told her our experiences with each other and with being lesbians. When she was leaving, she kept saying that we had opened her eyes to a lot of things.

I find myself struggling with telling her how great being a lesbian is, because I’m not trying to “recruit” her or anything. It’s a fine line I walk with her, and I always find myself saying things like, “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do with either a male or female”. I don’t want her to think that I am pressuring her into being with a woman. I would never do that, but I can’t help but bubble over with joy when I talk about my experiences with being gay. I can’t imagine ever being straight and would never want to be, even if there was a “cure” for it.

I’ve never been in this situation before, and I don’t want to say the wrong thing to her. She keeps coming to me and telling me about these older men that keep texting her. I can see she doesn’t have much self esteem because she is actually considering them. I told her she should not “settle” just because they are available.

What would you tell her if you were in my situation? Would you encourage her to be with a woman? Or would you just stay out of it?

 

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

The wonderful blogger over at be.love.live nominated me for this award Here are the rules:

1. thank the blogger who nominated you for the award

Liz is someone I “met” recently through her blog. She nominated me a while ago, but life got in the way and I am only now getting to thank her properly. If you haven’t read her, please run over there right now and do so! It’s okay, I’ll wait Back? Good! I know you can now see what a great gal she is. She is an excellent writer, but what really impresses me is that she is religious, but she does not discriminate against anyone. (If you’ve read me for a while, you’ll know why this is a big plus!) She is accepting and always listens to her reader’s opinions. Liz, you are one of a kind! Thank you again!

2. share 7 things about yourself

• I am an avid reader and soak up everything I can. I love reading blogs, books, web articles, just about anything! If it’s interesting, I want to read it!
• I love writing as well, and when I was 5 years old I told my parents I wanted to be a writer (this is still a dream of mine!)
• I’ve broken both of my wrists in childhood accidents, one when I fell off my bike and the other when I hit a tombstone while sledding in the cemetery! (FYI – this is so not a good idea – in case you wanted to try it )
• I’m the youngest of 5 (3 bothers and 1 sister)
• I had an imaginary friend named “Christina” when I was little. I don’t remember actually seeing  her. I think I just pretended  because all my friends had one. (Kind of like when I dated guys – didn’t want to, didn’t feel anything – but I did it because I was supposed to want to, and because all the other girls were!)
• When I was in high school my 2 best friends were the foreign exchange students in my junior and senior year. (My school had too many cliques, and these girls were so much fun!)
• I’m a little too trusting sometimes. I like just about everyone until they do something that makes me realize I shouldn’t

3. nominate 7 bloggers for the award

Mel at Silly Wrong But Vivid Right – Mel is an awesome writer and someone I can always count on to give me constructive writing criticism and join in on my silly writing challenges (I’m still working on yours Mel!). I started reading her when she had her travel blog over a year ago. She is funny, nice and just plain cool. You must check her out!

Sweet Mother Lover – Oh my goodness – this woman HILARIOUS! I found her recently when she was Freshly Pressed. You will not regret reading this blog! I suggest putting on some Depends before you go over there though

Giraffe on a Stick – I “met” this blogger through Mel. Giraffe and I have very similar living situations and I really feel like we can learn a lot from each other. I am so glad I found her blog!

love plus love equals marriage – I’ve been reading this blog since before her oldest son was born (he’ll be 3 on May 1st). Excellent two mommy blogger – and she has 2 little cute boys!

The Writer Says – This blogger is awesome. She writes a lot about dating in this big, bad, scary world – but her regular posts are great reads too. In fact, she just blogged about how people find her – Ha! I’m sending more people your way my blog friend! (And this time not ones that are looking for Naomi’s armpit hair )

An Offering of Love – I found this blog a while back and I am hooked! It’s about a 2 mommy household with one set of twins, a singleton and another on the way! I love reading about other people’s adventures in parenthood.

Marinating on Life – Defining a Family – Last but not least. I found this blog not too long ago and love following along as these mommies raise their beautiful twins.

I hope you get a chance to check them out!

I’ll be doing a new post soon (probably a writing challenge one). But in the meantime:

• Big D has started his job and loves it so far.
• The school is THANKFULLY no longer striking (although they are on spring break now – went back for two days and then had break).
• A friend of mine is questioning her sexuality after being with men her whole life (she’s 40), so D and I have been chatting with her about that. I’ll probably do a post on that soon too.
• D is feeling MUCH better after switching to a new antibiotic on Friday
• Life is trucking along nicely and I am madly in love with my wife!

Thanks for stopping by!